Advice needed - neighbours

paddy's_mum

Jada90 wrote: »

Can we remember that the op has asked for advice not criticism


it was a bit harsh saying little elephant,



is she another bum who sits at home all day

Jada90 - it would appear that you've got the wrong end of the stick. The little elephant comment wasn't about the OP's child at all! Prince of Pounds was referring to another child in another flat in another time so I can't see that calling his remark harsh is justified. Neither can I see that anyone has been overtly critical but even if they had been, sometimes constructive criticism is advice.

If you wish to talk about harshness and criticism, how about this for starters? My Mum is 84 years old tomorrow, has arthritis in her hip and osteoporosis. She sits at home most of the day because she can't be sprightly any longer. According to your comment, that makes her a "bum". Really?

Squoozy

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go into her flat. What were you supposed to do, ask your son to run up and down and then abandon him to go downstairs to listen? I agree with pmlindyloo, this is an issue for the landlord, not you. It seems to me you have done what you can to minimise the noise, and your neighbour has tackled this in completely the wrong way. She may be upset, but all she has done is make you worried and unhappy as well.

I think all you can do is let the landlord know that you are finding this situation very difficult, and if you hear anything else from the woman refer her to him. Now that you know she is upset about noise, you can at least bear this in mind when your son is up and about, but don't let it become a constant worry. Moving may be an option, but I know how difficult it can be to find good accommodation.

bouicca21

Children are noisy, that's just the way they are. But maybe to a certain extent you could adjust your daily schedule to make life better for the neighbour. Is she out at work during the day? If so could you make sure that the hour or two in the run up to bedtime are reasonably quiet - tea, bath, story. That way she gets a relatively undisturbed evening when she comes home tired from work and needing a bit of peace.

It's not reasonable to expect a child to be quiet, laminate or no laminate, though the laminate probably makes it worse. Nor is it either reasonable or courteous to complain to your visitors. If she works at home then I understand why she might get upset - I do and I would - but I'd reckon on windows of quiet when you take him out to the park or shopping and I think I'd get used to it, just I have got used to traffic noise. Besides I have no grandchildren and I'd be your go to babysitter.

It really all comes down to what sort of person your neighbour is. If she is a professional moaner you don't have much chance.

Gordon_Hose

Give your 2 year old sugar. And clogs.

JimmyTheWig

Squoozy wrote: »

I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go into her flat. What were you supposed to do, ask your son to run up and down and then abandon him to go downstairs to listen?

The OP has a partner.

Maxwellcomp12

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

The OP has a partner.

My partner works nights and sleeps through the day and before any one asks, he works most days and we rarely see our family... My partners parents had visited just to see if we had settled in.

Personally the whole thing has left me feeling worried. Today I have had to remind my little boy not basically move around our property... Its hard to tell a toddler not to basically move around his home incase it upsets someone.

The lady is always at home, weather she works or not from there I do not know...

The fact she went and told everyone else but us upset me the most.. How were we meant to know the problem if we were not informed?

I have said I feel the ladies pain, but then I really am unsure what else I can do... I think we will end up moving out however we saved up for over 2 years getting our deposit and bits for this home.

paddy's_mum

Oh, dear - not a happy situation, is it?

I wonder whether it would be worth asking the landlord for permission to take up the laminate flooring. It needn't be destroyed - just go into storage.

Might it then be possible to beg, borrow or steal enough money to carpet the main living room? Perhaps ask family for cash contributions towards that instead of spending money on Christmas presents for your child. I know that probably outrages your feelings as a mother but the money might be better spent on making it possible for your child to live 'normally'. Being kept still and quiet is neither a happy nor a reasonable way to live, bless him.

It might be worth asking on Freecycle, ebay or check out charity furniture stores to see what you can find cheaply.

It will almost certainly be cheaper to buy some carpet to try to fix the problem as best you can than spend out yet again for credit checks, letting agency fees etc.

Good luck.

kelpie35

DO NOT MOVE OUT.

You are worrying too much about what this woman has said about you to the neighbours.

If I was in your situation I would allow you son to play, in his home, as he was doing. If you meet your other neighbours just be friendly and say hello.

If this neighbour come to your door or gives you any more grief do as your LL suggested, and contact him and allow him to sort it out. He has told you he will.

Please try to enjoy your new home and forget about her.

JimmyTheWig

Maxwellcomp12 wrote: »

My partner works nights and sleeps through the day and before any one asks, he works most days and we rarely see our family... My partners parents had visited just to see if we had settled in.

Well that puts a completely different slant on turning down the suggestion of going in to her flat to listen to the noise. Obviously you would only do that if there was someone to be with the toddler upstairs. [Might have been helpful to mention that at the start! Would have avoided many of us saying that you should have gone in and listened.]

So where does that leave you?
If the issue is that serious that you are considering moving then it is worth putting a bit of effort into resolving it.
If the woman downstairs is always in then it should be easy enough to find a time when your partner is around and awake to help out with the listening.
You might find that by listening yourself you can identify where the noise is coming from. It might be just one little thing that he does is annoying (e.g. kicking the wall when he goes to the toilet). In which case you can both live a normal life and try hard to be quiet just at the point that was causing an issue (e.g. make it into a game - how quiet can we be when we go to the toilet?).

JimmyTheWig

paddy's_mum wrote: »

It might be worth asking on Freecycle, ebay or check out charity furniture stores to see what you can find cheaply.

Or off-cuts from a carpet shop. One near us was chucking a load out recently.