Guilt about staying in...

go_cat

ozma83 wrote: »

Thank you so much everyone. Your views are very interesting.

I think my main reason to feel guilty is that I do want to go out and see friends etc, but most of the time after a long week I just feel too lazy to even get on a bus/train and go out! In short, on a Friday/Saturday night I feel like I should go out, but I'd rather stay home and lounge/watch TV/pamper myself etc. I guess very often I am victim of the 'weekend bully' and feel like there are some things you should do no matter what you really want to do.

I know, I should stop thinking so much and just start being in the present, but I am finding it a bit hard to hammer that into my mind.

I think some of this is to do with the darker nights...the last thing I. Feel like doing after a hard week at work is venturing out again....no slippers on curtains closed and settle on the settee thank you very much

dandelionclock30

No need to feel guilty just do what you feel like doing.An hour there and back for a cup of coffee sounds not a very inviting prospect anyway.
Could you meet up with your friend somewhere halfway in the future and then go for a pub meal or bar snack etc.
That would be better than having to drive all that way. Also most people I know dont go out on an evening in the winter or when the dark nights start. Maybe thats because we are all old and boring!40S

caeler

Oh bless you! I'm much like you, I enjoy a quiet weekend as that is my way to recharge to cope with the week ahead! I'm completely off balance if I am busy 7 days a week! Of course you need to find a balance, if you go completely off radar regularly you might find your social life dries up a bit, but the odd quiet weekend isn't really a bad thing! I know people who can't sit still - I mean that they have plans every minute of every day and never enjoy time just being at home. Now that's what I find strange!

splishsplash

ozma83 wrote: »

Thank you so much everyone. Your views are very interesting.

I think my main reason to feel guilty is that I do want to go out and see friends etc, but most of the time after a long week I just feel too lazy to even get on a bus/train and go out! In short, on a Friday/Saturday night I feel like I should go out, but I'd rather stay home and lounge/watch TV/pamper myself etc. I guess very often I am victim of the 'weekend bully' and feel like there are some things you should do no matter what you really want to do.

I know, I should stop thinking so much and just start being in the present, but I am finding it a bit hard to hammer that into my mind.

I've got two daughters aged 20 and 19. If/when they're too tired to go out, they're on facebook/snapchat etc with everyone. Could that be a middle ground for you? If your friends are in a similar situation to you, then it could be a handy way to stay in regular contact with no real effort involved.

FWIW, I avoid housework like the plague at weekends. I would feel like I had no break or rest if I had to spend my time catching up on housework or ironing. How about putting in an extra push Mon - Thurs to get it all out of the way for a few weeks to give you the full benefit of the weekend?
I think you're right to spend a bit of time pampering yourself - maybe Sat/Sun mornings, leaving the afternoons/evenings free to have a bit of fun?

If I go out on Friday night, I feel like I have the rest of the weekend to recover and still feel like I've had some time to myself. If you feel you really should make the effort and push yourself a bit - how about trying that? Resolve to do something on Friday evenings but nothing definite for the rest of the weekend?

FBaby

I feel just the same. I am very fortunate to have a lot of friends and I struggle to see them all. We always talk about getting together, but then not. I don't just feel guilty that I don't see them often enough, i feel guilty that I don't contact them often enough.

Like you though, I am constantly battling with tiredness. I work full-time in a demanding job, not one when I can just leave at 5pm but often have to stay longer or come earlier to finish projects etc... I then have my two kids to take to activities (almost every night), or one needing something for school, school meetings etc... Week-ends are spent doing sport, cleaning, washing, shopping, ironing, sorting paper work and I am usually knackered by the evening.

The biggest problem is planning. I always get anxious because I always get worried I won't feel up to going out at all and will either force myself to go out or will cancel and feel terrible. It is true that often enjoy myself when I do make myself go, but not always, sometimes I spend the evening wishing I was in bed reading my book.

I do know that this is an effect of work. When I am off for some time, I suddenly feel like another person. It's life though and no point in feeling too guilty about it. My friends are very understanding and I have lost any over it. It is just that we don't see each other as often as we would like.

Netwizard

queengoth wrote: »

It's very hard to get the balance right. I work nights so I too find it hard to meet up with friends. Even on the days I am off I have been at work the night before so want to go to bed. I resented spending my time off to do household jobs so now make more of an effort during the week to get these done. Don't feel guilty about not wanting to go out today but sometimes you have to make the effort or it's all work and no play. You can still do things in the house and socialise too. Just meeting for a coffee and a catch up rather than a night out keeps me in the loop, and means I still get time to slob about the house if I want.

Pretty much sums up how I feel as I work nights too. My friends understand this and also, none of us really like going out into town nowadays so my socialising usually consists of visiting friends roubd their houses and indulging in a few vodkas and a takeaway!

Prothet_of_Doom

My wife treaked across the country on Pubic Transport that is our rail network to see friends, over the weekend, and complained that she didn't want to go. When I suggested that next time they could come here, she said they couldn't do that as she'd have to clean the house.

SandC

I would try not to feel guilty OP, as someone else has said, nobody else feels that but you so it's kind of a wasted emotion.

In a way it's a learned thing..... I knew a couple of friends were going out into town on Friday night but they hadn't mentioned it directly to me.... absolutely no problem with that.... yet 7.30pm I get a message on facebook from one of them asking do I fancy it....

Well I ignored the message and replied on Sat that I don't have internet on my phone and missed the invite and hoped they'd had a good night. No guilt here whatsoever!

I love my weekends, which are mostly quiet and a great time to pamper myself, catch up with rubbish tv, listen to music and chill. I sometimes have plans but these are never last minute, it's nice knowing the week after next I'm meeting up with the girls but next weekend I've got nothing but me time.

pawsies

Invite her to yours for a coffee instead if you are worried about the storm?

NinjaSavingKat

I have been debt busting for a year now and resigned myself to staying in and never going out in order to stick with my self-imposed debt free day. It's been a super hard slog but one thing has struck me. Now that I question EVERY where I go and what I do as to whether it is financially worth it I also question where I am going and who with.

There were some people in my life who were quite frankly not worth the bother. I sometimes work 7 days a week including nights. My free time is precious and I am very careful now about the quality of the time I spend "going out" if I actually manage to. It's made me realise that in some circumstances I would rather stay at home.

But there is that guilt that I am missing out on life. However, when I am debt free I will be finding one thing, hobby or sport that I really want to do and pursue it properly and try to "be good" at it and that will be my "getting out of the house". I have realise sitting in cafes / clubs and pubs do nothing for me but I still want to socialise with like-minded folk.