Guilt about staying in...

ozma83

This may sound a little weird... I feel guilt about many things usually - spending money on one thing rather than another, and generally not saving enough, not calling my parents enough, etc etc - and I am generally very anxious.

I have now realised I also feel guilty about staying in when I have some free time and could go out.

Is this insane?

I'll explain: in this case, for example, I've had 2 very very busy weeks at work, was exhausted, so much so that I went to bed at 10pm on Friday and slept right through for 13 hours.. but I haven't done anything yesterday and feel very lazy again today, even though my friend has invited me over to her place for coffee. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks but all I can think about is that the storm is coming and it would also take me nearly an hour both ways to and from her house...

I feel guilty because I feel like I don't have a social life When I'm at home I very rarely lounge about, I usually try to use my time to catch up on everything I can't do during the week (tidying up, ironing, cleaning, comping! ) and yet this feeling of guilt makes me feel like I am wasting my time/not using my time properly...

How do I deal with this?

queengoth

It's very hard to get the balance right. I work nights so I too find it hard to meet up with friends. Even on the days I am off I have been at work the night before so want to go to bed. I resented spending my time off to do household jobs so now make more of an effort during the week to get these done. Don't feel guilty about not wanting to go out today but sometimes you have to make the effort or it's all work and no play. You can still do things in the house and socialise too. Just meeting for a coffee and a catch up rather than a night out keeps me in the loop, and means I still get time to slob about the house if I want.

thorsoak

Don't feel guilty - you've been busy, and also sensible about today if we get what we've been promised!

As long as you aren't cleaning/tidying in order to "fill your time", and you feel content, don't feel guilty. Accept invitations that mean that you will enjoy the event - whether it be going out for a coffee or a first night premiere (:-D) - and decline those that would mean that you are gong purely because you "feel you ought to accept".

Of course I'm not saying that you should ignore seeing family and friends - but see them when you want to - or when they really need you!

maman

I'd say what's getting to you is similar to Protestant Work Ethic or put simply you think you have to be constantly working or doing something constructive. It's probably part of your upbringing.

You don't have to be always on the go and I think you're doing really well to say no to friends and rest up at home.

I'm very similar to you in that respect. I generally can stay idle for a short while and then boredom gets me doing something. Meanwhile there's always daytime telly and the internet!:rotfl:

Enjoy your rest.:)

splishsplash

Feel guilty if that's what you want to do. Don't if it's not.

Simplistic maybe, but think about it. Whether you feel guilty or not doesn't matter to anyone but you.

Do you want to go see your friend?
Yes? Then stop faffing and just go.
No? Then give her a call, tell her you're wrecked and want to slob out for the day and just do that.

You fill your time at home doing chores instead of going out to socialize? Sounds like procrastination. If having a social life mattered that much to you, you'd be out having it and maybe feeling a bit guilty for not being caught up on housework/comping etc, not the other way round.

Have a think about what you're doing. You're wasting your time feeling anxious and guilty over things that matter not one bit. Whatever you're doing, own it, be present it the moment and enjoy it. Life really is too short to do otherwise.

sweetme

Don't feel guilty. I work full time doing an extremely stressful job. It isn't a physically taxing job but it leaves me completely mentally drained by the weekend. I rarely, if ever, leave the house on a Sunday. I need this one day to re-charge and relax and prepare for the next week, I find my kids enjoy spending the day chilling/just enjoying being home as well, after beating myself up with guilt about not taking them out. I don't feel guilty now, my needs need met as well

ozma83

Thank you so much everyone. Your views are very interesting.

I think my main reason to feel guilty is that I do want to go out and see friends etc, but most of the time after a long week I just feel too lazy to even get on a bus/train and go out! In short, on a Friday/Saturday night I feel like I should go out, but I'd rather stay home and lounge/watch TV/pamper myself etc. I guess very often I am victim of the 'weekend bully' and feel like there are some things you should do no matter what you really want to do.

I know, I should stop thinking so much and just start being in the present, but I am finding it a bit hard to hammer that into my mind.

PasturesNew

I never do anything. I feel I should, but then I'm reminded of how expensive it is to step out of the ffront door and my guilt's over.

Goldiegirl

I quite like staying in, but sometimes it feels that other peoples every day and evening seems to be crammed with social events.

I wouldn't like that intense schedule of socialising - it'd be too much for me.

I think we are all different, and if you want to spend time at home, go for it and don't feel pressurised to do housework all the time, or go out when you don't want to.

It's important to enjoy life in a way that suits you

sulphate

I don't really have a social life. I see my friends every couple of months. I don't really feel guilty about it either though. I work full time and after spending time with my DH, taking care of our bunnies, seeing our parents, and trying to make the house look acceptable I don't have a lot of time left.

davenport151

Hi osma83. Did your friend even offer to come to you? If it takes a while to get to each others perhaps it would be fairer to take it in turns to visit. Another time you could perhaps meet half way? Make sure it isn't all one sided.

I know exactly what you mean. As queengoth said its hard to get the balance right. When you have had a busy week (or weeks) its hard to get the enthusiam for going out.