Domestic violence next door

wiggywoo9

Right, I live in a small HA block of flats and maisonettes. I've lived here since Jan. A month and half ago, a new family moved in next door. Since then, I've heard terrible things through the walls. Screaming, pleading, shouting, shouting, banging, etc., the list goes on.

The first few times, I thought it was just moving or a noisy family not used to the thin walls. I'm a single mum with a 2 year old boy and we're usually pretty quiet, but remember being noisy when moving everything in.

The first time it got serious, she and her child went to my other neighbour to call police due to domestic violence (I was out). I've called the police twice since then, plus NSPCC and my HA.

It's not just the noise, its the agony of knowing there are kids (?) possibly two but definitely one, there all the time, plus my own son being scared cos of the sounds coming from the walls. I have to hug him, close all doors, put TV up louder and reassure my dog too. He's only a small dog but obviously growls as it sounds so close as they are literally a few bricks away.

Today I had to call them again, saw them run back inside on stairwell through peephole when buzzing police in. They refused to open up, so I had to open my door, to confirm they were definitely in and what I heard. I'm so worried now that there may be repercussions because it's definitely me reporting it. I'm alone, only 5'2 and don't know what I'd do if they confronted me. I've also got the only exposed window in the block, looking onto the stairwell but it is double glazed. My door is also only wood, with one small bolt.

But I refuse to NOT call the police, because there are kids, and now there's a social worker involved. I don't want all this on my doorstep, literally, and don't pay rent to have these on my mind. We've been happy here before now and I don't think there's much I can take! I can't afford to leave but don't think its good for my very young tot to hear/see all this!

Any advice?

My HA hasn't bothered to contact me or follow this up and the woman certainly isn't going to change the situation. Its not my place to judge but I get so angry when she doesn't try to sort it out for good, get him lost, help her child instead!

System

Is the block of flats managed? Is there a designated person from the HA who is responsible for overseeing things like the estate and anti-social behaviour?

LannieDuck

I was going to suggest giving social services a call, but if they have a social worker involved, I guess they're already aware? Might be worth it anyway in case you can add any information.

I don't think there's much you can do that you aren't already doing. And well done for doing it. I would be nervous too in your position, but I hope I would have the courage to call the police each time anyway.

pink_princess

Have the police said why they are not taking him away?

sulkisu

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Right, I live in a small HA block of flats and maisonettes. I've lived here since Jan. A month and half ago, a new family moved in next door. Since then, I've heard terrible things through the walls. Screaming, pleading, shouting, shouting, banging, etc., the list goes on.

The first few times, I thought it was just moving or a noisy family not used to the thin walls. I'm a single mum with a 2 year old boy and we're usually pretty quiet, but remember being noisy when moving everything in.

The first time it got serious, she and her child went to my other neighbour to call police due to domestic violence (I was out). I've called the police twice since then, plus NSPCC and my HA.

It's not just the noise, its the agony of knowing there are kids (?) possibly two but definitely one, there all the time, plus my own son being scared cos of the sounds coming from the walls. I have to hug him, close all doors, put TV up louder and reassure my dog too. He's only a small dog but obviously growls as it sounds so close as they are literally a few bricks away.

Today I had to call them again, saw them run back inside on stairwell through peephole when buzzing police in. They refused to open up, so I had to open my door, to confirm they were definitely in and what I heard. I'm so worried now that there may be repercussions because it's definitely me reporting it. I'm alone, only 5'2 and don't know what I'd do if they confronted me. I've also got the only exposed window in the block, looking onto the stairwell but it is double glazed. My door is also only wood, with one small bolt.

But I refuse to NOT call the police, because there are kids, and now there's a social worker involved. I don't want all this on my doorstep, literally, and don't pay rent to have these on my mind. We've been happy here before now and I don't think there's much I can take! I can't afford to leave but don't think its good for my very young tot to hear/see all this!

Any advice?

My HA hasn't bothered to contact me or follow this up and the woman certainly isn't going to change the situation. Its not my place to judge but I get so angry when she doesn't try to sort it out for good, get him lost, help her child instead!

I have been in a similar situation (DV next door) and I also worked in housing for a few years, so have some experience.

My advice would be to call the police whenever you hear anything (if you want to), and leave it at that - let it go. Until the woman in question (assuming he is the aggressor), decides that she wants to press charges and take it further, nothing will happen - unless someone ends up dead or seriously injured. Even though you reported it, neither the HA nor the police can/will discuss it with you or follow up on what has happened.
It's hard and it's emotionally draining, especially when there are children involved but apart from reporting the various incidents, there is little else you can do.

wiggywoo9

I've just heard her shouting 'can't be seen' with police and 'can't do anything'. I just don't want THAT mess or violent person near my tot- you just don't know what he'll remember or how it would impact him later on. That poor kid/s living there must be in hell- what kind of person will he become? I hope to god she comes to sense, moves away to start afresh and remove him permanently. I don't think there's any way I could help tbh!

marisco_2

I think you were right to report your concerns, and to try to seek help for people clearly in a very desperate situation. To do all of this despite having understandable worries about repercussions was brave. I can understand you feeling angry and despairing, as to why the woman stays put and keeps herself and the children in the home at risk. Abuse is extremely complicated though. What you are hearing and being exposed to now sounds like abuse reaching its peak. It would most likely have escalated gradually over a long time period and have started with emotional abuse.

Over months or even years the woman's confidence, sense of self worth and self esteem will have been chipped away. She is probably a shadow of her former self who struggles to think straight and questions her judgement over every little thing. All of her energy will be drained away trying to stay one step ahead of her abuser, treading on eggshells so as not to set off another outburst. I hope that the social worker and any other appropriate agencies brought in to help the family can make a difference in time.

hollydays

On behalf of anyone who's been abused , or knows anyone who has been through this wiggy woo- thank you.

pink_princess

sulkisu wrote: »

I have been in a similar situation (DV next door) and I also worked in housing for a few years, so have some experience.

My advice would be to call the police whenever you hear anything (if you want to), and leave it at that - let it go. Until the woman in question (assuming he is the aggressor), decides that she wants to press charges and take it further, nothing will happen - unless someone ends up dead or seriously injured. Even though you reported it, neither the HA nor the police can/will discuss it with you or follow up on what has happened.
It's hard and it's emotionally draining, especially when there are children involved but apart from reporting the various incidents, there is little else you can do.

The woman does not have to press charges now, hence me asking why the police are not dealing with it?

Richard53

Report it and report it again, to police, social services, the HA, whoever will listen. And again, and again.

Not because it will do any good (although it might), but because when there is the inevitable public enquiry, and some well-paid suit is on the TV saying gravely that "lessons have been learned", you will at least have a clear conscience.

sulkisu

pink_princess wrote: »

The woman does not have to press charges now, hence me asking why the police are not dealing with it?

She might not have to press charges, but remember that you are only hearing one side of what is happening - the police arrive and depending on what they both say, they might be powerless to act. For example she could have told the police that she was the aggressor, he didn't actually hit her, the noise was them both chucking things at each other, it was just an argument and whoever called the police was overreacting - that's what my neighbour used to say. Apparently we (I'm not sure if they knew which of us had called)only called the police because we wanted drive them out, we were racist, snobs, etc.

TBH each time I swore that I wouldn't get involved and would just leave her to it, but in the end I couldn't do that. Ironically, she finally got rid of him after one particular bad beating when nobody called the police. I was out, and none of the other neighbours wanted to get involved.