Domestic violence next door

System

You could ask for a transfer, possibly? Although if you were really unlucky the same situaion could then happen in the new flat, too

hollydays

duchy wrote: »

Not always true.
My ex neighbours used to have the police out weekly. The shouting and screaming was daily. Everyone tried to help the girl .....but as time went on it became clear she would deliberately wind him up - and was equally capable of attacking him physically as well as verbally (if not more so). It was a toxic relationship -full of drama-you'd have furniture flying and the most vicious taunts -then ten minutes later they'd be walking hand in hand down the road.

I do agree it's about self esteem (both had quite rocky upbringings) but ultimately any change has to come from within a relationship. Social services will simply want to ensure they are not hurting the kids (and I do agree it's stupid - the damage exposing kids to the idea that kind of physical and verbal abuse is "normal" is scary) .

In the OP's situation she has complained to all the right people ....and has no idea if things are happening in the background with any of these agencies. All she can really do for now is keep a diary and get the HA to deal with it as a noise pollution issue.

Just because they are walking hand in hand means nothing.
In fact abusive men particularly love to have the woman holding his hand or makes them link their arm in public.Confusing- yep- think how the woman feels.

It is normal to try to fight back at the abuse , and your mental health with often be frail. Nothing you've said here proves she isn't being abused.its terribly sad and complex.

Richard53

duchy wrote: »

You really have missed the point haven't you

Not really. First sentence meant in all seriousness; second sentence a kind of cynical comment on the way these things often turn out. I think the OP has been very brave with what she has done so far, and I commend her for that. I hope I would be as brave in her circumstances, but I couldn't be sure.

Sorry for the cynicism I expressed. Probably not appropriate for this thread. I just despair at how many people genuinely care about issues like this, but when something dreadful happens the official response is always the same - lessons learned, but nothing ever changes.

tinkerbell28

Keep reporting it. I know it probably seems like they're doing nothing......

But police and SS are really hot on DV where kids are present.

So SS are already involved. Every police report and attendance will go to SS.

In the end they'll force removal of the bloke, or take the child away and try their best to help the Mum get shot of him if she initially refuses.

duchy

hollydays wrote: »

Just because they are walking hand in hand means nothing.
In fact abusive men particularly love to have the woman holding his hand or makes them link their arm in public.Confusing- yep- think how the woman feels.

It is normal to try to fight back at the abuse , and your mental health with often be frail. Nothing you've said here proves she isn't being abused.its terribly sad and complex.

Not always ........ In the end I realised SHE was the abuser and manipulator. It's not just men who are abusive but people of either sex.

Blackpool_Saver

We can never know exactly what is going on of course BUT narcissists/psychopaths can and will wind you up to the point it looks like you are goading them, they do it very quietly and cleverly so you always look like the one who is shouting and screaming. It is very complex. Gas-lighting can make you look like the crazy one.

jackyann

Thank you, OP for taking this so seriously. It really is a good example of "no good deed goes unpunished"!
I'm afraid that you really do have to keep reporting it. I know it is more work for you, but your best bet is to contact your local Domestic Abuse Unit - there will be one, and the best way to find them is via your local police. speak to someone there, who will be used to this, and will set you up with an email or phone number to ring every time you are aware of the abuse. This saves you trying to find out who to report it to every time.
And maybe Richard has partly missed the point, but actually, should anything dreadful happen, saying to yourself "I did what I could" is really some comfort.
Also, when the police or SS are trying to gather evidence & establish a pattern, sometimes all they can do is log your calls or emails. They can be much more help than it appears at the moment.

Don't forget to look after yourself, get support from people who care about you. I don't know how sensible it is to consider moving: depends on how much it upsets you and how much, otherwise, you like your place.