Should I ask my friend to remove my pictures

ska_lover

I would ask my friend to remove them if it were me, to save any upset, as do not see the point in deliberately causing upset - it is not pandering to him, it is being a bit more adult IMO. Adults do not go around deliberately hurting each other.

Having said that though, the damage is done, he has already seen them

spacey2012

What has been seen can never be unseen.

coolcait

FatVonD wrote: »

Could your friend caption them to make it obvious it's a random stranger?

Or take them down, I don't think it hurts to be considerate of other people's feelings.

But the OP has been considerate of her ex's feelings - she has taken the time to explain to him that the man in the photos is a random stranger.

The idea that it doesn't hurt "to be considerate of other people's feelings" also applies to the ex.

Even if the OP had moved on quickly, that is her prerogative. It is for the ex to manage his feelings about that, without making remarks to the OP.

The same would hold true if it was the ex who had moved on, and it was the OP who was making remarks to him.

krlyr

ska_lover wrote: »

I would ask my friend to remove them if it were me, to save any upset, as do not see the point in deliberately causing upset - it is not pandering to him, it is being a bit more adult IMO. Adults do not go around deliberately hurting each other.

Having said that though, the damage is done, he has already seen them

But OP's intention wasn't to cause upset, it's not like she's posted photos of herself and made out that more happened than did to make her ex jealous. She's had a night out, which she is more than entitled to do, her friend has got some photos of her with some strangers, and posted them of her own accord on her Facebook.

If OP's ex finds that upsetting, I think it is him who needs to address that issue, not OP. Would you expect your friends to remove photos of themselves because you were annoyed they were photographed having more fun than you?

It's not like OP and her ex are on a break, they have split up, he no longer has 'exclusivity' over her or anything. It sounds like OP is quite considerate and if her ex knew her as well as he should, he should realise that she's not going to go out on the pull and wave it under his nose. I think it's more insulting to the OP to accuse her of that, than the friend's innocent photo is to the ex.

peachyprice

ska_lover wrote: »

I would ask my friend to remove them if it were me, to save any upset, as do not see the point in deliberately causing upset - it is not pandering to him, it is being a bit more adult IMO. Adults do not go around deliberately hurting each other.

Having said that though, the damage is done, he has already seen them

HE sought out the pictures, why on earth would an adult do that?

They weren't put up to hurt him, if he hadn't been searching OP's friends FB page he wouldn't have seen them in the first place.

OP can't expect her friends to bow to pressure from a man who is behaving like a petulant teenager.

yvonne13_2

I still love him and as he's still not over me yet I'm doing my best not to do anything to hurt him.

The split was down to time constraints only, now the pictures has surfaced its made him think that I've been spending time with someone else. His main issue is if it was a stranger why are there no other photos with me and other men.

I don't want to go back to him as I know everything will be fine for the first week then bam....he's back with his friend Dave.

geri1965_2

But taking the photos down won't make him believe that you are telling the truth. He's already seen them and made up his mind.

aileth

Personally I'd reconsider the friendship if he's constantly going to be looking over your shoulder and commenting about who you're hanging out with or what you're doing.

peachyprice

yvonne13 wrote: »

I still love him and as he's still not over me yet I'm doing my best not to do anything to hurt him.

The split was down to time constraints only, now the pictures has surfaced its made him think that I've been spending time with someone else. His main issue is if it was a stranger why are there no other photos with me and other men.

I don't want to go back to him as I know everything will be fine for the first week then bam....he's back with his friend Dave.

Did you ask how he even found the pictures, as they were on your friends FB? Why was he checking out what you were doing?

If you take them down this time what are you going to do the next time you go out? Are you going to refuse to have your pic taken in case he sees them? Are you willing to tell all your friends that they're not allowed to put photos of you on FB? How long do you let that go on for?

DigForVictory

Advice to a Discarded Lover

Think, now; if you had found a dead bird,
Not only dead, not only fallen,
But full of maggots: what would you feel –
More pity or more revulsion?

Pity is for the moment of death
And the moments after. It changes
When decay comes, with the creeping stench
And the wriggling, munching scavengers.

Returning later, you will see
A shape of clean bone, a few feathers,
An inoffensive symbol of what
Once lived. Nothing to make you shudder.

It is clear then. But perhaps you find
The analogy I have chosen
For our dead affair rather gruesome –
Too unpleasant a comparison.

It is not accidental. In you
I see maggots close to the surface.
You are eaten up by self-pity,
Crawling with unlovable pathos.

If I were to touch you I should feel
Against my fingers fat, moist worm-skin.
Do not ask me for charity now:
Go away until your bones are clean.

Fleur Adcock

Either stay off Fb, or block him for a bit. You need to get over this & a clear break will help.