Housekeeping budget

kboss2010

I agree that it should be phrased nicely, but, *ducks to avoid cans being thrown* if you're paying, you should be setting the budgets. It's maybe the most anti-feminist thing I'll ever say but if your wife is content to be a homemaker and not go out to work to earn money then she should accept that the breadwinner makes the rules when it comes to spending. I would say the same if the situation was reversed.

You giving her your credit card to buy essentials is not carte Blanche for her to spend whatever she wants and in the long term it will hurt the whole family. She needs to understand this. Yes, it's a difficult conversation but it needs to be had.

Maybe there's a reason for her high spending that you don't know about. Maybe she's secretly unhappy being at home and relying on you all of the time. Or maybe she just feels like you should keep her in the manner to which she's become accustomed because you're her husband and that's your "job". If it's the latter I'd tell her to grow up. But most likely, there's some other reason behind it.

Good luck!

Mojisola

You could put a statement of affairs on the debt free board, you'll get suggestions from helpful people about where you can cut spending. That could be the basis for on-going discussions with your wife about the household finances.

Kayalana99

I think people are being to harsh. She stays at home with kids fair enough - but shes spending £1200 a month ...on what? It seems abit selfish to me that he goes off to work and she basicly goes out shopping and spending that amount of money...and maybe a budget is the only way it will calm her down! :A


Personally I'd forget the food budget for now, £200 is alot but its not OTT with three kids and a spending problem I bet she would be on the fence about that.

Assuming your not in debt but just looking to cut back I'd probably leave that where it is, I'd focus on what shes buying for the credit card but you will need to talk to her about it and don't just cut her off as people have said divorce bells...I'd aim to do it gradually as well (unless your in debt ofc thats where I'd be putting my foot down)

We have a santander credit card that gives us cash back we only use it for shopping & petrol and this comes to about £450 a month for a family of 4 (including a baby that doesn't cost anything ATM lol) and I generally spend around £200 a month, that includes clothes for the kids any extras that you never think about like car parking fees..or takeaways...and if anything is left at end month I'll buy myself something but their usally isn't much.

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I think people are being to harsh. She stays at home with kids fair enough - but shes spending £1200 a month ...on what?

It seems abit selfish to me that he goes off to work and she basicly goes out shopping and spending that amount of money...and maybe a budget is the only way it will calm her down!

It is a lot of money every month but imposing a limit on the spending without knowing where it's going isn't the best place to start.

She needs to be able to say where the money is going and they should work together to arrive at a budget.

I've found it can help focus attention if you put it in very practical terms - "I have to work for x hours to earn the money to pay for that", "If we reduced our spending by £x a month, then we would rainy day savings of £z after a year or plan a holiday or make improvements to the house, etc."

Goldiegirl

kboss2010 wrote: »

I agree that it should be phrased nicely, but, *ducks to avoid cans being thrown* if you're paying, you should be setting the budgets. It's maybe the most anti-feminist thing I'll ever say but if your wife is content to be a homemaker and not go out to work to earn money then she should accept that the breadwinner makes the rules when it comes to spending. I would say the same if the situation was reversed.

You giving her your credit card to buy essentials is not carte Blanche for her to spend whatever she wants and in the long term it will hurt the whole family. She needs to understand this. Yes, it's a difficult conversation but it needs to be had.

Maybe there's a reason for her high spending that you don't know about. Maybe she's secretly unhappy being at home and relying on you all of the time. Or maybe she just feels like you should keep her in the manner to which she's become accustomed because you're her husband and that's your "job". If it's the latter I'd tell her to grow up. But most likely, there's some other reason behind it.

Good luck!

I would completely disagree with you.

The parties in a marriage or relationship are equal partners. Different roles are carried out within the marriage, but each role carries equal weight.

Just because one party is earning the money for the partnership, it doesn't mean the earner can dictate how the money is spent - that money is meant for the partnership, so both parties have an equal say on how those funds are used.

I think the OP needs to speak to his wife, show her the bank statements to illustrate his worries and work together on how to agree the way forward.

littlegreenpeas

How about setting up a SOA, that you both fill in together.

Showing her that you won't be able to pay the bills or do nice things unless you can set a budget. Sit down talk and decide on a goal you both want

If you only set a budget for your wife and not your family then that creates bad feeling and could result in her spending more to spite you. Husbands best mate did it so wife racked up 25K in cc debt to illustrate how unhappy she was about it.

Good luck

arbroath_lass

blackpeach wrote: »

Have hinted about her high spending in the past. It never goes down well. I think im going to have to impose some financial discipline before it gets imposed on us, when we run out of money.
Dont have anyone to talk to about it, hence asking here.

You have your wife :mad:. You sound straight out if the 1950s.


Whilst I agree that £200 a week is a lot (for some people) you need to look at your lifestyle together and agree what changes you can make. Why don't you go shopping together to see where savings can be made? You could both spend a month writing down everything you spend and go over it together.


You'll note I've used the word "together" a lot above.


Imposing restrictions will not work. You all need to be on board with this. Which means explaining exactly why you are worried and what you want to achieve (and you may have to compromise here).

dawyldthing

2000 on shopping is a heck of a lot of money. I earn just over half that and have to pay all the bills and mortgage out of it and still have some left over. I'd sit down and do a budget with her and just explain that you will have to cut back on something and was wondering if she could help you look into it as your then not telling her to cut back but asking her as a partner to be an equal and find things that you both could cut back on to balance the books

savingmummy

blackpeach wrote: »

Would be interested to know how much other similar sized families are spending, my wife can spend over £2000 a month sometimes, the biggest part being the weekly shop, which can be over £200 a week sometimes.

How much is everyone else spending?

we have 2 children 7 and 5.
My husband pays all the bills direct debit, and he gives me £100 a week for groceries, any change i use for top up shopping or treats for the children.
I use child benefit and tax credits for clothing, school trips/meals etc.

themull1

Why do your clothes have to be a different budget to your wife and kids clothes? Is your budget unlimited but your wife's is controlled?