Husband wants to end it 30 wks pregnant and 2 kids

liammc2606

Hi everyone, I'm in turmoil at the moment. For the last 10 months, DH has been distant, I started to notice that he was becoming a little over friendly with a colleague at work, he takes her son to the match with my 2 kids, he downloads movies for her, has sorted out theater tickets, gives her tips etc..which at first I thought was fine because they work closely. But then, I saw some of her texts and she was so complimentary towards him, saying she cant wait til hes back from holiday and the like. I never said nothing. But then, the texts started to disappear, he started to delete them all which got me suspicious, I then found an email saying that she is ok and hopefully will get some sleep, I asked him what that was about and she said she wasn't well and felt sorry for her. Here's me with sore back, morning sickness and the like and not once did he show that concern so I felt hurt. I lost it, and told her to back off. But then the next day whilst at work myself, I learned that she went to a game with my husband, 2 kids, and my in laws after me telling her to back off. He never told me, my kids happened to mention she was there. So I saw red. I threw him out.

I calmed down and told him to come home but then he said he had had enough. He said he feels I have always hated him, I have threatened to leave many times cos things weren't working but I never did because I love him so much, we have been together for over 20 years and hoped we could get through it. But, for the last 2 weeks he has said he will stay until I have baby (due at Christmas) then he is moving on. I have begged, apologised profusely, I cry every day I am absolutely heartbroken. I thought we could conquer anything.

The house is in his name. I have lived in it for 10 years, my son is 9 and daughter 7 and we have one due in December. He said he wants to finish house and then he will put mortgage in 3 kids names and then I can rent it off him. We have a lot of debt too. I work but about to go on maternity, its only part time 32 hours 200 a week, I wouldnt be able to afford anything. He won't leave now, he mopes round the house and I can't help pressing him for another chance which turns into me in floods and him closing the door.

Any advice would be appreciated, my friends and family are telling me to leave, there is a house to rent next door to my mums I am viewing it on Thursday, I think I should be able to get housing benefit..if anyone knows that would be great.

Thanks for reading this.

Ruth xx

RAS

The starting point is are you married or not?

Are all three kids his, or not?

These massively affect what you might be entitled to when he leaves.

alwaysonthego_2

If you are married, you are entitled to half of the house at least. You need to register your interest with the land registry. You could be entitled to stay in he house until your children leave full time education.

You need to get some legal advice to find out your rights, some solicitors offer a free half an hour session.

I really do feel for you, perhaps ask him to leave now, so you are not having to face him.

Contact tax credits as you could be entitled to working tax credits and more child tax credits as a single parent.

tinkerbell28

DO NOT LEAVE THE MARITAL HOME.

It will be much harder to get back in.

As his wife, with soon to be 3 young children. You'll come out of this a lot better than him, he is talking nonsense.

However get legal advice, but the first thing they will say is DO NOT LEAVE. It makes a case for fighting for your share a lot easier if you are resident with kids. So you can start divorce proceedings and the residency proceedings, even with him living there. He can then be ordered to leave.

I know it does not seem like it now, but in the long run you'll be the one laughing. He's messing about with a colleague.

He won't be such a catch to her when he's forking out for the house by court order and three kids. He'll be skint and if he can do it to his pregnant wife, he will do it to her.

Don't let him force you out, get legal advice asap. Stop pressing him for another chance. At the moment he's got his cake and eating it, he's being cruel whilst he waits to go off with his other woman.

He is probably getting clued up on the legalities now, so you do the same.

liammc2606

RAS wrote: »

The starting point is are you married or not?

Are all three kids his, or not?

These massively affect what you might be entitled to when he leaves.

Yes I am married sorry for 13 years, and all kids are his.

liammc2606

Thanks, I wanted to leave and go into another house because I hate living here in this house, I want to be near friends and family, can I still not register interest, I know the colleague is a divorcee with her own property so its not like he is going to move her in. Also, I cannot afford the mortgage payments, the council tax, and all other outgoings, sure I have done a tax credit check but with my wages it still wont cover them..thanks for all your help.

Ruth xx

LannieDuck

He wants his children to pay rent in order to live in a house he owns? He's having a laugh.

Married for 13 years with 3 kids, go and speak to a solicitor. He's leading you a merry dance at the moment, and probably hoping fervently that you'll take his word for it all and not figure out what you're actually entitled to.

LannieDuck

liammc2606 wrote: »

Thanks, I wanted to leave and go into another house because I hate living here in this house, I want to be near friends and family, can I still not register interest, I know the colleague is a divorcee with her own property so its not like he is going to move her in. Also, I cannot afford the mortgage payments, the council tax, and all other outgoings, sure I have done a tax credit check but with my wages it still wont cover them..thanks for all your help.

Ruth xx

Council tax will reduce to the single-adult version. Plus CSA for three children, plus child benefit, plus housing benefit to help with mortgage payments...

Is the mortgage in his name or both of your names?

Who's name is the debt in? Is it joint?

RAS

liammc2606 wrote: »

Thanks, I wanted to leave and go into another house because I hate living here in this house, I want to be near friends and family, can I still not register interest, I know the colleague is a divorcee with her own property so its not like he is going to move her in. Also, I cannot afford the mortgage payments, the council tax, and all other outgoings, sure I have done a tax credit check but with my wages it still wont cover them..thanks for all your help.

Ruth xx

Have you taken into account:

Mortgage Interest Allowance?
that you will be entitled to 25% of his income via the CSA? They will take it from his salary if he does not pay.

liammc2606

LannieDuck wrote: »

Council tax will reduce to the single-adult version. Plus CSA for three children, plus child benefit, plus housing benefit to help with mortgage payments...

Is the mortgage in his name or both of your names?

Who's name is the debt in? Is it joint?

The mortgage is in his name.

The debt is joint, some of my credit cards and some of his.

tinkerbell28

liammc2606 wrote: »

Thanks, I wanted to leave and go into another house because I hate living here in this house, I want to be near friends and family, can I still not register interest, I know the colleague is a divorcee with her own property so its not like he is going to move her in. Also, I cannot afford the mortgage payments, the council tax, and all other outgoings, sure I have done a tax credit check but with my wages it still wont cover them..thanks for all your help.

Ruth xx

The thing is, it depends if there is much equity. If there is then yes you can put in for your share. The thing is, if there is little or no equity it will be all eaten up by solicitors fees.

It all depends on the situation and what you want for the long term. He's responsible for the mortgage, so he has to pay it. As your husband and the father to the kids, he'd be expected to contribute towards a roof over their heads.

In all likely hood if you leave and then get housing benefit, the house will just be sold. As it is no longer yours or the children's residence.

So it all depends, as long term, you'd be better off staying, but only if emotionally you can cope with it.

I would go and see a solicitor asap, you can start divorce proceedings even if he is at home. It may give him the kick he needs. As frankly he is taking the p!ss and I think you'll end up being had, so will your kids. Protect their future now.