Lost! I think I need Help

meritaten

ok, I suggest you go back to the doctor on your own and tell him 'I may LOOK as if I am coping, but I am not! I feel in a dreadful place'. then tell him what you told us in the OP.
No-one is judging you - none of us has had calm peaceful uneventful lives where we feel fabulous all the time! we have all had our 'black' periods and can sympathise.
You DONT have to struggle on - help is out there, but YOU have to ask for it.

nowheretoturn

THANK YOU!

I can not tell you all how much all of your words mean to me, I know I don't know you all personally but your words have helped me feel a little less worried about trying to get some help. You have made me feel less alone with my feelings, I wouldn't wish how I am feeling on anyone but I do take comfort (sorry) that other people feel or have felt like I do, it makes me feel a bit more normal - if that makes any sense?

I've had a better day today, but tonight the feelings have come back with vengeance I'm getting all wound up about work tomorrow. I work in a really small company and I know none of them like me very much - sure they smile and talk but its all false. I am going to try and go to the doctors this week but I don't think having any time off from work will do me any good, all I would do is worry about them talking about me behind my back especially as the boss has most of his family working there (there are only 9 of us and his family make up 6 of them). I work really hard there and deep down I know I do a good job, but somehow I feel like they never think its enough. The more I give the more they take, but I am too scared of them talking about me to say no, so I just keep pushing myself to work even harder, taking work home and staying up at night etc.

Sorry for the long moan but it feels good to tell someone, I didn't mean to get all that out but I'm glad I have.

Thanks for all your patience with my ramblings x

Yorkie1

Please do try to make that GP's appointment, well done for coming back on here.

Good luck with work tomorrow, hope you manage to get some decent sleep tomorrow.

rosie_78

Good luck for your appointment xx

I went to my GP in January. I had never seen him before, only moving to this area in May 2011.

I find it hard to verbalise my feelings sometimes. I certainly could not of sat and spoken to him so instead I wrote it all down. Bullet point headings, with brief description of what I meant underneath. Then he pretty much led the whole conversation, asking questions which was a lot easier than me going in saying "I don't want to be here anymore".

If it helps, please let me know and I'll post you some of what my original list was.

That list then went to the psychiatrist (after his referral to CMHT) and my psychologist. I'm now on meds and waiting list for CAT (kind of like CBT).

It's been really really hard but it makes you feel so much less alone.

Also, if you want the text number for Samaritans, let me know and I'll send it to you. They answer very quickly on text and it's easier than talking (for me anyway).

Hope you're ok - it's a good first step being able to talk xx xx xx

busiscoming2

LouLou wrote: »

Not pointing the finger exactly, but it might be overstepping the mark, even hurtful, towards the OP using the word "paranoia".* It suggests she's being judged, by you, and that her worries about being friendless/not liked by others are all in her head. There's no way any of us can know this from words on a screen. Just saying and no offence meant, but when someone is very low words have to be chosen carefully.

We're all the products of our experiences in life, and I can only speak with certainty about myself. I was bullied very badly as a child, my (neglectful) mother had bullying/alcoholic partner who alternately ignored and bullied us, have had abusive friends who undermined me even more, boyfriends. Until, from somewhere, I managed to pull my emotional socks up and bin them!

However, the echoes of the past remain. I am still self conscious and shy amongst strangers, because years of being on guard, waiting for others to attack, is inbuilt in me. I can't stand loneliness because I feel I've had more than my fair share in life, and this has (if I'm being brutally honest, looking back) affected some of my life choices and relationships.

I still have periods of very bad depression where I can't even look at the TV. I don't want to go outside, nothing in life gives me joy. It's very frightening but it has no logic, or even any pattern...I wouldn't wish these episodes on anyone.

However, there IS help out there, and please don't suffer alone. Getting to the root of your feelings and anxieties doesn't magic them away, but it does help lessen their sting. You will smile again, and life will be sunnier for you, I promise. You will have people around you who understand and encourage, rather than try to pull you down.

Sending you loving thoughts. x

PS: I'm only giving you a glimpse into my life/head so that you know it's not just you. But please don't leave these feelings unchecked, thinking they'll go away: please share with someone you trust.

*Re-reading the first post, the OP used the word " 'paranoia' towards strangers", so I could be wrong here myself! But I'm tempted to think this is learned behaviour, from experience. Obviously more irrational thinking isn't something I can comment or offer advice on.

I was merely commenting on the OP's initial post. I didn't mean to cause offence and it certainly isn't my judgement of them.