Lost! I think I need Help

nowheretoturn

Hi

Apologies for registering under a new name, my other name is quite specific to me and I am already too ashamed of how I feel without the worry that someone will realise this is me.

Long story... cut short

I don't feel suicidal but I wouldn't mind not being here anymore. I know that sounds dramatic but I'm tired of pretending that I am ok. Now don't get me wrong I am coping with day to day things, my kids are well looked after, the house is ok but I'm not - I'm really hurting inside, I think I'm going mad.

I think EVERYONE hates me, I have NO friends. I'm paranoid that strangers are judging me.

I am just tired of feeling like this - everything is such a struggle. I hate work, I get no support there and find it really demanding.

I know I should go to the doctor but I don't know what to say. I nearly plucked up the courage this week but I had to take my daughter to see him and now I think the doctor won't take me seriously because I acted all right when I was with her.

I literally can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling and I feel so close to the edge of reality that I'm living someone else's life looking in. I really feel like I wouldn't mind not being here, but I know without a doubt at the moment that I wouldn't take my own life.

Help! Where should I turn for help? I know I'm not normal and the feelings I am having are wrong but I don't want to be labelled as an attention seeker or worse, a liar.

I can not carry on acting as if everything is all right, but I'm scared no one will believe how utterly distraught I feel - I mean I can't be that bad if noone suspects anything is wrong?!?

Thanks for reading

N

elona

Could you phone the samaritans and get a chance to get things off your chest?

It might give you a start on getting help or knowing the best way to approach things.

Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to?

HPoirot

Your doctor might be cleverer than you think. I didn't realise I was depressed, I thought I was acting alright all the time, but 2 of them picked up on my depression. Do reach out to him, he would have a lot of coping resources to offer you.

SaLoGo

You should really go and see your GP. I did it once and as soon as I walked in I burst into tears but he was very patient and sat and listened to me trying to tell him how I felt.

Another option is if you have an Employee Assistance Program at work. If you work for a large company the chances are you do and they are really helpful. I work for one and I arrange counselling for thousands of people in your situation every year.

Please try and speak to someone about this, you don't have to suffer alone.

nowheretoturn

Thanks for replying.

I couldn't imagine talking to anyone face to face about how I feel, I would be too scared of them talking behind my back - like I said I'm paranoid, I know I am but I can't help it.

I found typing how I feel hard, but I couldn't imagine actually speaking to someone - let alone someone who knows me.

I scared of being judged, scared of what people think about me.

Really sorry to be so negative.

busiscoming2

I agree with phoning the Samaritans and just talking anonymously to them. It may give you the strength (if that's the right word) to then speak to your GP.

How long have you felt like this? Do you have any idea where the paranoia (people judging you) stems from?

msb5262

Hi OP
Could you let your GP or practice nurse know about this by phone, or by writing a letter or emailing? You do sound really low. Please let someone know how you are feeling.
Best wishes
MsB

marisco_2

I am very sorry to hear that you are feeling so down OP. I get the impression that through prioritising others needs you may have neglected your own. You are now facing emotional difficulty and finding this hard to deal with. Do go back to your gp and speak really openly and honestly with him about how you are feeling. Alternatively you could consider contacting the Samaritans. They are extremely helpful and could offer you advice and recommend ways to find appropriate help and support.

geminilady

You are not going mad but you do sound depressed(just my opinion),how about printing your original post out and taking it to the Doctor.If he is good at his job he will not think you are fine just because you put on a front when you took your daughter.There is a lot of help out there you just need to take the first step

HPoirot

I know exactly where you are coming from OP, when you say that you are afraid of what the GP might think about you. Please do gear yourself up to take that first step and confront him with your state of mind, it took me another couple of months pondering on their reflections about my being depressed before I went back to one of them for help. I'm sure you will find they have no time to form opinions other than medical ones on your depression, and the more you open up to them the more helpful they will be. I'm sure you will be no worse than any other number of patients that come to them with these kinds of problems, and there are many every day of the week. And I agree with other posters that you do sound depressed.

building_with_lego

If you'd find it difficult to speak you can email the samaritans- jo@samaritans.org . Or you could print off what you've written here and give it to the gp to read.

Please find the strength to ask for help. Many of us have had similar thoughts and have learnt to overcome them. You won't always feel this way. Have a dodgy hug::grouphug: