Relationship breakdown whats a fair split?

FBaby

Why is 38 to old and past it ?

Well, if you give yourself the chance to meet someone, then time to be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then trying to conceive and hoping to fall pregnant, let alone pregnant two or three times, you do tend to be running out of time at 38. Some are fortunate to fall pregnant in their 40s, but the reality is there that getting pregnant at that age is not like getting pregnant at 20.

Kynthia

SailorSam wrote: »

Why is 38 to old and past it ?
There's no hope for me then, i'm well past my 'use by date' i might as well just dig a big hole in the back garden and climb in. Good bye folks it was nice while it lasted.

Yes that's exactly what I meant. :rotfl:

Or I meant that if you want time to recover from a long term relationship, time to date people and find the right one, time to have the relationship progress to the point you're ready to start a family together, then being 31 gives you more time than 38 does considering fertility declines with age. However most of us know someone who's very quickly met the love of their life and got serious, and many of us know women who've had babies in their 40's. So all that we know for sure is that we don't know what the future holds.

Soundgirlrocks

FBaby wrote: »

Well, if you give yourself the chance to meet someone, then time to be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then trying to conceive and hoping to fall pregnant, let alone pregnant two or three times, you do tend to be running out of time at 38. Some are fortunate to fall pregnant in their 40s, but the reality is there that getting pregnant at that age is not like getting pregnant at 20.

Biology is so unfair, men have none of these time constraints on their bodies. Most of the guys in my industry don't settle down till they are 45, and I go and fall in love with one in his twenties. I should have known it was a bad idea from the start!

Had a better day today managed to eat something and only had one panic attack. Just so sad, all my family are so angry at him (I'm quite shocked at how angry) I can't bring myself to be mad he thinks what he is doing is for the best.

I've got two weeks before he is back to get myself straight. I'm away the first two nights he'll be back from this tour so we will only be in the flat 4 nights together whilst he sorts his stuff out (he's in the spare room) I've told him he needs to have moved all his stuff out before he goes back on the road. I feel sorry for him at least I've still got a home.

hazyjo

At 30, you do still feel that thing where you say 'I'd want to be with someone for four years before thinking about marriage' then you think a couple of years later you'll want kids, and you panic thinking you've not even met that person yet and already you're thinking you'll be at least 36!

Trust me, things change at 30. You start to understand yourself and others. You don't take any BS. You will meet someone and you'll know very quickly if they're right or wrong. They'll (probably) be in their 30s, they'll probably know what they want, and, hopefully, things will progress naturally - but usually quicker than when you're in your 20s. If something's not right, you'll hopefully know within months.

There is a remote chance you can stay friends, but what you have to think is how you'll feel if he says he's met someone. Chances are it'll put you back to square one. If splitting up is not a result you want, walk away now and don't try to keep him in your life as a friend. I know it seems impossible not having him there, but it does get easier. If you keep him as a friend, if you're both single, it'll probably end up being 'more than friends' occasionally and I don't think that's healthy for you, him, or for any future partners you may have. It's easier to let go now.

(My first husband left me when I was 30 after around 6 years of being together. We'd only been married for a few months. Turned out he was shagging his secretary. Nice. Didn't tell me that though until after he'd gone - in fact, he told my mum (even though I'd guessed and he denied it). My world fell apart. I'd been with him since 24, did it all by the book, got engaged, then married, planned kids - and it all fell apart. (She got pregnant within months.)) Was so angry with him, let down, hurt, betrayed, ashamed, humiliated... so many emotions.

As I say - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... or a complete cynical b*tch ;-)

You don't need a man in your life to be complete. Try not to focus too much on meeting someone else. Concentrate on YOU. Build up a full and happy life without him.

Jx
PS Are you sure there's nobody else?!

Soundgirlrocks

hazyjo wrote: »

There is a remote chance you can stay friends, but what you have to think is how you'll feel if he says he's met someone. Chances are it'll put you back to square one. If splitting up is not a result you want, walk away now and don't try to keep him in your life as a friend. I know it seems impossible not having him there, but it does get easier. If you keep him as a friend, if you're both single, it'll probably end up being 'more than friends' occasionally and I don't think that's healthy for you, him, or for any future partners you may have. It's easier to let go now.

I hope we can be friends, yes it will be awful when he meets someone else but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. He has supported me through so much with losing my Dad I don't want him to be a stranger. We will have to interact at work occasionally and I need to remain professional as well. I don't think we are at risk of being "more" than friends he'll be working away most of the time and he is talking about basing himself up in Scotland so the time we will be around each other will be in a work environment when he is back in London.

hazyjo wrote: »

You don't need a man in your life to be complete. Try not to focus too much on meeting someone else. Concentrate on YOU. Build up a full and happy life without him.

Jx
PS Are you sure there's nobody else?!

Thank you. It sounds like you have been though the mill with your ex. Im as certain as I can be that he hasn't cheated but I guess I'll never know for sure. I think he has got emotionally close to people on tour but I don't think it has been physical, although that might have change now.

Back to the original reason I posted, he has said I can have the TV and DVD and he doesn't want any money for the stuff we bought together. I feel he is being unfair on himself as I know he is beating himself up about being the one who called it quits.

I can't seem to stop my self from worrying about him! Daft isn't it he's breaking my heart and I'm worried that he's giving himself a hard time about it! I guess you can't just turn off loving someone.

DigForVictory

It hurts because you still care.

Your family are (reasonably) sharpening fryingpans because you are hurt.

However, it's your flat, he's ended the relationship and he appears to have the joint asset furniture issue sorted.

Now it is time to stop worrying about being fair, close the joint account (in person - be clear the relationship is over and that you want your finances exclusively yours again) & eat that beautifully decorated cake.

The next few months (including Christmas, ouch) will be rough because all your usual shared habits will keep running into an empty space. (Watch the dog's weight. If there's half a supper in the bowl every night, you are overcooking.)

Your friends may be unsure how to behave - initially grieving & then moving on will be understood.

All the best with going forward. It may have lumps & bumps but we'll still be here if you need a place to chortle, or howl, which you don't want to share.

lostinrates

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I hope we can be friends, yes it will be awful when he meets someone else but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it. He has supported me through so much with losing my Dad I don't want him to be a stranger. We will have to interact at work occasionally and I need to remain professional as well. I don't think we are at risk of being "more" than friends he'll be working away most of the time and he is talking about basing himself up in Scotland so the time we will be around each other will be in a work environment when he is back in London.



Thank you. It sounds like you have been though the mill with your ex. Im as certain as I can be that he hasn't cheated but I guess I'll never know for sure. I think he has got emotionally close to people on tour but I don't think it has been physical, although that might have change now.

Back to the original reason I posted, he has said I can have the TV and DVD and he doesn't want any money for the stuff we bought together. I feel he is being unfair on himself as I know he is beating himself up about being the one who called it quits.

I can't seem to stop my self from worrying about him! Daft isn't it he's breaking my heart and I'm worried that he's giving himself a hard time about it! I guess you can't just turn off loving someone.

You are young. and doing well to be so settled at your age in London.


If he is moving to Scotland moving little stuff is going to be a false economy. He's probably better starting fresh.

newcook

If he's taking the entertainment system (leaving you to buy a new TV ) and you are giving him whats left in the joint account I wouldnt dream of offering him something for the furniture!!

as for meeting new friends - why not join a dog walking club?!

cells

I thought the rule was if you sre cohabiting as if you were married (ie living together) for more than 3 years the split is treated as if it were a marriage.

So all assets would be roughly halved assuming no kids.

Count yourself lucky he doesn't want half the house

mwddrwg

cells wrote: »

I thought the rule was if you sre cohabiting as if you were married (ie living together) for more than 3 years the split is treated as if it were a marriage.

So all assets would be roughly halved assuming no kids.

Count yourself lucky he doesn't want half the house

No such rule exists if you're not married :cool: