Relationship breakdown whats a fair split?

bagpussbear

Sorry you are feeling so low, can see how much of a shock this has come to you.

May I ask,why didn't he want to buy with you?

getmore4less

fluffnutter wrote: »

Ask him what he wants. Take it from there. He might want nothing. You won't know unless you talk to him.

If you want to stay friends talk.

SailorSam

Don't even think about giving him a share of your flat, Ok he may have paid towards it by way of rent but he lived there. You took the risk of buying and the costs, it's yours.

Soundgirlrocks

bagpussbear wrote: »

Sorry you are feeling so low, can see how much of a shock this has come to you.

May I ask,why didn't he want to buy with you?

He's a bit younger than me and didn't feel ready for a mortgage as he had some debts and wanted to go freelance. I had wanted to buy even before we met and had been looking after my finances in order to get a mortgage, just before my father got ill my mum was going to lend me the deposit. Then Dad got sick and everything went on hold when he knew he was going to be around much longer and what he would be leaving me he said it made him happy I would have proper home (he hated me living in shared housing couldn't understand it being a norther) I went a bit hell for leather to buy somewhere because I knew it was what he wanted.

The benefit for us as a couple was cheaper housing than renting and it gave him money to clear his debts and make it less stressful whilst establishing his freelance career. Ironically our relationship has broken down partly because he's doing so well he's never home.

SailorSam wrote: »

Don't even think about giving him a share of your flat, Ok he may have paid towards it by way of rent but he lived there. You took the risk of buying and the costs, it's yours.

I wouldn't give him a share of the flat and I don't think he would do that to me, part of the break up is caused by him not wanting to hurt me in the long run

Breaking up is the logical and practical thing to do we still love each other but he loves his work above all else and I would never ask him to choose between me and his work as he would never be happy doing something else, I would never be compleatly happy being on my own most of the time and raising a family alone.

It's going to really hard as we work in the same industry our paths will keep crossing, we need to keep things civil and hopefully we can remain friends.

I'm sorry I never meant to come on here and pour my heart out, I am trying to remain practical.

Kynthia

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I wouldn't give him a share of the flat and I don't think he would do that to me,

The property is in your name and you weren't married. Therefore he would have to sue you for a share of it and would have to prove he had a beneficial interest in the property. It sounds like he's unlikely to do this, it would be difficult for him to prove this when he chose not to buy it jointly especially when that decision wasn't long ago, and it would be easy for you to argue against if only you paid for any 'capital' improvements (things that should increase the value like electrical work, new boiler, windows, etc). Another very important point is you would only have to split the equity (current value less outstanding mortgage) not return any 'rent' contributions he made. After only 18 months you are unlikely to have any or hardly any equity as virtually all of your mortgage payments this early on are interest rather than capital repayments and I wouldn't imagine the price had gone up much in that time, plus you'd be allowed to deduct half the buying and reasonable selling costs (I think).

Be kind to yourself as this will be upsetting for months to come, but you will get through it. Distract yourself, join the gym or throw yourself into a project, pour your heart out to friends and don't spend too much time alone.

Soundgirlrocks

Kynthia wrote: »

After only 18 months you are unlikely to have any or hardly any equity as virtually all of your mortgage payments this early on are interest rather than capital repayments and I wouldn't imagine the price had gone up much in that time, plus you'd be allowed to deduct half the buying and reasonable selling costs (I think).

The flat has increased quite a bit if the recent mortgage is to be believed (I took an additional loan which I pay, for the kitchen) £30k they reckon I don't think it will be as much as that but it is in SE London and prices are mad.

Kynthia wrote: »

Be kind to yourself as this will be upsetting for months to come, but you will get through it. Distract yourself, join the gym or throw yourself into a project, pour your heart out to friends and don't spend too much time alone.

Thank you, I'm so scared right now I'm 31 next month and I feel so alone. I am that stage where I want to be starting a family and instead I'm facing the London dating scene with hobbies that make me sound like a middle aged woman (cake decorating, gardening and walking my dog) and I need to lose weight to top it off!

SailorSam

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I'm sorry I never meant to come on here and pour my heart out, I am trying to remain practical.

Don't say that. This is why the forum is here. Sometimes a shoulder yo cry on; sometimes to ask some advice; sometimes to share a joke; sometimes just somewhere to chat.
Today it's you asking for a bit of advice and for a second opinion, tomorrow it will be someone else and you'll be the one helping them.

Soundgirlrocks

SailorSam wrote: »

Don't say that. This is why the forum is here. Sometimes a shoulder yo cry on; sometimes to ask some advice; sometimes to share a joke; sometimes just somewhere to chat.
Today it's you asking for a bit of advice and for a second opinion, tomorrow it will be someone else and you'll be the one helping them.

Thank you. It means a lot I don't have huge group of friends outside of the industry I work in and I can't talk to the guys at work as they are friends to both of us and although I know they care and are almost as shocked as me I don't want them to feel in the middle.

Right I'm off to a cake workshop, hopefully oriental string work will stop my hands from shaking, and focus my mind for a few hours.

Kynthia

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

The flat has increased quite a bit if the recent mortgage is to be believed (I took an additional loan which I pay, for the kitchen) £30k they reckon I don't think it will be as much as that but it is in SE London and prices are mad.

Yes but you would still deduct the cost of the kitchen as well as all the other points I made. Well done you, clearly you made some good decisions, such as property, price, area, etc, in order to increase value in 18 months.

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Thank you, I'm so scared right now I'm 31 next month and I feel so alone. I am that stage where I want to be starting a family and instead I'm facing the London dating scene with hobbies that make me sound like a middle aged woman (cake decorating, gardening and walking my dog) and I need to lose weight to top it off!

Those hobbies sound fun and show a trait for patience which I don't have. You may now have time to connect more with your friends and maybe find a new hobbie too. Joining a gym has the advantage of giving you somewhere to go when you have no plans and are beginning to think too much, plus you get fit! I enjoyed going to salsa classes with friends and in London you have the choice of activities. 31 isn't bad, it's not like you're 38, so you have time. Just focus on yourself for now and get yourself a support network.

SailorSam

Kynthia wrote: »

31 isn't bad, it's not like you're 38, so you have time.

Why is 38 to old and past it ?
There's no hope for me then, i'm well past my 'use by date' i might as well just dig a big hole in the back garden and climb in. Good bye folks it was nice while it lasted.