Marriage problems - help!

Mojisola

Pops50 wrote: »

Eldest 16 has ADHD and has always had behavioural issues.

When he was just over 16 it was decided that he could no longer live with us as his behaviour was having such an impact on the rest of the family (not an easy decision for me) although hb had wanted this for a long time.

I visited the other day and he came home with us for a short while, when hb found out he was in the house he was very angry,

I can' t understand why he still has this grudge against son. I feel like leaving as I don't want to be with someone who is that harsh and unforgiving, but I have 3 younger kids to think about, please help

Pops50 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, you are of course all correct in what you advise - hb won't see any counsellor as he would say it's not him that's the problem, it's the son who has abused and stole from every member of the family when he lived here.

I do admit that I too feel extremely guilty over the path we have taken, even though I know there really was no other choice, son refuses help, and still does and will not listen to any advice and just kicks off at the slightest thing, something that couldn't be suffered any longer at home.

Read what you've put as if it was written by a stranger.

Do you really think the father in the family "has a grudge" against his son or is he trying to maintain a stable, safe home for the other children to grow up in?

If the mother feels "extremely guilty" and that feeling causes her to bring an abusive thief into the family home where the younger children live, don't you think that the father is right to be angry?

I would start with some counselling for yourself to put the guilt into proportion. Why are you more concerned about this one child (who you can meet up with away from home) than the feelings and safety of your other children?

Have you had any therapy as a family? It will be very unusual if your younger children have come away unscathed from the years that their brother was in their lives.