Old friends, don't enjoy seeing them any more

hazyjo

I have three friends I usually see together - we knew each other from school back in the '80s! I like seeing them individually, but have realised I don't always enjoy some of the conversation when we're out. They're all mums; I'm not. They pretty much constantly talk about their kids, about other mums, other kids, schools, clubs, etc... and, yes, it is boring! I can obviously contribute the odd thing, but it doesn't interest me in the slightest. I like to know what/how their kids are doing, but that's about it.

We do talk about other things (or I probably would start making my excuses!), and I don't mind a conversation along the lines of kids when I'm with one of them, but when they're all at it... jeez.

Weird cos all the friends I've 'made along the way' are more like me. Seeing 5 of them on Fri night and only one has a child, and she had him at around 43.

I don't want to break ties with my ex-school friends though, but have noticed they do far more together, and go to each child's birthday party, etc whereas I don't. I think we've naturally drifted into a different sort of friendship now, but I'd hate to not see them. As boring as it can be, they are still close friends, even if most of the conversation isn't stuff I'm interested in.

Jx

DKLS

My friendships with people who have had kids have pretty much faded away over the years.

I saw my best mate from school this year whilst attending a conference in his local city after not being in touch for a couple of years.

I quickly realised we simply had nothing in common any more when I realised he had gone all mumsnet mental and any trace of my mate had vanished leaving a shell that looks like my mate albeit a more tired and stressed version.

All I wanted to do was have steak n chips, a few beers and put the world to rights, what a waste I could have had a night out with the sales team.

BlondeHeadOn

hazyjo wrote: »

I have three friends I usually see together - we knew each other from school back in the '80s! I like seeing them individually, but have realised I don't always enjoy some of the conversation when we're out. They're all mums; I'm not. They pretty much constantly talk about their kids, about other mums, other kids, schools, clubs, etc... and, yes, it is boring! I can obviously contribute the odd thing, but it doesn't interest me in the slightest. I like to know what/how their kids are doing, but that's about it.

We do talk about other things (or I probably would start making my excuses!), and I don't mind a conversation along the lines of kids when I'm with one of them, but when they're all at it... jeez.

Weird cos all the friends I've 'made along the way' are more like me. Seeing 5 of them on Fri night and only one has a child, and she had him at around 43.

I don't want to break ties with my ex-school friends though, but have noticed they do far more together, and go to each child's birthday party, etc whereas I don't. I think we've naturally drifted into a different sort of friendship now, but I'd hate to not see them. As boring as it can be, they are still close friends, even if most of the conversation isn't stuff I'm interested in.

Jx

^^^ This made a lot of sense to me, thank you.

BlondeHeadOn

duchy wrote: »

A lot of my friends have recently become grandparents.......whilst I'm very happy for them .... just as I was for friends who had their babies years before I did...........it does change things -as you have differant priorities.

It's one of those "For everything there is a season" scenarios sometimes. Some friends you stay bonded with even if your lives are on differing paths....others just drift away. Just the way life is.

This also struck a chord ^^^^

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this soemtimes.

BlondeHeadOn

Dunroamin wrote: »

If you only see them occasionally, is it a problem if you're a bit bored with them?

No, I guess not.

But I feel bad for feeling like that, after all they probably find me rather boring at times (no kids, no grand-kids (obviously!), still working so can't spend all day shopping or going on holiday to exotic places, that kind of thing.

Lord do some people go on about grandchildren and house extensions though....



Thank you all for your replies, lots of food for thought - and no-one seems to think I am horrible for beginning to question these friendships.

JimmyTheWig

Dunroamin wrote: »

If you only see them occasionally, is it a problem if you're a bit bored with them?

This is what I was thinking.
As long as you can spare the time and money (etc) to go then why not go and see what they're all up to.

candygirl

I hate meeting a certain group of ex colleagues (teachers) cos they just blab on and on about the place we all used to work at:It's not too bad when I see them individually, but at the moment I am very choosy about who I want to spend my time with;)
It seems natural to me that we all move on in life, so don't feel bad on yourself OP:D

dandelionclock30

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

This is what I was thinking.
As long as you can spare the time and money (etc) to go then why not go and see what they're all up to.

Because OP has clearly said she is bored in their company,obviously this isnt very nice. Why spend time and money to be bored stupid when you can be doing other things that are more interesting and rewarding?

You would think people would have the self awareness to understand that people who are'nt family are not interested in their Grandchildren or children beyond basic polite 1 minute exchanges regarding how the child is doing.

BlondeHeadOn

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Because OP has clearly said she is bored in their company,obviously this isnt very nice. Why spend time and money to be bored stupid when you can be doing other things that are more interesting and rewarding?

You would think people would have the self awareness to understand that people who are'nt family are not interested in their Grandchildren or children beyond basic polite 1 minute exchanges regarding how the child is doing.

I find it most irritating when a group of women start a kind of 'grandchildren poker', each trying to outdo the others with stories of how brilliant/beautiful/clever/cute their respective grandchild(ren) is(are) .....



It can get very competitive at times, which I think is just daft! Or is this just me....

duchy

BlondeHeadOn wrote: »

I find it most irritating when a group of women start a kind of 'grandchildren poker', each trying to outdo the others with stories of how brilliant/beautiful/clever/cute their respective grandchild(ren) is(are) .....



It can get very competitive at times, which I think is just daft! Or is this just me....

Mums do it too ........but usually grow out of it after a few years...I suspect grandparents do too It's a new and wonderful thing....we all think our own little darling or grand-darling is the prettiest , cleverest etc etc but after while we learn not everyone agrees or wants to hear it 24/7 and calm down a bit (even though we know we're right )