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clearingout

justontime wrote: »

Yes there are some irresponsible parents but I think the majority of parents love their children and try to do their best for them. I don't make any excuses for the irresponsible ones but responsibility is not just about money. I think it is sad that so many parents let their unhappiness with each other get in the way of making the right choices for their children. Children (whatever their age) should be free to enjoy the love and support of both parents and their wider family, it is easy to say but it takes determination and maturity from BOTH parents to make that work.

Responsibility and quality parenting is about far more than money, of course. But children' aren't fed, clothed, or kept amused and educated without money. You cannot call yourself a
responsibledoingthingsinthechildren'sbestinterests parent if you are not prepared to support your child financially. Of course there are situations where that becomes difficult or even impossible (illness, redundancy, disability) but the suggestion that it's OK not to support your child financially because you are prepared to spend time with them just doesn't cut it.

It is common place on this forum, for example, to suggest that single parents should be working not sitting at home claiming benefits expecting the ex to make a contribution when they don't. We don't accept the 'but I want to be there for my child' argument in that case. So why do we accept that an NRP who wants to spend time with their child without accepting their financial responsibility should be allowed to consider themselves a 'good enough' parent or indeed, suggest a PWC trying to juggle their financial balls should reach the end of their tether and deny contact isn't good enough?

Good, responsible parenting is about accepting your child has a wide range of needs which you should, in all but the most extreme of situations, be putting first. We should, as a society, never accept that where parents are separated, one parent shouldn't have to fulfill all their obligations towards their children just because the other does.

FBaby

Yes there are some irresponsible parents but I think the majority of parents love their children and try to do their best for them

Oh, my ex definitely loves our children, and he would claim he tries to do his best for them.... but that involves doing what suits him rather than what suits them. It also means that if he can avoid taking on the responsibilities that I fulfill, then he is happy not to bother...

No, it's not all about the money, but does it make it right to consider like my ex does that because I earn good money and I am now married to a man who also earns good money, that his financial responsibility towards our children should end because he has new children to support?

My ex takes and has always taken all the good part of being a parent. The love, the fun, the affection, the excitement, but he is all too happy to leave the not so fun...so wouldn't have them overnight until they could look after themselves when they woke up because he didn't like having to be up at 6am entertaining them. He likes to spoil them rotten at Christmas with all the things they are desperate for, but can't be bothered to contribute a penny towards their every day need. He likes to read their school report stating what fab kids they are, but has never spend a day getting them to do their homework etc....

justontime

Clearingout, I did not suggest that a parent shouldn't pay to support their child, of course they should. I was simply trying to point out that parenting is about far more than money. Both parents should be actively involved in the lives of their children and if they can't put aside their differences to make that happen everyone will lose out - especially the children.

jacques_chirac

atwitsends wrote: »

completly agree! why is it all mothers want everything off the father, every little penny, even when they have plenty of money from the next one they're draining...maybe your not all the same but I haven't seen much in terms of the fathers not getting bomarded by the ex when they get a new gf/wife...always the same! fine until they lose control of the father and he continues his life! Bitter cows!

Maybe your different, just my opinion, not fact.

Rehashing old threads just to vent at women? Someone has issues!