Lottery winnings

medsec_222

Taking this question down to a very personal level, my grandchildren are now 13 and 9. If my son had a windfall or a lottery win, his first thought would be the boys and how they could benefit. He probably would think about a holiday as he has been unable to afford to take his boys on holiday. As regards his ex., he would consider that it is none of her business whatsoever and he wouldn't dream of discussing the matter with her.

FBaby

If the PWC won a windfall (substantial amount) this wouldn't mean that the NRP is no longer required to contribute even if the NRP was unemployed

And why not? Would his responsibility towards his children stop because his ex wife can support the children without him? I see it as saying that the pwc should pay nothing at all towards her children if the nrp wins the lottery and can support the children alone.

I'm sure also for some there is no way the PWC would be sharing the good fortune with a previous partner (not all just many) .

This is where you are showing your true colour. Maintenance (minimum or not) is not paying the pwc, it is contributing towards the children. This is what the problem is for most case, that the nrp can't get it out of their mind that maintenance is about the children, not about their ex enjoying that money on herself.

If I won the lottery, as a pwc, would I give some to my ex? No, why would I? Would I however spend some of it on my children...well I will probably spend most of it on my children because that's what I spend more of my extra money on. How would I feel giving some to children to enjoy when they are with ex? Fine if my children benefited directly.

FBaby

In the case of the OP her previous partner is already meeting his obligations.

Then that must make him a wonderful father....just' meeting his obligations' when he has a chance to do more than that....

My parents were divorced from the age of two. I can imagine my father winning the lottery, taking my step-mum on extra holidays, and then telling me that he won't take me anywhere or do anything for me with that money because he is already 'meeting his obligations towards me'... I think I would have told him that I too was meeting my obligations as a child not to insult him, but that it wouldn't extend to seeing him regularly, because it wasn't my obligations....

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

And why not? Would his responsibility towards his children stop because his ex wife can support the children without him? I see it as saying that the pwc should pay nothing at all towards her children if the nrp wins the lottery and can support the children alone.

You may have misread what I typed I put that his responsibility would NOT stop.

This is where you are showing your true colour. Maintenance (minimum or not) is not paying the pwc, it is contributing towards the children. This is what the problem is for most case, that the nrp can't get it out of their mind that maintenance is about the children, not about their ex enjoying that money on herself.

If I won the lottery, as a pwc, would I give some to my ex? No, why would I? Would I however spend some of it on my children...well I will probably spend most of it on my children because that's what I spend more of my extra money on. How would I feel giving some to children to enjoy when they are with ex? Fine if my children benefited directly.

You may have misread what I typed I put that his responsibility would NOT stop.
As for my true colour? I think we know many can dodge the payments if they so wish, every case is different, for me contributing csa was a bonus for me, saved me a packet which I could spend on myself (after all I earned it nobody else).

In my episode if the Mother or child won, fair play to them, I would still contribute without complaint.

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

Then that must make him a wonderful father....just' meeting his obligations' when he has a chance to do more than that....

My parents were divorced from the age of two. I can imagine my father winning the lottery, taking my step-mum on extra holidays, and then telling me that he won't take me anywhere or do anything for me with that money because he is already 'meeting his obligations towards me'... I think I would have told him that I too was meeting my obligations as a child not to insult him, but that it wouldn't extend to seeing him regularly, because it wasn't my obligations....

You have to remember not everybody wishes to be judged on their parenting abilities, and even if they did, they should also be judged on an ability to pick a life long partner. (As the sayings go, don't judge somebody unless you yourself are prepared to be judged or until you are living their life from their perspective)

Also the difference in your case is that I suspect, you acknowledge you have a bio father and that he wasn't just your father when you wanted something financial, beyond that you are not seen for dust.

It's all good and well the chase, but after a time it gets boring or pointless or the prize was just not worth the effort.

FBaby

You may have misread what I typed I put that his responsibility would NOT stop

Misread indeed, my apologies.

Also the difference in your case is that I suspect, you acknowledge you have a bio father and that he wasn't just your father when you wanted something financial, beyond that you are not seen for dust

But we don't that is the case with OP's daughter. She said that her daughter had not stayed at her father since Feb but did before. She is 15.... so clearly they must have had some sort of close relationship until then. Do you stop wanting to look after your children because you have an argument with your teenager? OP mentions about him putting money aside for his daughter out of the winnings. It doesn't seem that unreasonable to expect that a father who had regular contact with his daughter would consider doing so when he has a sudden big win. Also, we don't know if the sudden stopping of overnight say has anything to do with the new partner...

justontime

Speaking from experience, it is fairly common for contact arrangements to change when children reach their teens. They become more independent and they want see their friends and do different things at the weekends. It does not necessarily indicate a rift with the NRP and it certainly doesn't suggest that the change in contact is due to new partner.

Speaking as a step parent, I have cared for, encouraged, supported and been a friend to my step children, I think the world of them and I wouldn't think much of my husband if he shirked his responsibilities to his children. We have always tried to do what was best for the children, that has involved adjusting contact arrangements to suit their needs, having them live with us full time when it was the best option for them and (with a very heavy heart) letting them to return to their mother when she wanted them to live with her. A court battle would certainly not have been in the best interests of the children.

There have been some very tough times but you just have to keep on doing what you know to be right. Far too many people are quick to judge and to make assumptions. Both parents have to rebuild their lives after separation and in time that may mean a new partner, but that does not mean that either parent will stop loving or caring for their children. When my husband and I decided to marry he made it very clear that his children would always come first and I felt exactly the same way about my children. I think most parents would feel the same way.

Having said all that, if my husband got a sudden windfall he would not take kindly to being told how he should spend it. He would make his own decisions, but I am fairly sure that a significant chunk of it would be put aside for the children.

FBaby

I think most parents would feel the same way.

You should have added most 'responsible' parents would feel the same. Unfortunately, there are many irresponsible parents around.

justontime

FBaby wrote: »

You should have added most 'responsible' parents would feel the same. Unfortunately, there are many irresponsible parents around.

Yes there are some irresponsible parents but I think the majority of parents love their children and try to do their best for them. I don't make any excuses for the irresponsible ones but responsibility is not just about money. I think it is sad that so many parents let their unhappiness with each other get in the way of making the right choices for their children. Children (whatever their age) should be free to enjoy the love and support of both parents and their wider family, it is easy to say but it takes determination and maturity from BOTH parents to make that work.

DUTR

justontime wrote: »

Yes there are some irresponsible parents but I think the majority of parents love their children and try to do their best for them. I don't make any excuses for the irresponsible ones but responsibility is not just about money. I think it is sad that so many parents let their unhappiness with each other get in the way of making the right choices for their children. Children (whatever their age) should be free to enjoy the love and support of both parents and their wider family, it is easy to say but it takes determination and maturity from BOTH parents to make that work.

Indeed, and the very true point about the money thing.