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Dilemma over sons mobile?

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  • cheepskate_2
    cheepskate_2 Posts: 1,669 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Oh, Be thankful that he isn't on it all the time.

    I was like you with my son, he would never take it to school, it was always out of charge etc and I moaned like anything.

    OMG...now i moan that he is on it too much, as he now talks to a few girls , that never seem to eat or sleep judging by the pings from the phone.

    Pick your battles with care
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,668 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    cheepskate - How old is your son now and how old was in when not interested in a phone? I have wondered if the same thing will happen with my son.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,374 Forumite
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    I bet that's what it is then, he's embarrassed because he hasn't got the latest gadget.

    I think this is the issue behind all your problems. My 10 yo got a very cheap mobile last year as he started to take the bus from school. At first he was excited, and then he started to 'forget' to take it which made me cross as I wanted to be sure he could contact us if there was any problems and for me to contact him if he wasn't home on time. He made excuses until he finally admitted he was embarrassed by the phone. I was really surprised as my son is not at all into that kind of things and normally doesn't care what other think. Still, it would seem the pressure with mobile is quite fierce, with quite a few in his school coming with latest i-phones. Incredible!

    I'm glad he told me though as we could then talk about it rather than me getting cross with him. I explained to him that the phone was purely for his own security, not to play or impress his friends. I told him that he is a confident child and shouldn't be afraid to make this clear to his friends if they said something, that he can tell them that he might not have the latest gadget, but that instead we are lucky as a family to enjoy nice holidays and it is all about individual family choices. Since then, he is better about it. He doesn't hand it to his teacher any longer (as asked to do), but keeps it off in his bag and turn it on as he waits for the bus.

    I think you might want to have a pleasant discussion with you boy about it rather than getting cross as although you are right about how your feel, if he is embarrassed, nothing you will tell him about being responsible with his phone will do any good.
  • ValHaller
    ValHaller Posts: 5,212 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    We need to get over the false sense of security of thinking that carrying a mobile phone will keep children safer... it won't.
    I agree. A mobile only allows them to tell you what dreadful thing has befallen them provided
    • They have not been mugged for the mobile
    • They are not dead
    Sorry to paint this in grim terms, but I do think it needs to be seen as false security.
    You might as well ask the Wizard of Oz to give you a big number as pay a Credit Referencing Agency for a so-called 'credit-score'
  • I think some boys just are not into hand phones.. I've met a few teenage boys like that. Even if their parents gave him the latest hand phone, he would just leave it at home etc2..
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    Melonade wrote: »

    Just had a word with him again and explained how important it is for him to be able to contact me if he needs to, especially with what happened in the past. He agreed and told me he'll use the phone from now on. He knows I'm not pushy or insisting I know where he is every second, but knows that every now and again I need to let him know I'm not home or will be late.

    Unfortunately there's nothing I can or am willing to do to get him a newer phone. The best I can do is give him mine when I get a newer one but he'll only be going from a 3G to a 3GS :o

    Just have to see how it goes, luckily I didn't get round to cancelling the contract. Balls in his court for now :)



    See at fourteen I expected to know where my son was ...........Not that he needed to text me his every move but if plans changed I expected to be informed.....and if I wasn't there were consequences. At any given time I knew where he was and who he was with (or at least thought I did :) )

    Common courtesy -he's not an adult and is your legal responsibility -if he doesn't like it- then there should be consequences ....be it removal of internet, grounding or whatever.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • tyllwyd
    tyllwyd Posts: 5,496 Forumite
    edited 10 October 2013 at 10:15AM
    FBaby wrote: »
    ... He made excuses until he finally admitted he was embarrassed by the phone. I was really surprised as my son is not at all into that kind of things and normally doesn't care what other think. Still, it would seem the pressure with mobile is quite fierce, with quite a few in his school coming with latest i-phones. Incredible! ...

    We had a similar thing with my DD not wanting to be seen with her phone (to be fair, it wasn't much of a phone so I had sympathy with her but her dad had a real bee in his bonnet about it all).

    In the end, we've bought her an Android phone which is more expensive than I would have chosen, but a lot less expensive than an iphone would have been, and she seems happy with that. Phones and teenagers is a real nightmare for peer pressure.

    ... Oh, and I do like her to have a phone on her so I can contact her if I'm running late to pick her up from school, or organise where I'm going to pick her up from town. I know we all coped without phones in the past, but it makes life easier for all of us if we can contact each other.
  • Melonade
    Melonade Posts: 747 Forumite
    Thanks everyone :)

    He left for school this morning with a fully charged phone. I made sure it was switched off so he doesn't forget to do it by the time he walks through the gate.

    I understand about the phone being old and his mates having newer ones but there's not much I can do about that. We aren't exactly skint but certainly not loaded either. Even if we did have the money I wouldn't be getting into the expense of a new phone. Unfortunately some of his friends parents can afford to and the rest seem to do it because they don't want their child to miss out/be looked down on.

    He can be a bit unsure about walking home from friends on his own. Mainly because he has to pass through the area he was assaulted which is close to the lads house that done it. He did point out to me last night that he does usually have the phone when he goes out of a night and I did have to agree with him and apologise too :o I know having the phone isn't going to make him any safer when he's out but we agreed that we both feel better with him having it.

    Anyway we are both happier now we've talked it through :T

    Thanks again for the replies.
    Even if you stumble, you're still moving forward.
  • The phone "embarassment" ... Oldest son, (20) has the cheapest mobile, which double's up as a music player, on a PAYG tarif, lives at university, and takes the mickey out of all his mates with smart phones. He took the mickey out of me, when I got my phone out to check my account balance before I ordered food in a restaurant.
    I admire his "I don't care what anyone else thinks" attitude. He is amused by anyone who lives their life by brands and image.
    His sister (17) has a android smart phone on a contract....she persuaded us, to take out a 2 year contract based on a cost vs benefit and factored it in as a joint Christmas and Birthday Present, and she makes good use of it, to run her life. She also has a 'don't care what you think" attitude, and points out that functionality is more important than image, and laughs at people who buy anything by apple.
    Interestingly, both my wife and I have the same phone as my daughter, as having seen the functionality, I decided that it would be great for tethering my lap top to when I need to work somewhere where there is no wifi.....but more than that, my daughter and I, thought my wife would struggle with the technology, and our knowledge of the same phone would help her better.
    The kids were not allowed to take phones to school, and my wife enforced this rigidly. If there is an emergency, then there is a phone at school in the secretarial office, if you are going to a friend's house, they will let you use the land line to tell us.
  • The phone "embarassment" ... Oldest son, (20) has the cheapest mobile, which double's up as a music player, on a PAYG tarif, lives at university, and takes the mickey out of all his mates with smart phones. He took the mickey out of me, when I got my phone out to check my account balance before I ordered food in a restaurant.
    I admire his "I don't care what anyone else thinks" attitude. He is amused by anyone who lives their life by brands and image.
    His sister (17) has a android smart phone on a contract....she persuaded us, to take out a 2 year contract based on a cost vs benefit and factored it in as a joint Christmas and Birthday Present, and she makes good use of it, to run her life. She also has a 'don't care what you think" attitude, and points out that functionality is more important than image, and laughs at people who buy anything by apple.
    Interestingly, both my wife and I have the same phone as my daughter, as having seen the functionality, I decided that it would be great for tethering my lap top to when I need to work somewhere where there is no wifi.....but more than that, my daughter and I, thought my wife would struggle with the technology, and our knowledge of the same phone would help her better.
    The kids were not allowed to take phones to school, and my wife enforced this rigidly. If there is an emergency, then there is a phone at school in the secretarial office, if you are going to a friend's house, they will let you use the land line to tell us.


    So, your DD is unaffected by brands and image - other than the fact that she laughs at somebody who chooses a different brand to her?


    And your son pays close attention to the brand and specs of his friends' phones, just so he can mock them?




    You've got mini hipsters there. They'll probably be corporate clones by their thirties. If not earlier.

    :)
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
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