Christmas gifts for other half

paulineb_2

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Well if people have an issue with their other half wanting to spoil them by buying them nice things because it makes them feel like a cheap wh*re then why would they be in a relationship? It all seems a bit pointless. If their partner praised and complimented them lots would they feel they were being lied to and manipulated?

My OH puts time and thought into getting me gifts he knows I'll appreciate - I look after him and the boys, keep a nice home and am the major earner, I don't see it as being bought, I think I'm worth the effort!

Everyones circumstances are different. If someone spent £500 quid on me and I spent £50 quid on them, I wouldnt be embarassed but Id be wondering why they felt they wanted to spend that amount of cash on me.

Particularly if they didnt have a lot of spare cash (and Im not sure of the OP's financial circumstances.

For me its the thought that counts. Ive had presents that cost a quid and a present that cost £200 and that was bought by someone (a relative) who I had helped financially throughout the years in various ways when I had money and they were at uni, I was still gobsmacked that they had spent that amount of cash on me and it was something very useful to me (ipod), but if that gift had cost £25 Id still have appreciated it.

I dont have an OH and in times gone by exes have ranged from the skint student, to the terrible with money, to the I cant be !!!!!!! bothered buying you a present. So if someone is thoughtful enough to buy me a gift, even the fact that theyve bothered (as some people couldnt be bothered), is the biggest thing for me.

Lunar_Eclipse

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

but come on, who doesn't like to get spoilt with some lovely gifts from their OH?

I'd probably quite like being spoilt, but not with physical gifts, so I'm another that would be uncomfortable by your example, possibly with the exception of him buying one item that happened to cost £500 but shouldn't be that much (like the Bang & Olufsen speaker I rather fancy.)

However, if my husband whisked me out for a coffee, day out, meal or holiday I would be thrilled.

Gone are the days when I can be wooed with gifts in the way I used to be 20 plus years ago, when we started dating.

Dunroamin

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Well if people have an issue with their other half wanting to spoil them by buying them nice things because it makes them feel like a cheap wh*re then why would they be in a relationship? It all seems a bit pointless. If their partner praised and complimented them lots would they feel they were being lied to and manipulated?

My OH puts time and thought into getting me gifts he knows I'll appreciate - I look after him and the boys, keep a nice home and am the major earner, I don't see it as being bought, I think I'm worth the effort!

That's a very nasty interpretation of what I said!

DigForVictory

There's a thread on Christmas Family traditions active - OK it has a certain focus on the children, but it's an easy lead into "how do you usually spend Christmas Eve/Day - what's important to you?" which might bump-start the needed conversation?

Or send a NUPP email & prepare to defuse the row?

As my third suggestion (empty her handbag & examine the contents carefully) even I reckoned was a bit blinking stalkerish.

Birdie85

You hardly know her after 6 months together?! What do you talk about? Do you even talk?!

For my first Christmas with my DH we'd only been together a couple of months but we felt comfortable enough to set a budget and we felt we knew each other well enough to buy some nice gifts for each other without a major stress.

If she wears jewellery, take notice of the kind of things she wears and buy something that will suit her. If she mentions she needs anything new in the lead-up to Christmas, make a note of it and buy it for her. Same with books, movies and music. Just become a little more observant and you'll find yourself inundated with ideas.

Failing that, book a weekend away and give her that as her present.

duchy

Dunroamin wrote: »

That's a very nasty interpretation of what I said!

So was implying that buying some a generous gift was "buying them"

Last Christmas my OH spent a lot more on me than I did on him as he had more money ....however we had already had "the discussion" and he knew roughly what I had available for presents. Did I feel "bought" no...I felt spoilt and appreciated ....he'll quite often surprise me with a gift for no reason other than he wants to...it is a part of who he is. He basically doesn't care about money -if he has it spare he'll buy treats ...whether they are for him or me or both of us...if he hasn't he doesn't.

As for the OP -you've obviously already discussed Christmas as you know what the arrangements are ......... and are planning to spend part of the day together -so a console as a "us" gift plus cute bits doesn't sound inappropriate but you could talk about what you are both buying others for Christmas and bring it around to what Christmas gifts you got in past years .... and even then just ask her if there's anything she'd especially like for Christmas. Just talk about Christmas in general and learn a bit more about if Christmas is a big deal to her or not and learn about her expectations.

hazyjo

Why don't you suggest going away for a weekend somewhere nice instead of presents? Might be difficult saying 'give me half the dosh', but you could say one buys the hotel deal and one does the spending. Groupon and the like do some great weekend deals.

Or say you're taking her out for dinner instead of presents - if she/you both like that sort of thing.

Alternatively, go round a market, shops or wherever with her, check out the jewellery, nicknacks, etc - and if she falls in love with something, just say I'll get that but I'll be wrapping it up for your Christmas present so you can't have it 'til Christmas Day!

Also surprised to hear you say after six months that you barely know her...

Jx

fake_smile

daisiegg wrote: »

You call her your 'other half'...but say you 'barely know her'?

I don't get it!

I know what music she likes and her favourite foods, I know what she's thinking most of the time, we finish each others sentences and other cheesy stuff like that. But she doesn't talk about things she wants. All the stuff she likes she already has!

I know she's obsessed with camping, loves trips away ... maybe I should pay for a trip away.

hazyjo

fake_smile wrote: »

I know she's obsessed with camping, loves trips away ... maybe I should pay for a trip away.

A cheap trip (loads of deals) away would be nice.

What part of the country are you in? Can you get somewhere by car, or only public transport?

Jx

hazyjo

PS just saw Edingburgh I]sic[/I on your profile thingy, so presume that's right. Won't recommend one in Kent I went to then!

Jx