Do I need a cohabitation agreement?

attila_

Wow, this is a sobering thread. I didn't even know such things exist.

burnoutbabe

Soleil_lune wrote: »

I agree. And I must admit, I view certain attitudes from some with much dismay. It seems like anyone who owns a home and is in a relationship with someone, wants to do their damndest to make sure their other half doesn't get a PENNY if they split up. Having a relationship like this is so depressing... Makes me wonder why they're together when they have their eye on the exit door.

Why bother living together? Just stay living apart. To me, it sounds like they regard their life partner as the lodger!

Yes, what the heck, one saves for 20 years and gets a property of ones own.

But some little cutey comes along and why shouldn't they get to share your property and hard work and in fact, lets give them half if it doesn't work out. Its so rare for relationships not to last isn't it?

If you want to share everything, one gets married, and makes a legal commitment. The act of living together does not mean its your life partner, just that you live together.

(and I don't see how the person NOT paying anything towards the mortgage is worse off, they will have much more money every month to save and will, at worse, have a large cash sum to use towards a new property, deposit on a new rental etc).

Mojisola

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

It did I think before I owned the cooker, the TV, the phone, the laptop, his PS3, most of the crockery, all the bedding, the towels, the toaster, the microwave, the DVD player... yes he would get to keep the house but there wouldn't be much left in it!!

I hope you've got good records off-site of all the receipts and any other payments for the goods and some money set aside to pay for legal costs.

As the owner of the house, he could shut you out of the house at any time and you would have no right of entry to reclaim your possessions.

ali-t

I am totally in favour of co-habitation agreements and have one myself. I own my house with a mortgage and put a sizeable deposit down on it so want to protect this.

My partner moved in with me pretty much within 4 months of us meeting but kept on his rented flat for another 8 months after that incase things didn't work out.

I wanted to protect everything I have worked for while he has had different priorities over the years (he has a child and I don't).

Getting the agreement in place took a 10 minute meeting with a solicitor and I prepared basic info before I went about what I wanted in it. It cost nearly £500 but that is nothing compared to the possible £150K I would have to spend to buy him out of my house if he had rights over it.

I think it is sensible to not go in with rose tinted specs being blinded by romance. To some extent I think it is different if you meet your partner at school/late teens and you both go into the relationship on an even keel but when you are in your 30's/40's and onwards there has often been very different life paths and financial outcomes so it makes sense to protect what you have worked hard for. If myself and my partner ever get married the co-habitation agreement will be turned into a pre-nup.

Given that this is about money saving I would say that a cohabitation agreement is the ultimate in invest to save - you go girl!

Mrs_Ryan

Mojisola wrote: »

I hope you've got good records off-site of all the receipts and any other payments for the goods and some money set aside to pay for legal costs.

As the owner of the house, he could shut you out of the house at any time and you would have no right of entry to reclaim your possessions.

My Mum has them as she paid for the big things (cooker,TV, DVD player, laptop) but she's registered them in my name. He's well aware that these things are mine and hes said he would never stop me having access to my things. He has mental health issues and basically relies on me to do everything for him anyway, the few times we've had really massive arguments was because he was having a relapse and I've had to call the crisis team in. If we did break up it would be likely on an amicable basis anyway as he has no other means of support(he's estranged from most of his family due to his illness) and like I say he relies on me. Our situation is probably a bit different to others and I'm not saying it to invite criticism but that's the way we have to do it.

And I've always said if we split I don't want anything from him anyway apart from the return of what is rightfully mine which he is quite firm would always happen no matter what. If we broke up, I'd go back home to my parents, I wouldn't attempt to rent down here for the simple reason I couldn't afford to. Yes I might be living rent free but that's a blessing given the fact I've been on pretty much permanent sick leave for about 2 years out of the last three...

SavingPennies_2

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

It did I think before I owned the cooker, the TV, the phone, the laptop, his PS3, most of the crockery, all the bedding, the towels, the toaster, the microwave, the DVD player... yes he would get to keep the house but there wouldn't be much left in it!!

I recommend whatever you would be paying towards the mortgage and bills you keep in a savings pot , just in case the worst happens, you will find all the things above will be worth (resale value) £1000 at the most, the resale value of his house is likely to be a lot more (assuming no negative equity). Of course he wants to protect his assets, you need to protect yourself too, just in case.

Edit - not criticising please don't be offended. The same advice goes to the OP.

Mojisola

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

He's well aware that these things are mine and hes said he would never stop me having access to my things.

And I've always said if we split I don't want anything from him anyway apart from the return of what is rightfully mine which he is quite firm would always happen no matter what.

I hope you don't break up but if you do, don't be surprised if things that were said while you were together go out of the window.

There's frequently threads on here from people who can't believe their ex is behaving the way he/she is.

Kookygirl

Well it seems the general consensus according to the poll and this thread is that a cohabitation agreement is the way to go. I do feel this is the right way to go, having buried my life savings into my house and its contents, I don't intend to give any of this away in the event the relationship breaks down and as has been pointed out, the agreement works both ways. I do agree that it's not the most romantic of gestures but that does not mean I should instead just cross my fingers and hope for the best. Relationships break down for all sorts of reasons, and you never know how the break up will go.

I do also recognise that it is probably fair to only ask for half of the bills and the thought had occurred to me in the past as the logical option. However, I then realised this would amount to a very small contribution from him. This move would mean he would be living in a much better location, living rent and mortgage free, consequently saving hundreds a month on what he is currently paying now, whilst I receive 'pocket money' in return. The financial benefit to me in this move would be minimal, and to him huge, and that seemed to me also unfair (rightly or wrongly). I can't help but feel that the financial benefit to moving in together should be much more 'equal'. Perhaps equal and fair are not the same thing in all situations. Fortunately he was the one who suggested paying the bills so that the financial side of things were much more equal, before I even had a chance to raise the issue of how much he should contribute.

I guess my main concern now is how do I go about this, there are DIY agreements available to buy, but is it worth spending the money to see a solicitor. Do the DIY agreements have any weight? I read that unless the two parties have sought independent legal advice before signing a cohabitation agreement, it does not hold much water. That will be fun - convincing him to seek independent legal advice, when he loves the idea of a cohabitation agreement already!

barbiedoll

You can't have it both ways though, can you? You want your partner to pay his share but you want to protect your investment and any equity in your home. Either you let him pay more and possibly have a claim on your property if you do split, or you pay more and get that warm glow that comes from being a homeowner!

The only way that you will be protected is if you let him only pay for what he uses, i.e half of the utility bills, council tax and food. Get him to pay for nights out and holidays though, no-one keeps receipts for restaurant bills and he will have a hard time claiming for those if you split!

Person_one

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

He has mental health issues and basically relies on me to do everything for him anyway,

He's getting a lot from you being there, yet he's very determined that you mustn't have any security in the relationship.

I wouldn't be happy in your shoes at all.