Children - getting older

ognum

Helpfulone wrote: »

She pays money every week (though this may change soon as she's been having problems at work).

She hasn't got any disability but she does have an attitude. It honestly doesn't come from me but maybe she has been spoilt over the years.

This something that as a parent I would have a problem with. If she was not enabled by you she would have to modify her attitude as she would need to stay in work to keep a roof over her head.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh because I think it does but you are allowing your daughter to behave badly so that she stays at home.

You should be telling her that come what may she needs to pay her rent so if it comes out of her savings or she works in a low paid job she has to go to work and learn to modify her attitude.

I completely understand when you say it doesn't come from you, before we have children we know what we want them to be like, trouble is they come out how they are but we can change them by the way we react.

ska_lover

OP,
The best thing you can do, is to get them to fly the nest - and lead happy fulfilled INDEPENDANT lives, as the adults they both are. They do not exist to give you something 'to do'.

31 year old living at home, I bet s/he gets the p1ss taken out of them constantly, surely you yourself would be more happy for them if they did the 'normal' things, had a relationship, a life of their own? Just the fact that they still live with mummy would put off prospective suitors..its creepy

Takeaway_Addict

claretmatt wrote: »

I know someone who is 35 and still lives at home.

Wind him and his parents up that he'll be there forever.

I worked with someone who was 47 and living with his parents, no reason for it such as care reasons....just liked the comfort to much

that was years ago as well so he's prob 50 odd now and at home with his folks

ognum

ska_lover wrote: »

OP,
The best thing you can do, is to get them to fly the nest - and lead happy fulfilled INDEPENDANT lives, as the adults they both are. They do not exist to give you something 'to do'.

31 year old living at home, I bet s/he gets the p1ss taken out of them constantly, surely you yourself would be more happy for them if they did the 'normal' things, had a relationship, a life of their own? Just the fact that they still live with mummy would put off prospective suitors..its creepy

I don't think it's creep providing both parties are happy with the arrangement and not preventing either the mum from getting on with a happy independent life or the child from entering adult relationships both socially and in their work environments.

IT does become dysfunctional if it enables either party to be so dependent they can't move on.

angelsmomma

deannatrois wrote: »

I have a 17 year old son.., he has special needs. I am a single parent. He has started chatting to girls on facebook.., and it really struck home that one day he will leave home.

But whilst the day he leaves will be the saddest day of my life.., it will also be the day that I know I have done my job right. And I will be so proud that he feels self sufficient enough to cope on his own. As he has aspergers and dyspraxia sometimes its been a long road just teaching him how to do washing up and so on.., but I did it with one view in mind.., getting him to be able to live independently one day. Not because I wanted him to leave.., but because I wanted him to be an adult, able to make his own choices and live the way he wants to live, whatever that may be.

I am already looking for things that I can do to to enrich my life, for me, to fill the gap that will be there the day he leaves. I'm hoping i won't do anything embarrassing like falling to my knees and begging him to stay ha ha!

In a way, I'm already getting a milk run as he's gone to college, is out of the school system and its all fairly organised so I'm not having to spend days on end researching stuff to solve problems that have occurred. For many years I've done litte but think about my older son, so its going to be a huge gap to fill. But I will, and with a smile on my face.

Thank you for this, it has cheered me up no end. My 12 year old son has the same special needs and I sometimes despair of him ever remembering how to do everyday things.

I spend my life repeating myself but this has reminded me of how after the 1000th time of saying/showing something he just gets it. My whole purpose in doing it is so that one day he will be out there living his own life.

Helpfulone

ska_lover wrote: »

OP,
The best thing you can do, is to get them to fly the nest - and lead happy fulfilled INDEPENDANT lives, as the adults they both are. They do not exist to give you something 'to do'.

31 year old living at home, I bet s/he gets the p1ss taken out of them constantly, surely you yourself would be more happy for them if they did the 'normal' things, had a relationship, a life of their own? Just the fact that they still live with mummy would put off prospective suitors..its creepy

Well she's had a relationship that didn't work out and the outcome of that was my granddaughter who also lives with me.

Actually the more I think about the more I'm beginning to wonder what I should do about the whole situation. She's definately got an attitude and is in trouble at work (she threatened one of the other workers and is off at the moment).

I feel quite depressed now:(

tanith

I don't think you are helping them by encouraging them to stay with you, a good parent brings up their children to fly the nest and have productive and useful independant lives, how do you think they'll cope when you are no longer around? You need to cut those apron strings and make sure they know that staying at home forever isn't an option and they should get lives of their own which you can then be part of.
I did have one of my 3 who hung around way past what was good for him but he's now long gone and making a life and family overseas which is painful for me but I'm glad that he's happy and confident now.
I'm sure people aren't meaning to depress you but rather make you realise that its not a good situation for any of you..

eschaton

Helpfulone wrote: »

Well she's had a relationship that didn't work out and the outcome of that was my granddaughter who also lives with me.

Actually the more I think about the more I'm beginning to wonder what I should do about the whole situation. She's definately got an attitude and is in trouble at work (she threatened one of the other workers and is off at the moment).

I feel quite depressed now:(

I think she needs to grow up and stop acting like a kid.

Trouble on Facestalk, trouble at work, tell her to get a grip.

I guess it will be hard for her to move out as she will need to do it on her own. No guy with any sense is going to take that on.

sukysue

I really don't mind either way if they stay then I would love it and if they go then I would be very proud they have made their way in the world. The way I look at it is we chose to have them and bring them into the world we have a responsibility to help and guide them till they don't need us anymore. The way the house prices and jobs are today for some kids it is never going to be a reality to leave home it's a sad reflection on the recession hit society we all live in. Thing is though years ago generations of the same family lived together it seems to be the way things are going back to.

lollipopsarah

Well our son has just turned 30 and still at home (he hates it) but then he works part time (ish) and is studying for a degree with OU and saving like mad so that hopefully he will have a deposit for his first future home.
He drives me mad sometimes but I'm also very proud of him for not just wasting his time/money and I hope that when he goes his own way he will not make the mistakes that we have.
Other son is at uni and eats like mad for free in the holidays!
xx