Children - getting older

Helpfulone

My daughter is 31 son is 21 (big age gap).

Both still live at home - but I dread the day that they leave home.

Yes they are messy and yes it costs more having them here still but boy I just can't imagine them leaving.

Does anyone else have older children still living at home and do you sometimes have the dread of 'empty nest' syndrome?

themull1

My daughters are 14 and 11 and i can't wait for them to leave home so i can do what i like!! Seriously, i wouldn't particularly want my kids to still be at home at 31, i would want them to be a bit more independant.

ognum

OP have they ever left home?

Now would be the time to start creating a life that will keep you happy after they have left.

Surely you understand that your children should leave and create their own lives, did you live with you mother when you were 31?

indsty

What you "should" be doing is encouraging your adult children to become more independent. This includes having their own home, being financially independent, and starting to behave like adults. Are you sure they are not still at home because they are picking up on some emotional blackmail from yourself that you would be utterly devastated if they were not there.

I am not saying it is wrong for a family to stay living together as multi-generational living can be very successful - but surely it should not be done just to ensure you remain feeling "needed".

[Deleted User]

I have a 17 year old son.., he has special needs. I am a single parent. He has started chatting to girls on facebook.., and it really struck home that one day he will leave home.

But whilst the day he leaves will be the saddest day of my life.., it will also be the day that I know I have done my job right. And I will be so proud that he feels self sufficient enough to cope on his own. As he has aspergers and dyspraxia sometimes its been a long road just teaching him how to do washing up and so on.., but I did it with one view in mind.., getting him to be able to live independently one day. Not because I wanted him to leave.., but because I wanted him to be an adult, able to make his own choices and live the way he wants to live, whatever that may be.

I am already looking for things that I can do to to enrich my life, for me, to fill the gap that will be there the day he leaves. I'm hoping i won't do anything embarrassing like falling to my knees and begging him to stay ha ha!

In a way, I'm already getting a milk run as he's gone to college, is out of the school system and its all fairly organised so I'm not having to spend days on end researching stuff to solve problems that have occurred. For many years I've done litte but think about my older son, so its going to be a huge gap to fill. But I will, and with a smile on my face.

Seanymph

Personally I have two gone, and three still sort-of left. One is now away at Uni, and one at Uni from home.

As for 'empty nest'. God no.

personally I can't wait. The pleasure in watching them learn to run a house, and budget, and make choices, and organise themselves. I love it. I look forward to the other three making that step too.

Of course they come back (mostly!) - the one that went to uni two weeks ago arrived home Friday, she has done nothing but sleep, eat, and ride the ponies up the road since she arrived - I haven't seen much of her and she returns this evening. But I figure she needed to visit soon after leaving just to check it was all still here. It is.

74jax

I have a 15 year old and she spends school holidays at her dad's and I love the space.

I would hope she leaves before she is 20. Certainly not still be here at 31.

peachyprice

My eldest two are only 18 and still at home, but I look forward to the day when they will be independent adults living fulfilled and happy lives of their own, it's what we've been preparing them for from the day they were born.

I find dreading grown adult children leaving home a little weird TBH.

ognum

We should give our children 'roots and wings'. That way they know where home is and will be happy to return now and then but will have the strength, fortitude and stamina to go it alone.

Preparing ourselves is the key, we should not live our live vicariously through our children, not when they are any age and especially not when they are adult.

Let go, move on and enjoy the next new life!

Helpfulone

My daughter left home for a while to live with her then boyfriend - but it didn't work out.

I have to look out for her more than my son - she's always getting into some sort of trouble on facebook and with other women that she's known for a long time. We live in a small village so everyone knows everyone's business.

peachyprice

Sounds like it would do them both good to get away from there then.