A tiny triumph

krlyr

If/when you do feel ready for a dog again, I would say look around for an established, well-recommended dog rescue that will help pair you up with an assessed, suitable do. I would recommend joining a forum like http://dogpages.org.uk/forums/ or http://forum.dogrescueworld.org.uk where rescues and their 'staff'/volunteers post and build up a good reputation. You may find one locally, or even the other side of the country (many rehome nationwide), but you'll soon see the world of difference in the support and care they take in homing, vs. the council place you got Scampers from.

neveranymoney

Do you know, I am so genuinely touched by all your lovely kindness and it has really made a difference to how I feel. Thank you all so much and I send you all a million virtual hugs and loves.

Today was really odd, I cannot think of scampers with out totally welling up, what is he doing now? He will be so lonely and afraid. In my calmer moments, I can rationally see that it was the right decision for my family, my son, on going to bed last night threw his arms round me and said 'now don't be sad about scampers, if I was a dog, I wouldn't want to bite your face '. Out of the mouths of babes.

My mum rang, (we had been going through a bit of a rocky patch, our relationship is a bit odd at times so at least something positive has come out of it) and she had said that when she had the kids, they had called to see her friends who have a very big, mad as a box of frogs pup and that James was scared of him. My daughter was born to look after animals and has always been great with them and she was grand an she also told me the same. This really upset me, I do not want my son to have a fear of any animal as he would never have been as natural with animals as my daughter, but he certainly wasn't afraid.

I went to the gym and it was possibly not the brightest idea, my husband often walked scampers in the grounds behind it and I often could see them out a window and used to joke when scampers had to be muzzled that there was my husband and Hannibal lector. I didn't want to tell anybody as I get upset thinking about it and non animal people just don't seem to get why you are so upset but I told one of my closest chums and had a wee tear. I'm sure the muscle Mary's had a right gawp at the bleary eyed loon huffing and puffing away.

When I got home, my best friend, a big dog lover and a rescue owner to boot whom I had texted last night had put a massive bag of sweets and a family sized bar of chocolate through my door. Oh to be one of those people who in times of stress can't look at food. Me? I EAT.

I really don't know what will happen, i am stupidly starting to watch dogs: their secret lives on ch4.......

meritaten

early days NAM. but, you will realise that you HAVE done the right thing - for Scampers too. He will get the right owner I am sure, now that the rescue know what his issues are. TBH I am mad as fire at their irresponsibility! what if he had badly bitten you or your children or OH come to that! basically, he was a nice dog who has obviously been very badly abused and was just not suitable for a family!
There are thousands of sweet natured dogs out there who would be in 'doggy heaven' if YOU took them on! I say it again............I did so admire the way you took Scampers on and gave and gave and gave to him - I honestly cannot imagine 99% of people putting up with him after the first bite........they would have returned him then or had him PTS. instead, you tried to find out if he was trainable out of it and how to deal with his 'issues'. That is going above and beyond!

I was thinking of you today and hoping you were coming to terms with Scampers loss - but, it will take time and then when you are ALL ready you can perhaps discuss where you want to be with pet ownership (but my betting is that some poor pup will find you before then!).

neveranymoney

I have to say, I agree meritaten. The behaviourist quite rightly said that these 'rehoming centres' hearts are in the right place, they keeps dogs from death row basically and the majority of people who dump their poor pets don't tell them that they have been abusive to the animal. You can see why on paper that he seemed 'fine' - he had owners and lived with another dog, they had a fire and couldn't come back for him in their new accommodation. In saying that, I do feel some sort of duty of care should be in place regarding suitability to family's and life styles, not only for the humans but for the dogs happiness also.

Our children have been taught how to behave and treat animals, they aren't toys etc and certainly aren't allowed to behave like mad, uncontrolled eejits (most of the time!) and my husband and I said today that it was only sheer luck another family with perhaps younger, rowdier kids hadn't been allowed to innocently bring scampers home. It doesn't bear thinking about really. My only comfort at the minute is that now they are in possession of the full facts, a suitable home will be found for him. I desperately wanted this to be his forever home and I think that is what puts me off the thought of another dog. We all tried so hard and it just wasn't enough. Would we bond with a new dog knowing the outcome of my poor boy and thus keep our guards up? I don't think any of us could go through it again.

The few who do know have said that in time, what about a puppy? I really don't know tbh, the responsibility of proper socialisation, training and behaviour is so massive and I would be very worried of getting it wrong. I would want to be sure we were doing it properly and wanting a 'bomb proof' family dog and how the heck can you guarantee that?

I think my husband is a bit more pro the idea, he and scamps found many a hidden treasure of a walk and I think it was a de stressor for him (when he had 360 views of the landscape and it was doggy free) but never mind the emotional reasons, it seriously wouldn't be financially viable at the minute. I would want to crate train, all the toys, kongs and other odds and sods add up. I would want to keep the behaviourist on occasionally too as he is also a trainer, he is so laid back, positive and kept telling us we were getting it all right when we were, to chill and that none of this was our fault. That sounds mercenary and an awful reason not to think of a pup, but when scampers was good, he really was very good and I can't see another dog matching up to that, we had our wee routines, he knew the sound of my husbands car and would look at me and I would say 'where's daddy? Find him!' And he would hop off to the kitchen door and wait until my husband came in. He sat under the table when we had our dinner and never begged. Oh, all the things that dog owners love about their own dogs really.

meritaten

NAM - Stop it! you are 'idealising' Scampers! read back and the dog drove you nuts!
your son was scared of him! you couldn't even let him in the garden as he went schizo at the poor dog in the neighbouring garden! He WASNT - the 'Ideal' pet with one issue - he had lots of them!
sorry - harsh I know, but, I think you are in danger of 'sanctifying' Scampers! you tried your best, but, it wasn't you who wasn't responding, it was the dog. I am a most sentimental person with animals and if even I think that YOU couldn't have done more - then you couldn't have. In your position I would have sent the dog back too.
I forgave a bite from my staffy because we were 'rough playing' - but she didn't forgive herself for hours - took me ages to coax her out from behind sofa after she accidentally bit my nose! she was so upset.
I had a few bites from meggy my English springer - but only when I was trying to teach her the command 'no' and stop her eating treats or grabbing toys! in all those cases the dog wasn't at fault.
Yours was - unprovoked attacks! yes, maybe because you didnt know the dogs 'triggers' - but, those 'triggers' are almost unheard of!
my staffy loved to 'lean into' me. my springer loved the kids to 'pile on'and they would all cuddle! Scampers had 'triggers' which most dogs love to do!!! even very experienced dog owners would have struggled I think.

neveranymoney

Again, you are right, he did drive me up the wall a hell of a lot of the time and he was taking over all our lives in one way or another.

The baring the teeth and slowly moving towards my face actually seemed unreal at the the time, I got him into the garden, phoned husband, emailed behaviourist, posted here and then stood and absentmindedly made a kong for the freezer, all the while thinking 'what are we in for now!' The fact that I had actually seen his bite and the fact that my burly husband needed another guy to pry his jaws apart was what brought me down to earth with a bump. I'm glad that more experienced dog owners don't think I have done the wrong thing. This certainly wasn't a case of dog not working out and fitting into my tidy life and I do need reminded of that.

It is surprising how many people do own snappy dogs or 'dogs I wouldn't trust with kids' my daughters friend has a dog who snarls and is always being generally unpleasant. It may be acceptable and manageable to them, and fair play to you but it isn't to me.

meritaten

NAM - not one poster has in any way blamed you! and on this board if the owner is in the wrong they get told in no uncertain terms!
Its tough coming to terms with it I should think - but, you MUST stop being so hard on yourself!

codemonkey

I hope this doesn't come across as smug but I just wanted to say that not all rescue centres do this and not all rescue dogs have issues or an incomplete history.

We spent a lot of frustrating days visiting all the local dog shelters, and contacting the ones with fosterers. We went there every weekend for a month but were clear with what we wanted -we were looking for a dog that was able to be left for a few hours while we went to work, was ok with other dogs, because we were going to be using a dog walker, and we wanted a dog that was child friendly because we have little ones on either side. One rescue offered us a dog that was grumpy with other dogs and didn't like children and we refused. They didn't take it well!! We eventually gave up on them and decided on the Dog's Trust. We must have seen every dog who passed through there and had our favourites. We walked a few. Then one day they told us that Captain Dumbass was coming in with another dog and they were perfect for us - I'd have taken them both but we had to choose one or the another and we chose Captain Dumbass. Then we had to wait a month for him to come in. He's a brilliant dog, which is not to say he's without his issues. He had bad teeth which we worked to clean, he didn't know what to do with biscuits and bones, which lead us to believe he'd never had any. He's not the best eater, he needs to be reminded to drink from his water bowl and he's stubborn and wont do anything if he doesn't feel like it. But he's gentle with kids, loves other dogs and everyone who meets him falls in love with him. He's a fab dog and I thank my lucky stars that we found him.

I feel guilty over the dogs that were left behind and I keep an eye on the website to see if my favourites get rehomed - so far 5 of them are still waiting.

I don't mean to be all nenener we got a good dog - CD's temperament is nothing to do with us and as far as we know, he was treated well in his last home and was a victim of the bedroom tax, but more a reflection on the shelter who took a lot of time to make sure we were paired with the best possible dog.