Really in a mess

Toto

peachyprice wrote: »

Forget the fact for a minute that your flat mate is a man. Would you still feel you were cheating on the girl you have a date with if you'd had a one night stand with a woman?

TBH, I can't see the big deal about it being a man, so you were curious, you may do it again, you may not, as long as you're safe whoever you are sleeping with it doesn't make any difference to future relationships.

Totally agree with this. I actually can't see the problem. Just run with whatever makes you happy, that's always a great place to start I think. If you want to date the girl, go for it, if you want to date the guy, well, go for that too.

Try not to overlap too much or for extended periods because then things do get messy and people get hurt, but at the moment you aren't actually dating anyone so there is no problem.

dragonette

Well, here's what I do when I have several people I may be interested in/interested in me:

1. Be honest and open. Totally. You have to tell your flatmate that you already had a date lined up with this lass (tbh, should have done that before you slept with him)

2. Don't plan too far ahead. You might get on with this lass, you might not. Your flatmate might want a relationship, or just needed sex as it had been a while. Talk to them, see how things go.

3. Take time to think to make you don't hurt anyone involved (including yourself). This includes using protection and testing.

And please forget about the gender/sex involved, it really doesn't matter. Really, you could date of them if they both agree to that, its not easy but its certainly fulfilling

lostinrates

dragonette wrote: »

And please forget about the gender/sex involved, it really doesn't matter. Really, you could date of them if they both agree to that, its not easy but its certainly fulfilling

Agreed totally with the gender and sexualities views of pretty much everyone.

The point raised by dragonette is a different one. Open relationships, or polyamory in any form, are very different beast to gender sexuality, and the point she raises about them 'agreeing' is a massive one IMO.

One can be bisexual and monogamous and its equally fulfilling if that's your thing, more if poly certainly isn't.

I'd certainly suggest being clearer on your own feelings and emotions before involving someone else's, let alone multiple partners.

However, that said, a one night encounter even with a friend, isn't a relationship, and neither, IMO, is dating, dating is a different beast from 'relationships'.

It might be after the date the girl isn't that keen on continuing and it might be a non issue at this stage.

I'd be honest with your flatmate and say you enjoyed it but that you need time to think, you had this prearranged date you are going to go on, but that you really don't know how you feel. I wouldn't sleep with him again until you do know how you feel. If you are not in a monogamous relationship or seeing someone else and he is Totally aware that you aren't up for commitment then I see no harm in a fwb relationship, but only if you remember it might turn sour and necessitate finding new living arrangements. Otherwise, you know you make compatible housemates.....that's a bonus in a relationship!

dragonette

LIR put it much better and more fully than I did.

OP, feel free to PM me if you want someone to listen/ramble to about this. Being open and honest with yourself is the starting point, and with your flatmate. Try to not get your head in a spin too much, its very easy to do so!

The_Hurricane

I think people who claim to be long term posters and come on here with fake profiles should frankly be ignored.

System

The_Hurricane wrote: »

I think people who claim to be long term posters and come on here with fake profiles should frankly be ignored.

Its entertaining though.:D

The_Hurricane

Judi wrote: »

Its entertaining though.:D

Yes but maybe not true.

peachyprice

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Yes but maybe not true.

If people replied to posts based on that theory nothing here would ever get a reply.

The_Hurricane

peachyprice wrote: »

If people replied to posts based on that theory nothing here would ever get a reply.

Again true but at least if the poster has some sort of track record they can have the benefit of the doubt - the guy above is obviously a crank.

dragonette

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Again true but at least if the poster has some sort of track record they can have the benefit of the doubt - the guy above is obviously a crank.

I have to say, I've seen my friends in far more complex and confusing situations than the OP's, and along the same lines.

So while I don't know if the OP is genuine, I know these things happen. I don't see anything in the OP to doubt its true