feeling sorry for myself

missflowers

Right now I seemed to be absolutely consumed by regrets and what ifs. They have been there in the background but now I'm in absolute panic mode that I'm making all the wrong decisions or more like unable to make a decision and life is passing me by. Terrible to be so negative but thats how I feel.

duchy

I think you need to break up the various issues into manageable chunks..... Socially take one positive step - this might be joining a class - or signing up with meetup ...or just making a call and arranging something definite socially...... sometimes taking a positive step helps you feel like you've taken control a bit and makes you feel so much better.

If you are working a lot of overtime- think about cutting back.....plan treats at home if you have no plans for the evening....pamper yourself a bit.

As for the house.....think carefully.....are you being realistic in the area you want and size of property ? Is it a case of waiting or do you need to take a deep breath and say you're not being realistic and work out what is an acceptable compromise (might be waiting longer ....or a property that needs a bit more work.....or a bit more flexibility with area.

Breaking the stressy areas into controllable lumps rather than one huge mass of everything together will help you keep perspective and not let one area impinge on your decisions in another.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

missflowers wrote: »

Right now I seemed to be absolutely consumed by regrets and what ifs. They have been there in the background but now I'm in absolute panic mode that I'm making all the wrong decisions or more like unable to make a decision and life is passing me by. Terrible to be so negative but thats how I feel.

Sorry to hear that you are still feeling bad. However, you are beating yourself up here for no reason. There are no right or wrong decisions, nobody knows what's ahead of them, you just have to go with the flow. Can I ask, when was the last time you went for a walk close to some trees and just let your mind wander? It can be really healing to be outside, aimlessly walking and just getting some fresh air and perspective.

missflowers

duchy wrote: »

I think you need to break up the various issues into manageable chunks..... Socially take one positive step - this might be joining a class - or signing up with meetup ...or just making a call and arranging something definite socially...... sometimes taking a positive step helps you feel like you've taken control a bit and makes you feel so much better.

If you are working a lot of overtime- think about cutting back.....plan treats at home if you have no plans for the evening....pamper yourself a bit.

As for the house.....think carefully.....are you being realistic in the area you want and size of property ? Is it a case of waiting or do you need to take a deep breath and say you're not being realistic and work out what is an acceptable compromise (might be waiting longer ....or a property that needs a bit more work.....or a bit more flexibility with area.

Breaking the stressy areas into controllable lumps rather than one huge mass of everything together will help you keep perspective and not let one area impinge on your decisions in another.

One thing I know is that I work too much and that is sometimes the wrong priority, but if I'm not doing that then I'm doing anything. And its a good excuse for myself.... I can't do that because I have work to do etc. It wouldn't be so bad if it was my company but it's not.

House wise this is a big decision, I'm desperate to settle down but terrified I'm going to get it wrong. In my mind I want to be in the town I used to live, but nothing is available, sure there are houses for sale, but many are family homes and I'm not a family, so they don't feel right to me. So I could move to another area, but then I would always have to get in the car and drive to shops, family etc. Its difficult when you have no one to share this decision with to work out the pros and con's of each place. I suppose now I'm better off waiting until the spring.

This hardly seems to be a tragic life event, when you read and see what else is going on in the world, but its consuming my thoughts at the moment.

elsien

OK, a couple of things.
Firstly, throwing yourself into work can lead to you becoming ill and having to take time off to recover. I learned about work/life balance the hard way and had to give up a job because of it.
What do you do to physically switch off and relax? If the answer is nothing, its probably a good idea to find something. When I was mega stressed, going for a massage worked for me. Sometimes your body forgets how to wind down and needs to relearn. Now I have a house, its my garden. (Hated gardening before that!)
As far as the house thing goes, I'm not sure what you mean by a family house? I think that's maybe another example of you having all the issues wrapped up together in your head. I'm on my own and live in a 3 bedroom terrace surrounded by families - I just wonder how they all manage to fit everything in!
I think I know where you're coming from, but you can't solve everything at once. So just think about the things you can try to change. I hated being on my own every night, I tried various clubs, I now have a dog. Not for everyone, works for me.
And bottom line, if you do buy the wrong house, you can always sell up and move on, it's not the end of the world.
As Duchy said, manageable chunks or you become paralysed by indecision. Have you considered counselling at all? I was sceptical till I tried it, but it did help.

missflowers

elsien wrote: »

And bottom line, if you do buy the wrong house, you can always sell up and move on, it's not the end of the world.
As Duchy said, manageable chunks or you become paralysed by indecision. Have you considered counselling at all? I was sceptical till I tried it, but it did help.

Made a mistake with my last house so I think I'm just worried I'll get it wrong again.

I went through a period of depression a few years ago, was on anti depressants for a while but came off them. I had counselling then too. It was such a battle to go every week. I was so confused with the whole process. Looking back it took a long time. I ended up drinking a lot too. Work is probably taking place of that now.

marisco_2

It is awful when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, and reach the stage where you question your judgement, and ability to make and see through big decisions about your life. In the past I have felt just as you describe feeling now. I can also relate to putting on a brave face and throwing yourself into work as a way of avoiding addressing issues. Ultimately those approaches only add to the pressures you end up being under, and they make it more and more difficult to think clearly.

OP when was the last time that you turned to trusted friends or loved ones for support and told someone honestly how you feel? It may initially feel like a big step to take, to confide that life has become an emotional struggle. Once you open up and admit this to someone else though a huge weight will feel lifted. If you don't feel comfy unloading to people you are close to, then may I suggest speaking to your gp and taking his or her advice on finding positive ways forward. I really hope you will be okay and that you feel much happier soon

missflowers

marisco wrote: »

OP when was the last time that you turned to trusted friends or loved ones for support and told someone honestly how you feel? It may initially feel like a big step to take, to confide that life has become an emotional struggle. Once you open up and admit this to someone else though a huge weight will feel lifted. If you don't feel comfy unloading to people you are close to, then may I suggest speaking to your gp and taking his or her advice on finding positive ways forward. I really hope you will be okay and that you feel much happier soon

This was some time ago and it did help, I remember it very clearly. A friend had spotted that I was struggling and sat me down and we talked (and laughed). I have phoned them recently but I couldn't get across how low I was feeling. Because I have moved I don't see them as much now. I don't have a vast selection of friends. I can't imagine going to my go at the moment.

paulineb_2

missflowers wrote: »

This was some time ago and it did help, I remember it very clearly. A friend had spotted that I was struggling and sat me down and we talked (and laughed). I have phoned them recently but I couldn't get across how low I was feeling. Because I have moved I don't see them as much now. I don't have a vast selection of friends. I can't imagine going to my go at the moment.

All I can say is, theres light at the end of the tunnel. I suffered from work related anxiety for a long time and nothing helped. My GP doesnt believe in giving anti depressants out and I was too low to exercise, previously exercise was a massive part of my life.

What happened to change my view of the world. I lost a family member very suddenly 3 years ago and realised that if I sat on my backside any longer life would pass me by and that people werent going to come and knock my door.

I also had a really difficult 2012 but that also smacked some reality into me, because really, when life really is very very tough, you long for the ordinary life you had, I did anyway.

I did take anti depressants for 6 months last year as at that point due to a combination of factors I realised that I did need some help. It sorted out my sleep pattern, made me less anxious. I also realised that I needed to look after myself properly, that meant less alcohol, better food.

And there is no magic wand and sometimes when you feel like crap, the smallest day to day thing can seem massive and you look at other people and think, well I bet their life is better than mine, when it probably isnt, people all have their own worries

I also joined a couple of sites and made new friends, started saying yes to invitations and not no.

In 2011 I went out once. That was it. I had the energy to do nothing but sleep and work and not a lot else. This year Ive been out maybe 25 times, which is a massive step forward for me. My life still isnt 100 per cent the way I want it and it may never be, but thats ok, its better than it was.

If you do need help and you cant stop crying, please go and see your GP, theres nothing wrong with being low, but if its not lifting and you do need help, theres no shame in asking for it.

paulineb_2

missflowers wrote: »

Yes all of the above. I work too much and have realised I don't have much else. I do have friends of course, but they are busy with their own lives. I think I put on a bit of a front sometimes but I suppose if I was honest I would say I'm a bit lonely and use my work to keep busy.

Meet up is a great site if there are local groups near you. Im a member of a local meet up group and I go out with them twice a month or so and sometimes I still think, do I really want to go, Id rather just stay in, but it gets me out, I meet people, its a few hours out of my night and its not just social groups, there are all sorts, walking groups, music, fitness, groups for women only and its free to join. Its kick started my social life massively.