feeling sorry for myself

missflowers

Hello

I'm posting under a different name!
Having a bad time at the moment and feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I've been in tears. Basically I have been very unsettled for a long while with no permanent home (long story but I have been renting, staying with friends etc) and I'm desperate to buy a home (not a make do house). right now I feel as though I am completely wasting my life and working far too much. I have a very limited social life and I'm beginning to really hate myself.

I've been looking at houses recently and nothing is 'right' either too much money or in the wrong location. I have family nearby and I really want to be close to them as I'm terrified if I move away I would just isolate myself. I have a small deposit and mortgage in principle.

Apart from just burying myself in my duvet I'm not sure what else to do. I've suffered from depression before and don't want to experience that again.

There said what I've been thinking for a while.

Netwizard

Sometimes it can take a while to find the right house. Frustrating as it maybe, you wouldnt want to settle for second best as you would never be happy with it, so waiting until you find the right place is the correct thing to do imo.

You obviously have friends and family near, so make use of them, even if its just nipping into town for a coffee and a browse round the shops, anything to get you out the house, as staying in the house on your own will just make you feel worse

ttc39

hiya, why is your social life limited ? is it due to you working long hours/ unsociable hours? or not going to clubs/events?

hopefully you will find a nice house that you will love very soon xx

missflowers

Yes all of the above. I work too much and have realised I don't have much else. I do have friends of course, but they are busy with their own lives. I think I put on a bit of a front sometimes but I suppose if I was honest I would say I'm a bit lonely and use my work to keep busy.

ognum

how about being a bit proactive. Identify the area you want to live that is within your budget and prepare a note to slip through letter boxes asking if people ate thinking about selling and give an email address or contact number.

Sometimes just taking you own steps helps you feel better.

belfastgirl23

You know what though, that's just the process of housebuying - its frustrating and you never find the right thing at the right price ... until you do. In the meantime you just have to keep looking and have faith. I think it is a bit harder on your own as well.

I guess I'm just saying that how you're feeling re the housebuying is totally normal, most likely unrelated to depression or boredom or anything else, although you may well be feeling some of those things as well. Panic is your main underpinning here and that's perfectly normal.

marisco_2

Could part of the reason why you cant find a house that is just right, be because you don't feel 100% happy with your life at this time? So no location that you are looking in grabs you and makes you want to settle down there.

Perhaps once you get more balance to your personal / work life and develop a good social life again, you will feel more secure about making such a big decision. You cant rush into buying property, to do so risks having to correct an expensive mistake. Prepare yourself for the fact that it is also one of life's most frustrating experiences.

elsien

Can you separate the two issues, house and social life? They're not really intrinsically linked, although (as someone who didn't manage to buy till a bit later than average) it can feel like everyone else is on the bandwagon and getting on with their lives except you.

Housewise, if everything is either too expensive or in the wrong location, you maybe need to relook at your priorities and work out what you are willing to compromise on. Because if the only houses you want in the right area are too expensive, then you may not have realistic expectations.

Social life wise, been there, done that, still feel like it at times. You're not wasting your life just because you're not on the same treadmill as the rest of the population. My friend and I used to have very similar conversations because we felt that at our stage in life we "should" have achieved more re house, relationships etc. But really we were putting the pressure on ourselves.
Doing things you enjoy either on your own or with friends and family is far more important. Burying yourself in work, although it's an easier option is really unhelpful in the long turn and might make depression a bit more likely.
Make the effort to do something once in a while, contact friends and ask them out, get out in the fresh air and blow the cobwebs away. You're losing perspective a bit and need to get it back again.

ttc39

I used to work long hours and put on a act to mates/ family that I was ok and enjoying life, like you I really felt quite alone ,fed up and sad :-(

Maybe you should perhaps not think about moving until you feel happy in life with you, once you are happy you may well be more open to the properties around you?

Are there any social events through work or anyway to connect more with possible buddies?

missflowers

Thanks for your comments everyone. I think I can make sense of the good advice.
I have not gone into work today as I look dreadful (crying) and I can't face the dreaded 'what have you got planned for the weekend' questions.

I'm hoping a good cry will help.

marisco_2

Sorry to hear you are upset. I think you are wise to take a day off and just concentrate on yourself. I hope you do have a good weekend and feel happier and more optimistic soon. Take care