If you only knew how much you have helped me

icka

Hi Guys

Oh dear I know another post from a newbie I hear you say. Buy I just want to say that I have been a lurker for almost a year now and this is the first time I have plucked up the courage to register.

The reson I am writing this is to say Thank You, without knowing it or without even know me, you have probably stopped me throwing myself under a bus. Not that I would really, fearing that I would not even get that right or the guilt would probably kill me. But you know things are at a bad stage when you are crossing a road and you wait just that little but too long. Any way by some miriacle god or the angels or some hire being, perhaps one of panikattacks dragons (god I love his stories so funny):rotfl: took me to this site. And gradually over time I have realised that no I am not alone and I'm not the stupidestgirl in the world. That there are others out there who are in the same mess as me. You know things are bad when you have no money for lunch and pay day is like a week away. Which used to happen quite a lot, not so bad now but still happens often.

But sitting reading throught the site and reading your stories and how much support you gave each other,gave me the strenght to carry on. I have laughed and cried with all of you. Was so excited when immoral angel's hubby finally passed his driving test and her beautiful llittle girl was born. Going on MSE was like a holiday for me, a place to get away where I could be myself and nobody would ever judge me. I know you all find that strange since I have never logged on before.

Its funny before I started reading MSE life was a complete and utter mess now its so much better, still a mess but there is hope. I love the days when I'm in the house by my self so that I can log on for hours and read the stories. Its so funny I would now much much rather be on here listening to all you lot than out in a pub spending money I dont have with people who dont really give a crap about me.

I dont know any of you but you have meant more to me in the last year than you will know. You are my whole release from the crap that was my life. Things are a little better for me now. I was in a job that I hated more than anything, I was crying going to work and I ended up off for 6 weeks at the end. Every day I was being sick at least 5-6 times and I had only being there for about 5 months. It was the most soul destroying place where the girls were so !!!!!y and horrible to me, I wanted to crawl into a corner and die.

But like finding MSE I got a great job for a fab company I started 4 weeks ago (why are you at home then I hear you say) Im working from home today, had a huge speed wobble over the last few days, flat mate is using me and being a leech and I cant afford to feed myself let alone her every day. So I confronted her ( huge deal for me, Im a scardy cat)and I have been feeling sick over it since. Anyway back t my job is a great job, but I need to dress very corporate and I dont have the money to buy good suits, and have my hair properly done and my nail etc. So Im really stuck.

Anyway apart from all that I dont owe as much as alot of people, but Im 29and I live in rented accom. and I have nothing to my name. Apart from some aleo vera plants which are growing at a rate that is quite scary. I owe about £7000, I also have to pay £4000 for college each year - the first half is due in september. Oh and I'm fat, I used not be but now I am, since getting upset over everything I put on a stone cant fit into any of my clothes, so I'm fat, I'm broke, and I have worryingly found I have recently started to sprout a nose hair, whats that all about.

But with out you lot to keep me sane and keep me focused, I would not be half as good as I am. I'm not embarrased to be in so much debt around you.

So from the bottom of my heart thank you so much one and all for just being you and being so lovely to one and other. Your kindness and compassion makes me cry, but in a good way. Who needs to spend £1000's on therapy just send everyone to MSE

Thank you You all rule :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j

southwester_2

What a nice post, welcome to the club!!

whitewing

Dear Icka, Like you I'm a lurker..reading the messages and rarely commenting. I just wanted to say keep being brave and confronting things, it will get easier and over time you will begin to forget how painful it all is now. I too think that the best thing about MSE is the total support from everybody; it stops me being a total wimp too! Take care, and look after yourselfxxx

tigtag02

These guys rock dont they :T :T

They are certainly keeping me on the straight and narrow.

If your wanting to lose weight DFW style then pop over to the Lenny v's the girls thread (its not all girls if your a boy too) and join us all in out quest.

Lotsa Luv
tigtag

Skint_Catt

:hello: Just wanted to say hi and welcome. :hello:

jo1972

Icka,

Welcome :wave:

We are/have been in the same boat and understand completely where you are coming from.

Why not post your SOA so that some of the more experienced DFW'ers can help you so that you can get a bit of money together to buy some nice new work clothes, hair do etc. I think you have low self esteem after what you have being going through and so I think a few new bits in the wardrobe and a new haircut will do you the power of good and give you some added confidence.

Well done on posting and good luck!

Jo.x

pania

what a lovely post and thankyou. No one here things your silly for not posting, many of us lurked for ages before getting the courage up to open our hearts and minds to people. Yes MSE is an amazing place to be. I've realised that so so many times now when i've cried for help or hugs and received it in abundance.

re the nail thing, use your boots points if you have any to get a french manicure kit. £4.99!!! takes a bit of practice but looks just as professional once you've got your eye in for a fraction of the cost!! And a suit looks good by the way you hold yourself, no matter how much it costs. i've seen people in £200 suits looking awful but in tescos suits looking great, Hold yourself with confidence nad that is worht more than any expensive suit in the world. xx

welldone for confronting the flat mate. yes it is scarey but you're working towards a goal and can't have people hold you back from that. If she's worth her salt she'll understand.

Shineyhappy

Big hellos to all the lurkers out there :j

I only lurked for about a week before I posted and am so glad I did. Posting and fessing up really does keep you on the straight and narrow as you never know when IA will post up a Sunday Confessions thread.

I have found this site soooo helpful, when I want to treat myself I always have in the back of my mind, what would (insert a dfws name here) do? Then I run away from the shop sharpish!

Keep posting and if you feel brave enough post your SOA and I am sure you will get loads of great advice.

Snaggles

Hiya :hello:

Your post was really lovely, please do carry on posting (lurking is fun but you haven't lived until you've been to our Saturday night parties lol!), and if there's anything we can do to help, post your soa and we'll be happy to have a look.

Love Snaggles xxx

immoral_angeluk

Hi and Welcome :grouphug: Thank you for the kind words about my hubby and baby K... I'm so glad you've found this forum a great help and that things are on the up.
Take care and hope to see you around more often now.

tealady

Hi Icka. Welcome to the best club in the world. If you want a decent haircut but can't aford salon prices contact your local hairdressing college (I never go anywhere else). OK it takes longer for the students to cut my hair but it look just as good as when I used to go to a salon. For clothes try ebay or go to an upmarket area of your local town and check out the charity shops.
I know what you mean about MSE being good therapy, if I wan't a laugh I just log onto the funny money bit of the site. Keep smiling, it suits you.