Divorcing a partner who works full time

handful

I've just found out my wife is having an affair and am obviously devestated and quite emotional at the moment having celebrated our 25th this year. As my thoughts turn to what feels like inevitable divorce I was wondering whether I could ask for some advice regarding likely settlements? In brief, we are joint owners of the house we live in and have equity of around £250 after our joint mortgage is repaid (assuming we sell up) Now I understand that this would be split 50:50 regardless of our respective incomes (I earn around 3x more than her) and similarly our pension pots would presumably be similarly split? We have 2 kids but they are now both grown up, the youngest is approaching 22 and in her final year at uni.

My real question is, would I be expected to pay any maintenance to my wife (ex) bearing in mind she has worked and full time for most of our marriage (and continues to), bar from having a spell part time when the kids were small? I think she would be the first to admit she isn't ambitious from a career point of view and has actually shied away from promotions and opportunities despite my encouragement. I have tried trawling for information but there seems to be a lot of conflicting advice.

We have very little in the way of savings, we have focussed all of our spare cash onto reducing our mortgage with overpayments and she is a bit of a shopoholic frittering away large sums on clothes shoes etc.

So, where do I stand do you think (obviously based on my completely impartial description of the scenario!)

19lottie82

I can't see it. Spousal maintenance is rare these days and generally only paid when one party hasn't worked for many years during the marriage. This isn't the case in your situation so I really doubt its a possibility.

McKneff

I can only agree with 19lottie82,

No chance of a reconciliation? What a shame after 25 years.

RAS

In divorce-speak, you do not really have any dependent children. If you are already paying support to your daughter, you would continue to do that until she leaves university, but direct to her.

JackRS has been posting here re his divorce (but does not a non-working spouse and dependent child). His nightmare is interim maintenance because he moved out of the house.

Please speak to a good divorce lawyer before you do anything and I recommend that you stay in the house even if in different rooms.

You might ask her to leave?

handful

McKneff wrote: »

I can only agree with 19lottie82,

No chance of a reconciliation? What a shame after 25 years.

It's early days but the way I'm feeling I think a reconciliation is highly unlikely....our relationship had it's issues over the years but the one solid foundation was trust and that is now gone unfortunately.

handful

RAS wrote: »

In divorce-speak, you do not really have any dependent children. If you are already paying support to your daughter, you would continue to do that until she leaves university, but direct to her.

JackRS has been posting here re his divorce (but does not a non-working spouse and dependent child). His nightmare is interim maintenance because he moved out of the house.

Please speak to a good divorce lawyer before you do anything and I recommend that you stay in the house even if in different rooms.

You might ask her to leave?

Thanks RAS, good advice!! One thing is for sure is I won't be moving out, much more likely I will forcibly eject her! We also have 2 dependant dogs which is another heartbreaking situation to have to deal with but hopefully not in the financial sense. What a nightmare.

DKLS

Agree to nothing, and get a good solicitor asap.

duchy

It is early days

Do you understand why she had an affair (and if it was a fling or more serious) and what was missing that she looked elsewhere ?

I know you're angry and hurt but sometimes understanding why you got to this point (eg do you work long hours, over the years not both devoted the attention to your marriage you should etc) can be the first step to forgiving each other (or at least understanding)....... it may not lead to reconciliation but can make divorce a lot more civilized and less expensive too.

marisco_2

handful wrote: »

Thanks RAS, good advice!! One thing is for sure is I won't be moving out, much more likely I will forcibly eject her!

You must be shocked and very hurt to have been betrayed by someone you love. I have been in that position myself and my sympathy and thoughts are with you. I hope you have the support of friends and family to help you through this difficult time OP.

In regard to the legal aspect of things you would be wise to talk everything through with a solicitor and take their advice. Once they get involved it can be very easy for things to turn nasty, but I hope for everyone's sake that yourself and your wife can find an amicable way to proceed. Baring this in mind I would strongly suggest not forcing her to leave your home or changing the locks. Legally she has every right to remain in the property.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

It is early days

Do you understand why she had an affair (and if it was a fling or more serious) and what was missing that she looked elsewhere ?

I don't think that's fair. An affair is a huge betrayal, and its always entirely a choice made by the person who cheats.

There's never any excuse or good reason no matter what the state of the marriage.

handful

marisco wrote: »

You must be shocked and very hurt to have been betrayed by someone you love. I have been in that position myself and my sympathy and thoughts are with you. I hope you have the support of friends and family to help you through this difficult time OP.

In regard to the legal aspect of things you would be wise to talk everything through with a solicitor and take their advice. Once they get involved it can be very easy for things to turn nasty, but I hope for everyone's sake that yourself and your wife can find an amicable way to proceed. Baring this in mind I would strongly suggest not forcing her to leave your home or changing the locks. Legally she has every right to remain in the property.

Thanks Marisco, kind words. I want things to stay amicable but not so sure it will remain that way but I guess you are right in that forcing her out won't do me any favours.