Restaurant bills with friends

w211

..(continuining my post, just to make it clearer)...

You will then get a bill each, listing what you each had. Usually, if a modern computer system can produce a bill for each table, then it can also produce a separate bill for each person at a specific table - as long as the waiter/waitress enters the order correctly (as there's two of you, it shouldn't be a problem).

Alternatively, you could go to a different type of restaurant, such as Nandos or GBK (not sure what sort of restaurants you go to with your friend), where you each go up to the counter and pay, before they bring you your food. Or a pub/restaurant such as Wetherspoons, where you go up to the bar and order yourself.

persa

I tend to match my friends, so a 50:50 bill is fair.

With one friend, I always end up drinking tap water and ordering from set menus. With another, I share a bottle and go à la carte. I find people like splitting a bill down the middle, so the trick is to have similarly priced food in a place that is affordable to the lower earning friend.

If you order roughly the same and yet end up with more of the bill despite not wanting to pay the bulk, you're probably eating in places your friend can't afford. Next time suggest somewhere cheaper, that definitely takes card. If still no joy - you're not dining with a friend after all.

paulineb_2

Ive been out for friends for a meal recently and it caused problems when a relative of one of the girls decided that we would all pay £20 each to cover a £73 quid meal, there were 5 of us. The main course itself was £4.95 each, we chose from a cheap menu they have before a certain time. My mum and I shared a bottle of wine and our share without tip was £27.

I thought it ridiculous being asked to pay £40 for a pizza each, a bottle of wine between us and I had a non alcoholic cocktail as well.

It did work out in the end, only after some discussion, but some people (not us) paid less than they had spent and didnt leave a tip, because it was assumed everyone had spent 16 quid each. Some people spent less, some people spent more.

I might add that the last time we went out minus the relative we didnt sit down and work out to the last penny who had what, we just divided by 4 but being told you need to pay more for no apparent reason is ridiculous and some people just dont get that you dont have a lot of money, I dont.

My mum has also happily paid for meals for everyone in the past, but how people manage to pluck a figure out of the air, say you are all paying that, regardless of whether people had 3 cocktails or 4 cocktails is beyond me.

I dont mind paying an extra couple of quid over and above what Ive had to save everyone sitting having to work out who owes what. But Ive been at nights out where the people sitting guzzling bottles of wine have paid much less of a share than the non drinkers, because someone decided when the bill came, it was being split equally

I go out with a meet up group regularly and we all just pay what we owe, and shove a couple of quid each in for a tip and that works out better.

If I had to pay everyone elses share every time I went for a meal, Id be going out a lot less.

building_with_lego

My parents have friends who will work out (to the penny :eek:) their share of the bill and, while my parents cough up their contribution, go on to work out how much each partner owes .

jalestine

PaulineB - I can totally relate to your scenarios. Good thing u spoke up during the £40 pizza meal! I am very much the lower earner with the friend I mentioned, yet this doesn't seem to figure at all. But irrespective of this, it seems to come down to ppl's attitude to money and what they expect of other ppl. She spends frivolously on herself in terms of 'luxury' things (nails done, etc.) - which is fine - her choice of course, but seems to have an expectation that others will cover bills when she's with them. It's particularly annoying to see her order, say, a £4 petri dish-sized bowl of olives, only to leave half becos she doesn't like 'the green ones'.

...Ppl have such different attitudes to money/wastefulness. Even tho' we have a lot in common in other respects, it's really hard to enjoy a day/evening together becos of this disparity. Btw, I don't consider myself a miser (lol); I just don't enjoy spending money in daft ways, esp. as it will take me time to earn it back. I really need to take control of these situations, so I think a Wetherspooons-style pay-at-the-counter venue will be the place I will push to go to, if we meet for dinner again, as W211 recommends.

jalestine

building_with_lego wrote: »

My parents have friends who will work out (to the penny :eek:) their share of the bill and, while my parents cough up their contribution, go on to work out how much each partner owes .

Lol. Yes, there is always the danger of looking ridiculous during a time when ur supposed to be having a fun leisurely time.

I think what adds to my awkwardness is having lived abroad for brief periods and seeing the native waiters' bemused expressions while the British diners fastidiously divided the bill . Also, this idea that British ppl are not generous or hospitable (my lecturer in St. Pete's kept quoting, 'An Englishman's home is his castle' - as tho' it meant we never invite each other round). But in partly trying to avoid reinforcing this view, I end up getting paying thru the nose, as they say. So, can't win.

persa

jalestine wrote: »

...Ppl have such different attitudes to money/wastefulness. Even tho' we have a lot in common in other respects, it's really hard to enjoy a day/evening together becos of this disparity. Btw, I don't consider myself a miser (lol); I just don't enjoy spending money in daft ways, esp. as it will take me time to earn it back. I really need to take control of these situations, so I think a Wetherspooons-style pay-at-the-counter venue will be the place I will push to go to, if we meet for dinner again, as W211 recommends.

Could you stop going for meals with her and still maintain the friendship? If you suggested meeting up between normal meal times, you would only have to buy coffees etc. Would that help with the resentment?

karren

I now meet up with friends for a cuppa in morning as its cheaper and I get more time with my family and there is no quibbling over the bill, but I work shifts so this arrangement always suits me

lisaf

jalestine wrote: »

Thanks so much for ur replies!
I will aim for W211's advice, but if i miss the opportunity at the start, or the restaurant won't do it, then I will follow dbullet's (and gunsandbanjo's re. the tip) - this may be easier for me actually, becos it doesn't require me to 'announce' anything, but just to put down my own money. Just make sure I have good amount of change in my wallet.

Also, make sure I add it up in my head, as FBR does. No, I don't like being a 'doormat'. As i said, more assertive ppl probs won't understand how s.o. can end up in these situations. I'm never the one, for instance, to end a conversation and, oddly, I walk the other person home/to the bus stop, from where I have to make my own way home alone (I'm not the host, or a man on a date). I don't look at my mobile when I meet with a friend, becos I'd feel rude, but other ppl do with me.
...It's like i can see the problem, but i can't do anything about it.
Doing things step-by-step may help tho', beginning with advice on here, so thank-u.

Hi Jalestine, your second paragraph could have been written by me!! I will always end up being dropped last/paying more etc (all through my own stupid choice) as though I'm not quite as important as them and that my needs don't matter:(
And I've actually put myself in that position so can only blame me!
My friends are lovely and generous but it's like I can't help it as I feel awkward and end up throwing in more than I should.
Now it's kind of become my job to be the organiser of the group and unless I sort them things just won't happen and I know that's not entirely their fault as I've allowed it and it's assumed I'll do it and I'm too blooming cowardly to say something!
I'm actually seeing my doctor tomorrow as I realise that this goes much deeper and I'm the way I am due to childhood issues (i think)! so the doc is a starting point for me.
Anyway sorry for the ramble but couldn't read and run and I really hope that you can sort this out with your friend x

jalestine

Thank-u so much for your reply, LisaF. You're seeing your doc about this aspect of your personality? That's really interesting, please let me know how you get on. I agree about tracing such traits back to childhood. I don't know whether your a fan of Freud/psychoanalysis, but I can imagine this type of thing relates to the id-ego-superego dynamic. That is to say, our superegos are too dominant, i.e. we repress our own personal wishes in favour of other people's/society's. I had a few members of my family pass away when I was a child and following that, I became painfully shy/submissive. It doesn't make obvious, logical, cause n effect sense, but I felt the transition in terms of my personality immediately. Perhaps you can think of a time when your personality took a turn?

I find myself obsessively thinking about the perspective of others, to the point where I wish I could only see the world thru my own eyes and to hell with everyone else (!). I try to remind myself that what I think others are thinking may not even be what they are thinking! ...But it doesn't stop me.

I sell some things on Amazon n Ebay and sometimes I make a loss becos I don't want the buyer to feel ripped-off. ...Pointless, I know!

If I'm walking in the street or in a public place and passers-by are nearing, I am so aware of it and start wondering whether I might be saying anything that could possibly offend or they could misinterpret. And I certainly cannot concentrate at work if I feel I am being watched - I start becoming more concerned that I 'look like' I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing, rather than just doing it!

Re. restaurants, I feel a great burden that I must look like I'm listening to every word the other person says, which distracts me from thinking about the bill fairly for myself. It's only when I get home, I get angry with myself for not being assertive.

Lots of ppl dismiss Freud's work nowadays, but I would love to see a psychotherapist, as I agree with u that it goes deeper, so the other types of counselling are not sufficient in my eyes. But it would be expensive. Freud was working during a time when there were great concerns about what others thought, e.g. things were deemed provocative, covering piano 'legs', etc. and bizarre things like that. But this aspect makes his work relevant to ppl who disallow their own feelings, I think.

Anyway, all the best to you and plz post a msg as to how u get on