Restaurant bills with friends

jalestine

Somehow I end up paying the bulk of the bill when I meet with a friend at a restaurant. It's my own fault for not being assertive, but I don't want to sour the evening by 'making an issue' of the bill. Unlike me, she orders food and drinks willy-nilly, so I feel ripped-off when we split the bill 50-50. On the other hand, the last time we met, we shared the food (mezze), but I ended up paying 2/3 becos she didn't have enough cash. She said she'd stop by the cash machine, but then had to rush for her bus home. As she lives further out from the town centre, I got the impression that becos she was more 'inconvenienced', my paying more somehow balanced things out. I just feel so annoyed with myself the following day. Has anyone been in this situation? Ppl who r very assertive will probably not understand how I wind up in this predicament, so I'd really appreciate hearing from those who have been in the same situation and how to deal with it vis-a-vis my bit-of-a-doormat personality, becos at this rate I prefer to stay home than meet with 'friends'!

w211

Restaurants with modern computer systems should be able to easily split the bill by what you order, just tell the waiter/waitress, when you order, that you'd each like to pay what you have, so they can enter it into the system.

dbullet

You don't have to stand up to the person if you really don't want to. I would recommend going with a good range of cash, grabbing the bill first then make a point of totalling yours then adding a tip of some sort and sticking that exact amount down. It is then implicitly understood she needs to cover the rest, via cash or card.

gunsandbanjos

dbullet wrote: »

You don't have to stand up to the person if you really don't want to. I would recommend going with a good range of cash, grabbing the bill first then make a point of totalling yours then adding a tip of some sort and sticking that exact amount down. It is then implicitly understood she needs to cover the rest, via cash or card.

I agree with all of this except add a tip after she has put her share in or if she's anything like I think she is then the waiter is the one who'll lose out as she'll just add enough to cover the bill!

I've seen it happen many times in hospitality, groups divvy up the bill each chucking in a little extra to cover service, last person just adds enough to cover the bill, meaning they get a cheap night and the W/W gets screwed.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If being a doormat as you put it is what you like then by all means carry on.

Next time she suggests eating out, perhaps say 'is this one on you after you forgot to bring enough money last time?'

To be honest, I either split the bill with my chums, or we take turns in paying. I don't have an issue with saying 'I've only had a bruschetta and coke, not the starter, main, a bottle of wine, 2 puddings and mine comes to x so if you need to pay on your card, no worries'.

I add up what I order in my head so that I know exactly how much I've spent. If the bill comes to 3 times that amount, I make sure I get out the amount that mine came to.

But there again, I've not had a problem for years in that respect.

markelock

why are you going out for meals with her in the first place?

jalestine

Thanks so much for ur replies!
I will aim for W211's advice, but if i miss the opportunity at the start, or the restaurant won't do it, then I will follow dbullet's (and gunsandbanjo's re. the tip) - this may be easier for me actually, becos it doesn't require me to 'announce' anything, but just to put down my own money. Just make sure I have good amount of change in my wallet.

Also, make sure I add it up in my head, as FBR does. No, I don't like being a 'doormat'. As i said, more assertive ppl probs won't understand how s.o. can end up in these situations. I'm never the one, for instance, to end a conversation and, oddly, I walk the other person home/to the bus stop, from where I have to make my own way home alone (I'm not the host, or a man on a date). I don't look at my mobile when I meet with a friend, becos I'd feel rude, but other ppl do with me.
...It's like i can see the problem, but i can't do anything about it.
Doing things step-by-step may help tho', beginning with advice on here, so thank-u.

thriftylass

We usually agree first if everybody is going for a starter or just main etc if it's a big group like with work knowing that everybody pays the same share and they spend should be equallish. But often I don't drink and you end up paying for someone's wine etc, which I think is unavoidable if it's a big group. At the end we take the bill, add ten percent (tip) and divide it up so that everybody pays a tip.

If I'm just with friends or one friend and there is a massive difference I say I ordered low because I didn't want to spend more and put my share plus tip on the table expecting my friend to cover his/her share plus tip. If they don't give a tip that's fine, I know I paid my share of it.

hgotsparkle

I have this problem sometimes, me and OH went out with another couple, the girl wanted to order a bottle of wine between me and her, and £20 for a bottle of jacobs creek rose is just ridiculous, so I said I'm not willing to pay £10 for my half of a bottle of wine that costs £5 in supermarkets, sorry no I'm having a coke (as I don't really drink anyway), I did get looked at as though I'm a bore but I'm the lowest earner in that group (not that any of them know that other than my OH).

Usually if out for a meal, I will pay by card as I don't tend to carry cash with me and I will tell the waiter first what I ordered and pay for just that on my card.
If I do happen to have cash, then say my share of food comes to £18, I will put down £20 and not worry about the rest.
Or like tomorrow for instance, I'm going out with a friend shopping and we will get some food at a place I have a voucher for buy 1 meal, get one free and I will pay that as she will be driving.

jalestine

hgotsparkle wrote: »

I have this problem sometimes, me and OH went out with another couple, the girl wanted to order a bottle of wine between me and her, and £20 for a bottle of jacobs creek rose is just ridiculous, so I said I'm not willing to pay £10 for my half of a bottle of wine that costs £5 in supermarkets, sorry no I'm having a coke (as I don't really drink anyway), I did get looked at as though I'm a bore but I'm the lowest earner in that group (not that any of them know that other than my OH).

Usually if out for a meal, I will pay by card as I don't tend to carry cash with me and I will tell the waiter first what I ordered and pay for just that on my card.
If I do happen to have cash, then say my share of food comes to £18, I will put down £20 and not worry about the rest.
Or like tomorrow for instance, I'm going out with a friend shopping and we will get some food at a place I have a voucher for buy 1 meal, get one free and I will pay that as she will be driving.

Yes, we spend time finding deals across supermarkets day-to-day, yet in restaurants/bars, it seems uncouth to question the prices. So illogical. Me too - I don't usually order alcoholic drinks and also I don't eat meat, so my portion of the bill is a lot less. Also, I don't tend to order starters, sides and coffees, etc.

jalestine

markelock wrote: »

why are you going out for meals with her in the first place?

Ye true. U know what, writing this I'm beginning to get more annoyed with myself. I have a problem with not being assertive, but really friends should be a bit considerate. I mean, I will try 'put my foot down', but if I have to be really harsh, then is it really a friendship? We talk a lot on the phone n have a lot in common, but when we meet up, I always feel like this.