Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

As for the school plans, I'm not sure whether I, or my wife for that matter, any longer have a say.

If that means what I think it means then you need to start learning some Spanish and start with cojones!!:rotfl:


You really do have to learn to say no to your parents. Of course you want to support them but that doesn't mean they have carte blanche to rule your life. It's not as if what you do pleases them anyway. You really should have prioritised your business meeting over running around to their house.

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

I think it's possibly that generation - a friend of mine has just had to set her parents straight that she won't be leaving her job, husband and home and moving in with them to become their full-time carer. They were astonished that she wouldn't and she was astonished that they devalued her career and her husband so much. Can you compromise by helping them but making it clear that business meetings are sacrosanct?

I'm glad it seems I'm not the only one. Well, I'm not glad for your friend but oddly pleased to hear my parents aren't unique in this respect. I know my parents are quite lonely at times which doesn't help the matter.

They are quite dismissive of my business as they consider it more a hobby of mine rather than a serious enterprise.

maman wrote: »

If that means what I think it means then you need to start learning some Spanish and start with cojones!!:rotfl:


You really do have to learn to say no to your parents. Of course you want to support them but that doesn't mean they have carte blanche to rule your life. It's not as if what you do pleases them anyway. You really should have prioritised your business meeting over running around to their house.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I'm glad you've managed to make me laugh about the school situation.

Unfortunately, if I say no to their requests, they drag the past up, tell me what an awful son I've been and that I must prove myself worthy of my inheritance. Only this last Sunday I'd promised my son we'd go on a long walk to find some signs of Spring but my father decided I would be rust proofing and undersealing his car instead. Initially, I said I would do it the week after but that wasn't good enough for him. After that I realise the only way to please them is to go along with their plans.

AlexLK

On the positive side with the finances, my savings are up to just over £4,500.

chevalier

Actually no the best way isn't to go along with them. They are behaving like children with no boundaries. Would you let little K slide with that sort of behaviour? Of course not you would and have I am sure set boundaries on his behaviour and expectations as any loving parent would.

At this point I would seriously be asking myself if the money is worth it. They run you ragged, give you no thanks, sabotage your business (because they don't like you doing anything independent). They have made their beds and should lie on them. You say they are lonely well who's fault is that? THEIRS. There are many activities designed for older people, from those to support their health, to those for giving back to the community. Take my mum - she is 79. She does yoga once a week, sings Gilbert and Sullivan, does the tea round in the hospital twice a week, and helps out in the woods too, keeping paths clear etc. And that is without going with my nephews and nieces to sporting events. She may be alone, but she isn't lonely. And she is giving back to the community.

I don't know whether it is their personalities that have driven friends away, or people dieing, but they don't have the right to have you constantly at their beck and call, hanging this wadge of money over your head. Now that you are on an even keel, you can take care of yourself and your family without their money. And you know what because I am a cynical person it wouldn't surprise me if you ran around after them until they pass away only to find that they have left their money and assets to the local dog pound 'because our son would be incapable of spending it wisely'.

Don't give into them. You also need to learn this Spanish word too coraje!
chev

tootallulah

Hi Alex, also you are only young once and the most important thing is to build a happy secure life for your own family by your own efforts that give you pleasure and are fulfilling for you. I really would assert some independence of activity and thought before it starts to affect Little K's life. You and your wife earn enough to live a secure and happy life, time to get on with it?

AlexLK

chevalier wrote: »

Actually no the best way isn't to go along with them. They are behaving like children with no boundaries. Would you let little K slide with that sort of behaviour? Of course not you would and have I am sure set boundaries on his behaviour and expectations as any loving parent would.

At this point I would seriously be asking myself if the money is worth it. They run you ragged, give you no thanks, sabotage your business (because they don't like you doing anything independent). They have made their beds and should lie on them. You say they are lonely well who's fault is that? THEIRS. There are many activities designed for older people, from those to support their health, to those for giving back to the community. Take my mum - she is 79. She does yoga once a week, sings Gilbert and Sullivan, does the tea round in the hospital twice a week, and helps out in the woods too, keeping paths clear etc. And that is without going with my nephews and nieces to sporting events. She may be alone, but she isn't lonely. And she is giving back to the community.

I don't know whether it is their personalities that have driven friends away, or people dieing, but they don't have the right to have you constantly at their beck and call, hanging this wadge of money over your head. Now that you are on an even keel, you can take care of yourself and your family without their money. And you know what because I am a cynical person it wouldn't surprise me if you ran around after them until they pass away only to find that they have left their money and assets to the local dog pound 'because our son would be incapable of spending it wisely'.

Don't give into them. You also need to learn this Spanish word too coraje!
chev

My parents find it hard to make friends because during their working life they spent just about every hour they could working. Even now, they struggle to relax. So far as the inheritance goes I have documentary evidence that it's not the case they are to "leave it to the dog pound". For reasons I do not wish to go into, the majority will come to me before either of them have passed. Besides, even if there were no money, they are still my parents and I do believe it is my duty to see they are alright.

That said, you are right in that they take things too far and I shouldn't be so accepting. Unfortunately, I really don't know how to deal with this one.

tootallulah wrote: »

Hi Alex, also you are only young once and the most important thing is to build a happy secure life for your own family by your own efforts that give you pleasure and are fulfilling for you. I really would assert some independence of activity and thought before it starts to affect Little K's life. You and your wife earn enough to live a secure and happy life, time to get on with it?

Tootallulah: Thank you. I can't say it seems I'm particularly young anymore but thanks anyway!

I do my best to take care of my family. It may not seem that way but I try to. What do you mean by it affecting my son's life?

AlexLK

Thursday 26th March, 2015.

Dear Diary,

This week so far has not been a particularly good one but I've managed to keep on top of work and put some money into the savings. Whilst I'm aware my total is not anything amazing by most standards, I'm rather proud of the fact I'm saving, so much so that the amount is somewhat secondary. My father apologised to me today, apparently he just wants for me to do well and be OK, though it did take me proving that I now try not to waste money.

Who else saw the Cameron and Miliband interview? I watched it live with my parents as I no longer have a TV. Therefore, it's the first bit of live television I've seen in quite a while. I thought Cameron performed well and didn't come across as nervous, though it seems popular opinion disagrees with me. My parents and I agreed that Paxman was awfully tough on him and his line of questioning was a little ridiculous in the first instance, covering somewhat trivial matters. Miliband did better than I thought he would, though still came across as being awkward. However, I can't say I have much time for his party and politics. Really quite excited for the next few weeks in politics now.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Who else saw the Cameron and Miliband interview? I watched it live with my parents as I no longer have a TV. Therefore, it's the first bit of live television I've seen in quite a while. I thought Cameron performed well and didn't come across as nervous, though it seems popular opinion disagrees with me. My parents and I agreed that Paxman was awfully tough on him and his line of questioning was a little ridiculous in the first instance, covering somewhat trivial matters. Miliband did better than I thought he would, though still came across as being awkward. However, I can't say I have much time for his party and politics. Really quite excited for the next few weeks in politics now.

I saw some of it. I'm afraid Cameron just irritates me and as usual I just wanted to slap him :rotfl:. Miliband came over much better than I expected - but he was starting from a very low expectation so hardly surprising . I liked the way he held his hands up to mistakes in their past (though he should have pointed out that when they were making changes to the financial system the Tories were saying they weren't going far enough :eek:). I'm glad you're excited Alex, can't say I share your enthusiasm. I've registered for a postal vote in the hope it will come through before I leave the country as I won't have time to sort out an overseas vote. However, I can't say the prospect of voting for any party, even leaving the personalities out of it, fills me with joy or hope .

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

I saw some of it. I'm afraid Cameron just irritates me and as usual I just wanted to slap him :rotfl:. Miliband came over much better than I expected - but he was starting from a very low expectation so hardly surprising . I liked the way he held his hands up to mistakes in their past (though he should have pointed out that when they were making changes to the financial system the Tories were saying they weren't going far enough :eek:). I'm glad you're excited Alex, can't say I share your enthusiasm. I've registered for a postal vote in the hope it will come through before I leave the country as I won't have time to sort out an overseas vote. However, I can't say the prospect of voting for any party, even leaving the personalities out of it, fills me with joy or hope .

What is it about Cameron that you don't like? I admit that I think he does himself no favours when he makes one of his "cast iron guarantees" to only realise they are, for whatever reason, unfeasible. I agree Miliband did better than I was expecting but I could not agree with his party of politics.

I thought you were in Spain at the moment?

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

What is it about Cameron that you don't like? I admit that I think he does himself no favours when he makes one of his "cast iron guarantees" to only realise they are, for whatever reason, unfeasible. I agree Miliband did better than I was expecting but I could not agree with his party of politics.

I thought you were in Spain at the moment?

I don't know, I have to read what he says to take it seriously.

Back a week Alex, keep up, but hoping to fit in another shortly .