Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

maman

Good to see you posting Alex and well done for staying on task however difficult.


When you say 'do something else' do you mean get a job? Surely it won't be long before you have big BTL responsibilities for your parents as well as your music and your furniture. Have you actually sat down with your parents and talked about any 'retirement' plans they may have? I'm assuming what you did recently was more cover for when they're in Spain.

AlexLK

Maman: Yes, every now and then I consider getting myself a "proper job". I suppose a part of it is that I'm curious about whether or not I have become completely unemployable as my wife suspects.

My parents and I aren't exactly on the best of terms at the moment. They are expecting me to manage their business and pay me a grand total sum of nothing. If I have to hear my father tell me once more how easy I have it and how much more difficult it was for him and how much I "should" be grateful to be in such a "privileged position" (of managing their affairs for nothing :rotfl:), I think I may just say something I'll come to regret. I can't and never have been able to speak to them on equal terms because they treat me like I'm still a little boy with no valid opinions, so whilst talking to them about their retirement plans would be a good idea, this is nigh on impossible.

... So much for a holiday next month.

tootallulah

Hi Alex, the holiday is a separate issue I would put that to one side if I was you.

If you occasionally "help" your parents with their affairs it is one thing but if it is becoming the equivalent of a part-time job that is very different. I must say it sounds a bit like your parents use their finances as a control thing with you, perhaps they should try and see what it would cost to get an employee to do what you do. And really it does seem to me you are more than capable of just saying "please don't dismiss my words without a proper consideration, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you".

AlexLK

tootallulah wrote: »

Hi Alex, the holiday is a separate issue I would put that to one side if I was you.

If you occasionally "help" your parents with their affairs it is one thing but if it is becoming the equivalent of a part-time job that is very different. I must say it sounds a bit like your parents use their finances as a control thing with you, perhaps they should try and see what it would cost to get an employee to do what you do. And really it does seem to me you are more than capable of just saying "please don't dismiss my words without a proper consideration, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you".

I agree the holiday is a separate issue but I cannot help but wonder why I decided it might be nice for my son and I to go to Spain with my parents in the first instance.

They are well aware that I've not exactly done well for myself. However, you are right in that it would cost them a lot of money to have somebody else do this.

Whilst I am more than capable of saying something and have done in the past which never ended well, I hardly see the point these days.

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

I agree the holiday is a separate issue but I cannot help but wonder why I decided it might be nice for my son and I to go to Spain with my parents in the first instance.

I think that might have been my suggestion that you go and see them while Mrs K was away, sorry!

It sounds like you and your parents might really benefit from a professional business mediator for a session or two to sort out the buy-to-let work between you. Do you think that's something they might agree to?

maman

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

I think that might have been my suggestion that you go and see them while Mrs K was away, sorry!

It sounds like you and your parents might really benefit from a professional business mediator for a session or two to sort out the buy-to-let work between you. Do you think that's something they might agree to?

I think I might have been guilty of persuading you to go too. Mainly so you didn't get left at home when MrsK absconded.


I was wondering whether when the subject of Little K going to school comes up you could say you'd be looking to work more hours. Perhaps if they think you'll be working for someone else it might start a conversation. I wouldn't have it on holiday when you're all under stuck one roof though!


Have you started thinking about packing yet? Little K might want to put a little rucksack together to take on the plane to keep him amused. If you have the time it's good to have a few little wrapped treats for him to open, nothing too expensive just things like pencils and stickers or whatever interests him. A pack of Happy Families!:eek: And will he use a camera to make a photographic record? Focus on giving Little K a good time so something positive comes out of it. Where in Spain are you going? Don't expect it's Benidorm.;):rotfl:

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

I think that might have been my suggestion that you go and see them while Mrs K was away, sorry!

It sounds like you and your parents might really benefit from a professional business mediator for a session or two to sort out the buy-to-let work between you. Do you think that's something they might agree to?

Thanks for that. Seriously, I was looking forward to it until recently.

As for business mediation, whilst it's a nice idea, my parents wouldn't agree to it. My mother hates the idea that sometime in the not too distant future she will not be able to manage things herself whilst my father can have a very over inflated sense of his own self worth and will do what he wishes regardless. He wants me to take over their affairs for no financial reward as he reckons I should learn to "appreciate" and be "grateful". I did ask if they would clear my mortgage by way of a payment for the work I will inevitably do for nothing over these coming years but that was only met with him dragging up the past.

maman wrote: »

I think I might have been guilty of persuading you to go too. Mainly so you didn't get left at home when MrsK absconded.

I was wondering whether when the subject of Little K going to school comes up you could say you'd be looking to work more hours. Perhaps if they think you'll be working for someone else it might start a conversation. I wouldn't have it on holiday when you're all under stuck one roof though!

Have you started thinking about packing yet? Little K might want to put a little rucksack together to take on the plane to keep him amused. If you have the time it's good to have a few little wrapped treats for him to open, nothing too expensive just things like pencils and stickers or whatever interests him. A pack of Happy Families!:eek: And will he use a camera to make a photographic record? Focus on giving Little K a good time so something positive comes out of it. Where in Spain are you going? Don't expect it's Benidorm.;):rotfl:

Ultimately, I cannot really shirk the responsibility and in the long run knowing how to manage this will be beneficial to me. It's just rather frustrating to be spending time that could be spent on my own business, running theirs for nothing. They expect me to change my own plans at last minute to run over to their house and deal with whatever issue they have, which isn't always anything to do with business at all.

As for the school plans, I'm not sure whether I, or my wife for that matter, any longer have a say.

Packing :rotfl:, that's for the night before. I have bought a few sticker books which my son loves but is only allowed as a treat, so I think he'll be entertained and we'll be documenting our trips as apparently we must "report our findings to Mummy" once returned.

No, we aren't going to Benidorm; my parents' apartment is in Marbella.

chevalier

Sorry to hear that you aren't having a great time with your parents at the moment. And the answer is just say no. Say you don't want to manage the properties, and if they are worried about doing so now they are older, they should sell the properties and put the money into nice safe investments that are managed by an Independent Financial Adviser who is paid to look after money. Cos that is basically what your parents are asking you to do, look after their money (that happens to be tied up in bricks and mortar) for nothing. Whilst I am NOT saying that you aren't capable, I don't think you SHOULD.
chev

AlexLK

chevalier wrote: »

Sorry to hear that you aren't having a great time with your parents at the moment. And the answer is just say no. Say you don't want to manage the properties, and if they are worried about doing so now they are older, they should sell the properties and put the money into nice safe investments that are managed by an Independent Financial Adviser who is paid to look after money. Cos that is basically what your parents are asking you to do, look after their money (that happens to be tied up in bricks and mortar) for nothing. Whilst I am NOT saying that you aren't capable, I don't think you SHOULD.
chev

My parents have other investments which is where the income from BTL goes as they don't need very much money for day to day living. It gets quite complicated. However, in the long term it will be better for me to go along with their plans. It's just frustrating that I'll be spending years earning nothing from this but putting a lot of effort into it because there's a lot to learn about.

To be honest, their expectation that I will drop everything to attend to them is what annoys me the most. A week or so ago I was forced to cancel a meeting with a customer because their issue was "worth more" and apparently I "won't be doing that in a few years".

cazmanian_minx

I think it's possibly that generation - a friend of mine has just had to set her parents straight that she won't be leaving her job, husband and home and moving in with them to become their full-time carer. They were astonished that she wouldn't and she was astonished that they devalued her career and her husband so much. Can you compromise by helping them but making it clear that business meetings are sacrosanct?