Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Mara: I do wish I could lay the past to rest but it seems to haunt me and even when I think I'm about to move on, somebody reminds me. As for finding new friends, I'd given up on that a while back.

Should I decide to "man up and stop being a doormat", she will go; I'd rather not end up alone. As for "goodness" and me, I'm not sure those two words should be in the same sentence.

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

maman: The money problems factor into it but it's more to do with the way I behaved in the past toward others. I am not a very "nice" person and have been awfully selfish many times over. These days I only live to not upset my wife and to not mess my son up even more than he will be having been brought up by me.

Alex - I think I know where you're coming from on this one as I went through a very similar thing at about the same age (I'm a bit older than you, but not by that much). Going through the private school system is a very sheltered existence - it has a whole set of rules and customs and even a language of its own (mufti, exeat, prep, beaks, fags etc.). You're taught to believe that you're superior to anyone who hasn't been brought up in the same manner and because you've been brought up not to question what your parents and your teachers tell you, you believe it. (Generic 'you' here, by the way!)

You then leave the education system and start mixing with 'normal' people and it's a complete culture shock. If you were anything like I was, this culture shock translates into arrogance. I was not a nice person in my 20s. I'd married the wrong person (from a lower social class - and no, it shouldn't have mattered, but our takes on life were so different that it did, because both of us considered the other an embarrassment in certain situations) and being unhappy only made the arrogance and selfishness worse.

When I was 30, I left him for Mr Minx and finally turned into a human being And I thought back to all the people I'd been rude to or about over the past 20 years and by the Gods, the guilt and remorse was horrendous. I suspect this is the point you might be at. Don't let it consume you. I actually contacted a few people via Facebook and apologised for past actions and you know what? Most of them didn't even remember.

Move forwards, Alex. Keep working to become a better, nicer, more rounded person and shed the bits of your make-up that you no longer want like an old snakeskin.

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx: Your first three paragraphs could have been written by me, apart from the relationships. I had a "mental breakdown" in my late twenties, partly triggered by my inability to cope in the "real world", still can't.

I wasn't a particularly nice person in school either to the kids I regarded as being "poor" for one reason or another. Now, I am facing being the father of a boy who may one day fall victim to somebody like me and it breaks my heart - to the point that I have very seriously considered him being home schooled.

Ali-OK

Just wanted to record a public thank you Alex, for your generosity in time, knowledge and kindness tonight in helping me with the sports car.

It is much appreciated and that came from the goodness with in you.

Thank you.

AlexLK

You are most welcome, Ali.

AlexLK

Thursday 17th April, 2014.

Dear Diary,

Another evening, another inarticulate diary entry from me.

Today has been a struggling to get motivated day, one filled with nothing much when I should have been getting on with work. Unfortunately, now it is late I am wide awake, bitterly disappointed with myself and the fact I have simply allowed myself to become bored with a day that could have been filled with productivity. Why do I waste my time like this, feeling as if I can hardly get out of bed during the day to only have my mind awakened just before bedtime?

On the positive side to the above, I have not been out of the house which means I have not so much as spent a penny.

Summary:
-£0.00 - NSD - for both of us.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hope you feel today is going better Alex


I must admit I often feel like that.


am determined to be more productive.


Take care XX

maddiemay

I am sure that it will be no consolation, but I too struggle with motivation, my time is my own and I faff around and achieve very little most days and then feel most unfulfilled, in my case a swift kick is required, but my OH is far too kind to administer the verbal equivalent, or indeed (thank goodness) a physical one:rotfl:

AlexLK

Today did not really go to plan, unfortunately. Another day doing not a lot. On the plus side, we've started clearing our garage out, more bits for cars we didn't even know we had.

buffy: Thanks. It's kind of reassuring to know not everybody is some kind of super efficient machine, sometimes it seems that way.

maddie: Not really much consolation but it's nice to know I'm not the only one who seems to struggle to find motivation. As for your OH "administering" such a "punishment", that really is none of my business.

AlexLK

Well after yesterday clearing out the garage, making some money seems to be on my mind today also and I'm making the most of the morning writing content for my business website before we go out this afternoon as planned.