Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK · 9 April 2014 at 10:18PM

smile24 wrote: »

Hi Alex only read the last few pages but just wanted to add life is really difficult at times, some horrible things happen. There are also some lovely positive things which are obviously what we try and strive for.

My aim is for my daughter to be equipped to handle the difficulties life throws at her to the best of her abilities so ultimately she is happy and well rounded. Therefore i don't want to shelter her from the realities of life i want to give her the skills to be able to overcome difficulties she may face.

I do feel the small all girls school i went to (which produced excellent results) sheltered me from the real world. I learned a lot of life lessons in a bigger sixth form at the local school and then at university.

Hi Smile,

I cannot say I manage to do being positive very well.

Unfortunately, I do not think I am well placed to give my son "the skills to overcome any difficulties he may face". I wish I could though.

theoretica wrote: »

I, and probably a lot of us, feel that wanting good things for your son is great. Where I divide from you is with the notion of 'the best'. There isn't a 'best' - there are lots of differents, some with more good points than others and some of which would suit one person better than others. Well, maybe there is a best if you consider every school in the world, but I don't think you are and it would be influenced by things like who joined the school after little K so pretty impossible to determine. We are arguing against your resistance to the idea that free education can be good. (Did you have to pay university fees?) And particularly that it is better for someone to have a private schooling at the expense of one parent's discontent. I also would question the assumption that your old schools will be the right, safe, choice - how have they changed since you were there?

:rotfl: No not considering every school in the world! More like every school within a 30 mile radius from home.

I did pay tuition fees for university, it was very cheap back then though as undergraduate study was mainly funded by the government and yes, the education I received was excellent. As for my old schools, they are still well regarded today so far as I can tell.

theoretica wrote: »

May I remind you that you do not need to pass your son over to his school lock stock and barrel? If you feel his school is emphasising something too much it is a parent's privilege to provide the balance, in whichever direction you feel he needs, wants or might enjoy. Any school will fall short of perfection for every single kid, though in different ways for each one, and you will get to tweak his upbringing as you feel it needs - whether this is learning car maintenance, how to carve a chicken or to love maths.

Thank you for the reminder.

As for "loving Maths"? LOVING and Maths should never be seen in the same sentence, well at least you didn't say "computing".

Mrs. K. believes I am far too "wound up" over providing my son with the absolute best childhood possible and very much of the belief nothing should be perfect.

paulineb_2 · 10 April 2014 at 8:43AM

AlexLK wrote: »

Ali: Thank you for your post.

No, unfortunately Mrs. K. and I are not on the same page.

I do not expect perfection but I do expect him to do his best and not to sit back and coast. As his father I am aware of his strengths and weaknesses - he is a musical child and therefore I would be disappointed if at the age of five he struggled to maintain a steady pulse whilst singing in an all ability school choir. However, there are a couple of things I know he struggles with and thus remains "behind" where he "should" be for his age. I always try to view these "weaknesses" sympathetically and do not berate as my parents would have. The difference is I am involved in his day to day life, my parents weren't.

Sit back and coast? He's what, 3 years old? I wonder if you have any idea what its like as a teacher to teach a mixed ability class of primary school kids. Or have kids in your class who need extra support in some areas? I'm not a teacher, but 3 of my family are/were (my uncle is dead now). A close relative has been teaching for 40 years. In state schools both primary and secondary. She was educated at a state school, so was my uncle. She sat O levels at 15, a year early, in fact they were allowed to bypass some because the grades she and my uncle and other people were predicted to get at Scottish Higher, the school were of the view there was little point in sitting them and they were allowed to bypass them and go straight to Higher.

I went to a very ordinary primary and secondary school. I did very well at primary school, I was top or almost top of my class every year and I was dux of my primary school. I could have done much better at secondary school, there was nothing wrong with my academic abilities, I just didnt have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. As do many other people at 14. I dont come from a family of people who expected great things of me. I come from a family of people who encouraged me and supported me, including through failing a couple of exams. Wasnt the end of the world for them, nor me. Im sure they had the confidence in me that Id find my own way in the world. I left secondary school with 4 Highers and 8 O'Grades, I'm pretty sure my brother left with the same. We both have degrees, I have two post grads as well. I went back and did another 3 Highers at another local secondary school when I was around 19, just to give me more options in the future. I did 3 Highers that I hadnt done the O grade previously and managed to get 3 B grades.

I formed good friendships at my local high school. I played in the school band, learned how to play a couple of musical instruments. Went abroad a few times with the school band to our twin town.
I think if a child is intelligent enough and motivated, they'll do well no matter where they go. Im also of the view that every child has their talents. The close relative of mine who is a teacher believes that schools in the UK should be closer to the German system where less academic kids leave with technical and vocational skills.
You dont know at 3 years of age what your child is or isn't going to be good at.

And dare I say it. Going along to a nativity play where someone sang out of tune? Some kids cant sing. Why should it only be talented kids who get a chance to go up and sing. A family friend of mine has kids who go to one of the local state schools. They have much older brothers and sisters who were educated privately, the son is very talented. Hes musical, hes arty, hes sporty. He and his sister go to a lot of clubs outwith school. But hes a grounded child and he's not all look at me. He could be with the talent he has. But hes also a kid. I think its really important that kids are allowed to be kids, because my experience of knowing kids who were pushed really hard by their parents and I know a few, is that they were miserable and a few rebelled quite strongly in their teens.

As to the comments about the parents who attended this nativity play. Im not sure if you mean that they were common. But some people do fit that stereotype. People are who they are. Some people themselves wont have had a great start in life I bet and perhaps didnt have the education they might have. I wouldnt call myself common, but Id refer to myself as working class certainly.

I see the work my relative has done over a long period. To encourage kids who are struggling. Shes tutored kids in languages (shes also a qualified languages teacher), without taking a penny. She has a special ability for bringing out the best in kids who need assistance. If people want to write off state schools for their own reasons, fine. But there are teachers all over the UK who work in state schools who do their best for every kid that is in their class.

My concerns about your views would be

1 Your partner clearly has different views
2 You can't afford it (but obviously have parents who will pay the fees). Im not sure that just because kids stand to inherit money at a later date that grandparents should be very involved in major decisions about their lives
3 Judging a school on one nativity play, well, maybe that says more about you than it does about the school. Judging parents. The same.

Also, your son being behind in certain things are not "weaknesses". He's a child, he will be better at some things than others. He will probably be better at some things than others until the day he dies.
There are some kids in schools who will excel in subjects like maths and be weaker in English for example. I was good at English but I struggled more in maths. I have my Higher Maths, but it didnt come easy to me. Some people I went to school with who were intelligent excelled at everything they did. But out of a year of maybe 120 of us, Id say those people made up about 10.

There are things Im good at now that I wasnt at primary or secondary school. I wasnt sporty then, not at all. I wasnt into competition. Im not sure Id call myself sporty now, but my career is in fitness and Ive run a few 10ks, half marathon, Im training for my second triathlon. Some people who knew me then would be amazed. But the thing is, sometimes if something isnt fun, you wont bother much about it. Sport wasnt fun to me at school.

It's important that your child has fun along the way. I also think given your own experiences as a child, you perhaps havent stepped back and realised that you are more in danger of those experiences being repeated by allowing your parents to pay for his private education than you think. And if your partner really is not happy, her views should be taken into account as well. To say she knew your views when she entered into your life, well, if the options are its my way or no way. I personally wouldnt be happy with that at all.

7roland8 · 10 April 2014 at 10:12AM

Just to say re the plays etc - at our sons primary school no matter what age or ability the child EVERYONE was taking part - not the best ones singled out - so they all gained confidence in performing and were able to stand up on stage without being too nervous.
I think that was a great idea as often its only the best singers etc that get picked.
It may not have been a record breaking performance (though we all enjoyed them) but the value to the children was much more.

AlexLK · 10 April 2014 at 8:10PM

Dear Diary,

Thank you for all your input and for sharing your own experiences, I have been given lots to consider and also had some time to think about why I wish for my son to attend an independent school. Although today I have been mostly spending a lot of money on things that will turn into more money and becoming drawn into watching the Oscar Pistorius trial. For your information, I think he's as guilty as sin, nor did I even know who he was before the crime was committed.

On the debt busting front, I have finally made a couple of payments and finally owe less than £10,000. However, I still am looking forward to the whole debt becoming a grand total of £0 and would still like to continue to live a debt free lifestyle - don't really want to have to sell any more of my things! The fact we still owe so much on our home also concerns me, though unless Mrs. K. comes on board I am aware there is very little I can do about that.

Summary:
Can't remember the last time I did this so I'll just update for today.
+£30.00 Music Teaching.
-£20.00 Groceries.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

AlexLK · 10 April 2014 at 8:19PM

pauline: Thank you for such an insightful post. Perhaps, my reaction does say more about me than the school, at times I am not the most tolerant of individuals.

All I want is for my boy to be happy, I know that is a rather cliched thing to say but as somebody who has been very miserable for most of my life, providing the very best for my son to not become like me is very important.

roland: Thank you.

I understand this. My main issue with this particular performance was the fact it had clearly not been well rehearsed; moving away from out of tune singing, it seemed the children (and teachers!) didn't know what they were doing, where they should be standing when etc.