Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AmyandArthur

Evening Alex! Guilt? Nah ... everybody's problems are relative to their own personal circumstances. Of course you can empathise and sympathise with others' problems, but you are entitled to be !!!!ed off about your own issues. You have debt to sort out, own it, dont excuse yourself from it because someone else has a bigger one . I am overweight, but I see folk on TV twice my size. Doesnt stop me sticking to my diet and being cross for being a porker.

Oh, and I second the hail of success on leaving so e wine for tomorrow. That is some impressive willpower. If only you could apply it to cold hard spending, and me vice versa, if only I could apply my financial thriftyness to the contemts of the fridge

fc123

The List of Positives.

• You have high value skills (in monetary terms).

• Lot's of people can play an instrument, but not many can teach and engage a child to learn.

• Mrs K has a regular PAYE salary so budgeting is more straightforward as only part of the household income is variable.

• You have high value stuff that you don't 'need' that you can sell for good money straightaway.

• You have supportive parents nearby who are happy to help with your son.

• Though your debt feel gigantic, it's not too bad in relation to the income coming in. I have seen worse and been in worse myself

• The depression + anxiety is something that you are aware of and that is the first step. Getting some pro help and being receptive to it is the next.

• Your marriage comes over as very strong.

There are more but try to concentrate on the good things in your life.

When Mrs K goes back to work F/T you are going to have to maybe organise your week a bit differently as you will have to divvy it up between running the household (not running out of milk/loo roll, having dinner done etc), running the furniture biz and the music lessons.

I would allocate days for music lessons (I am guessing they run after school)...maybe 2? Then dedicate time to visit clients and go buying. How does that work at the moment with childcare?

Maybe if you have regular childcare time with Grandparents and day nursery, you can fit everything in and also know what your schedule is.

Batch cooking is the secret to having home made meals 'on tap' so after a busy day and you arrive home starving you have something already prepared in the fridge or freezer. The snag with batch cooking is you need an afternoon to make it all.

The biggest stress I found I had years ago was that my weekends were just full up of shopping/laundry/cleaning as I worked FT all week. Online shopping for the basics, farm shop delivery for the veg/meat can save a load of time.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

As for the wine it has both been savoured and saved, looking forward to the other half tomorrow evening

I've tried really hard to see things from your point of view Alex. I struggled through the pens and watches, clothes and cars. But you've lost me on that one .

Seriously, well done on your progress this week, you've put down good foundations for the future :T.

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

I didn't say anything awful to him, I just made myself look a complete fool.:mad:

Thank you for all your advice thus far.

Will watch "The Call Centre" on repeat. Advice re. dealing with the banks / collection agencies duly noted. Hopefully, we are on our way to making our first payment. Another improvement over last week as I was honestly hoping somebody on here would tell me not to worry and just to carry on ignoring it all.

Well, it's not as highbrow as Towie (;)) and I don't suggest it as a great hour of entertainment....you may only survive 10 mins but 10 mins of Series 1, episode 4 should make you see that DCA staff are there to earn their wage, meet their targets and are not evil demons out to 'get' you....just people doing a job. If you visualise a couple of them as the man or woman you are speaking to, it may calm you a bit too. Like when in an interview you visualise the interviewees as naked.......

AlexLK

AmyandArthur wrote: »

Evening Alex! Guilt? Nah ... everybody's problems are relative to their own personal circumstances. Of course you can empathise and sympathise with others' problems, but you are entitled to be !!!!ed off about your own issues. You have debt to sort out, own it, dont excuse yourself from it because someone else has a bigger one . I am overweight, but I see folk on TV twice my size. Doesnt stop me sticking to my diet and being cross for being a porker.

Oh, and I second the hail of success on leaving so e wine for tomorrow. That is some impressive willpower. If only you could apply it to cold hard spending, and me vice versa, if only I could apply my financial thriftyness to the contemts of the fridge

Your posts are brilliant and help me to see some things in a completely different way than I could have ever thought before!

fc123 wrote: »

The List of Positives.

• You have high value skills (in monetary terms).

• Lot's of people can play an instrument, but not many can teach and engage a child to learn.

• Mrs K has a regular PAYE salary so budgeting is more straightforward as only part of the household income is variable.

• You have high value stuff that you don't 'need' that you can sell for good money straightaway.

• You have supportive parents nearby who are happy to help with your son.

• Though your debt feel gigantic, it's not too bad in relation to the income coming in. I have seen worse and been in worse myself

• The depression + anxiety is something that you are aware of and that is the first step. Getting some pro help and being receptive to it is the next.

• Your marriage comes over as very strong.

There are more but try to concentrate on the good things in your life.

When Mrs K goes back to work F/T you are going to have to maybe organise your week a bit differently as you will have to divvy it up between running the household (not running out of milk/loo roll, having dinner done etc), running the furniture biz and the music lessons.

I would allocate days for music lessons (I am guessing they run after school)...maybe 2? Then dedicate time to visit clients and go buying. How does that work at the moment with childcare?

Maybe if you have regular childcare time with Grandparents and day nursery, you can fit everything in and also know what your schedule is.

Batch cooking is the secret to having home made meals 'on tap' so after a busy day and you arrive home starving you have something already prepared in the fridge or freezer. The snag with batch cooking is you need an afternoon to make it all.

The biggest stress I found I had years ago was that my weekends were just full up of shopping/laundry/cleaning as I worked FT all week. Online shopping for the basics, farm shop delivery for the veg/meat can save a load of time.

Thank you so much

I did laugh at the "your marriage comes across as very strong", as did Mrs. K. ... she reckons she's the only one who would put up with me and I the only one who could put up with her. She's been making a "wish list" of things to do on our holiday free year next year and it reads like some 17 year old boys fantasy, including: Buy another E30. BTCC at Donnington, Donnington Historic, Silverstone Classic, a weekend with her "BMW friends" ... yeah, well you get the idea, LOL.

As for my week in regards to work, childcare, other work; it is currently A JOKE with NO structure whatsoever. I do have to admit, our son does often get taken to grandparents at the last minute and they are getting a little fed up of it now if truth be told as they don't know if they are "coming or going" and as I've said previously my father is 77 now.

gallygirl wrote: »

I've tried really hard to see things from your point of view Alex. I struggled through the pens and watches, clothes and cars. But you've lost me on that one .

Seriously, well done on your progress this week, you've put down good foundations for the future :T.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::D Allow me to explain; Mrs. K and I keep to the budget aaaaand I get wine two days per week, it is called applying a littleself restraint, my dear. :beer:

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Well, it's not as highbrow as Towie (;)) and I don't suggest it as a great hour of entertainment....you may only survive 10 mins but 10 mins of Series 1, episode 4 should make you see that DCA staff are there to earn their wage, meet their targets and are not evil demons out to 'get' you....just people doing a job. If you visualise a couple of them as the man or woman you are speaking to, it may calm you a bit too. Like when in an interview you visualise the interviewees as naked.......

Towie, LOL. My wife watches that, which is probably why she is NOT keen to go to my parents apartment in Marbella on holiday. Yes, her only fault is a penchant for tacky television.

Every time the parents go on holiday now, she winds them up awfully.:rotfl:

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

I did laugh at the "your marriage comes across as very strong", as did Mrs. K. ... she reckons she's the only one who would put up with me and I the only one who could put up with her. She's been making a "wish list" of things to do on our holiday free year next year and it reads like some 17 year old boys fantasy, including: Buy another E30. BTCC at Donnington, Donnington Historic, Silverstone Classic, a weekend with her "BMW friends" ... yeah, well you get the idea, LOL.

As for my week in regards to work, childcare, other work; it is currently A JOKE with NO structure whatsoever. I do have to admit, our son does often get taken to grandparents at the last minute and they are getting a little fed up of it now if truth be told as they don't know if they are "coming or going" and as I've said previously my father is 77 now.


. :beer:

Seems strong to me. If you 2 can work through this, you can work through anything as there is a whole life ahead of you both

We have managed 27 years and the struggle to work our way out of a concrete high rise (as in the olden days you didn't get tax credits and stuff but you could get a hard to let council place) ......it was the estate featured in the film Nil By Mouth.....was hard.
Our son was 3 by the time we managed to save for a house deposit and give it back to the council....and this was 1989 and said derelict house then proceeded to go down in value for the next 6 years as interest rates rose sky high....so clobbering our plan to renovate as the mortgage payments gobbled up every penny we earnt.


I come from a very academic family and OH comes from a true grit working class family and it took many years for him to be accepted as the great guy that he is by some of my older family members....likewise, some of his family thought I was 'Posh' so it took me a while to be accepted by them.

His Dad never really accepted him working with me in a fashion business.....it was a large vintage clothing business for the 1st 13 years until 2000.
Whilst he re-trained as a carpenter in his 30's so we could try to get a 2nd, more stable income (that, in the end, didn't work as it was a big contract that dinged him for 50k) his Dad was always asking when he was going to get a 'proper job' . :rotfl:

It's even less of a 'proper job' now as he only helps us out the odd day as he is renovating our main family home and a holiday home we bought recently.

The family home is finally having the work done to it that we wanted to do when we bought her in 1996...so things do come good in the end Mr + Mrs K.....just sometimes can take longer than planned......like 17 years in our case.;)

fc123

gosh, don't want to sound flash about 'holiday home'....but I do have to add to the thread that when we paid down our debt we got so used to allocating ££ to it so that income didn't exist...and then we saved it instead.
We didn't return to the ' must go out for dinner we deserve it' ways and I kept nearly all of our old MSE debt busting habits as they became...well normal after a while and I didn't feel life was any 'poorer' for them either. To be fair we lived like that for the 1st 10 years of married life anyway...we just forgot.

The result was that earlier this year we had to make a choice as we had saved enough to pay off most of the mortgage or 'invest' it for retirement as we have no pension at all.

As the mortgage is 0.99%, we bought a house outright to renovate in a seaside town to let out as holiday let/personal use. The slight snag is that we don't have a single penny to renovate it yet so she is locked up but if we had waited until next year she would have gone out of budget.
It's not relevant to the thread but if I go on about a moneysaving top tip it's because we are allocating ££ to something as well.......it becomes a habit

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

T**ie, LOL. My wife watches that, which is probably why she is NOT keen to go to my parents apartment in Marbella on holiday. Yes, her only fault is a penchant for tacky television.

Every time the parents go on holiday now, she winds them up awfully.:rotfl:

Can't say too much but we know some of the T****s well.
One did a promo for us last year and they have worn a lot of our product in the past.

Nice bunch on the whole who got very, very lucky Our accountant advises a few of them and is really trying hard to get them to be 'sensible'.

Marbella sounds OK for a holiday if it's free....your parents don't sound the type to have anything 'tacky' either. I know we have stockists in Marbella and one of my agents has a place out there but I have never been. If it was a freebie in the sun I would go and check it out.....there must be some lovely places all along the coastline to visit.

AlexLK

fc123: You (and your husband) have had a varied life, wow. Sometimes I do think I ought to get out more instead of staying within the rather sheltered world I am comfortable in.

I know I expect too much: my parents had me very late (father was 45 and mother 39) and often say they could not have provided me with half the things they did had they been younger. However, I continually to punish myself for my first career not working out and every mistake since, despite everybody telling me not everything has to work out first time.

Perhaps, this start to a new way of life should also try to incorporate less dwelling on the past and more looking to the future.