Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Glad I'm not the only one, you made my wife laugh when I showed her what you'd put; she's said the same thing to me before that "I'll only be cheating myself" (about other things).

Anyhow, it's got too late for wine, I'm now craving a glass of the stronger stuff. However, I'm not going to give in and instead try to go to bed in three quarters of an hour with Mrs. K. .... who knows I might just get lucky? :rotfl:

Momomo_2

Hi AlexLK,

Interestingly after reading your story in the other thread I spotted an article today which looks at marriage and finances.

It's on a site called Get Rich Slowly and the article is called Couples and Money: Lessons from the Queen of Versailles.

It's an interesting look on how to deal with finances in a marriage. It takes the example of a couple living way beyond their means (but who are actually very very wealthy) and how this creates a strain on their marriage because they're not on the same page. I'm glad to hear that you're both united in your effort to rid yourselves of the debt and I hope that reading this will help keep you motivated.

Orange_Ena

Damn you've got me craving now. Not wine. But Pharrell Williams singing Get Lucky to me......in a private room somewhere :rotfl::o

AlexLK

I will certainly have a look at that, thank you.

Orange Ena: I've always been a bad influence. :rotfl:

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

Now is maybe the time to confess my wife "banned" me from getting involved with the clubs. There are a few Dads involved as we have a very lot of self employed people live in the area.

How come? Having a social network is really helpful when at home with a toddler. You don't have to be buddies with the other parents but, if your son connects with another kid, then you just kind of have superficial chat with them.

I was the same age as you when our son was 2 and we were clueless.....I think it took about 2 years just to get over 'Babyshock' and adapat to being a parent. There is so much parenting advice and, just like the money advice found on MSE, you pick and choose from it and use what works for you.

The best tip I had was to divvy up the day into rough chunks and keep to a similar routine.

Part of the day is out and about active whether that's going shopping followed by park, swimming lessons then more park, maybe just lots of park/walking, meet up with other kids....get the idea ?

They are then physically worn out so come home, have lunch and snooze for a while. Bit of playtime together and/or they help you around the house with chores....or they play solo whilst you get on with something.
A small period of the day where they are almost 'ignored' by you is a good thing as they can just amuse themselves with whatever they choose to play with. Apparently it encourages creativity. Obviously you are 'there' doing whatever but you can't be their entertainment 24/7.

Do you have a council owned pool? They have all sorts of activities at those places including swimming lessons and not too expensive.

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm not, sometimes I feel the same way about myself.



Sorry to hear this It does go to show the risks one takes in business, I hope things are better now?



I live in a rural village and the local state primary has 45 children aged 4-11, it certainly would be interesting to hear your opinion re. schooling.

Awww don't feel that way....is your sister the same with you?

Our business is fine now. You can't run a design led/ creative business for 28 years without some big downs (and ups)....but we got credit crunched and turned out to be best career move ever. Out of bad things come good things and the saying 'In the face of adversity, one never knows how much you can achieve' was very very true
Had a lucky break, ran with it and making the most of this moment. Been very hard work but what isn't?

Don't know if you have ever read 'Outliers' by Malcolm Gladwell......but it is the theory of 10,000 hours and there is no such thing as an overnight sensation. Usually there are years of graft behind it.
Kind of happened to us and we turned over several million in the past 5 years. It is unlikely to last in it's current guise (as fashion is a fickle, transient thing) but we have prepped for it ending....sort of.
PS; That turnover figure is not profit we make about 12 - 15% profit after tax.

LannieDuck wrote: »

I believe things take 6 years to fall off your credit record, but I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will advise.

There are ways you can do a free (or cheap) credit check and find out what's actually on your credit record. I think there's a page on this site that tells you how. Again, hopefully someone else may know more...

Took us about 3 years. I only found this out as our bank keep trying to lend us money (ironic as we don't want to borrow any) but we applied for a company CC to use online (rather than the debit card) and thought they would say no. OH's score came up clear and we wanted a £1000 limit...and they put 8k on it. Annoying as the whole point is to prevent someone doing a fraud spend on it.

I then got my Experian report and called them about BTL mortgages, said when the default was and they said it was fine as they allowed 3 years only.



I wrote a post about CC last night and lost it.........but see you have written to the 2 with DCA's. DO NOT say you have cash to pay them off.

I will do a separate post tonight or tomo am on how we dealt with them plus what I helped my brother with.

fc123

oops thought you were 26...and you are 32.

So wasn't the same age as you when son was 2.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

How come? Having a social network is really helpful when at home with a toddler. You don't have to be buddies with the other parents but, if your son connects with another kid, then you just kind of have superficial chat with them.

I was the same age as you when our son was 2 and we were clueless.....I think it took about 2 years just to get over 'Babyshock' and adapat to being a parent. There is so much parenting advice and, just like the money advice found on MSE, you pick and choose from it and use what works for you.

The best tip I had was to divvy up the day into rough chunks and keep to a similar routine.

Part of the day is out and about active whether that's going shopping followed by park, swimming lessons then more park, maybe just lots of park/walking, meet up with other kids....get the idea ?

They are then physically worn out so come home, have lunch and snooze for a while. Bit of playtime together and/or they help you around the house with chores....or they play solo whilst you get on with something.
A small period of the day where they are almost 'ignored' by you is a good thing as they can just amuse themselves with whatever they choose to play with. Apparently it encourages creativity. Obviously you are 'there' doing whatever but you can't be their entertainment 24/7.

Do you have a council owned pool? They have all sorts of activities at those places including swimming lessons and not too expensive.

OK, you are probably going to laugh at this but when our son was very young (under 1 year) it was a big deal to Mrs. K.: basically she said there was too much 'eye candy' there for me and she was worried I would 'find someone else'.

For a long time she felt rather down about her appearance after she had our son and was convinced that I was going to have an affair, which was something I got offended by as I've never even considered it but she considers me to have a 'roving eye' and to 'enjoy flirting' with other women to the point of her hating me having any female friends. Anyhow, I don't really want to bring the topic up of me taking him to playgroups in case this starts again.

Admitted, during those first few months I was perhaps not there enough for her as I still had my own issues and was finding being a new parent just brought back similar emotions to those I had just before I attempted suicide.

We are both first time parents (Mrs. K. is a year younger than I) and probably a bit clueless if both of us are honest. Yes, we're guilty of throwing money at the "problem" and today was probably the first time I'd said and meant "no", Mrs. K. is the strict one!

He is aware that we aren't his "entertainment" 24/7 as I'm often working around him when the wife is at work. My parents spoil him no matter what and I know they always will do (they spoiled me too). However, I know their reasoning.

We have a pool in the town with the supermarket and we've been meaning to take him for a while. In fact, you have rejogged my memory about this.

We really are trying our absolute best with him, whether it is good enough is yet to be seen!

fc123 wrote: »

Awww don't feel that way....is your sister the same with you?

Our business is fine now. You can't run a design led/ creative business for 28 years without some big downs (and ups)....but we got credit crunched and turned out to be best career move ever. Out of bad things come good things and the saying 'In the face of adversity, one never knows how much you can achieve' was very very true
Had a lucky break, ran with it and making the most of this moment. Been very hard work but what isn't?

Don't know if you have ever read 'Outliers' by Malcolm Gladwell......but it is the theory of 10,000 hours and there is no such thing as an overnight sensation. Usually there are years of graft behind it.
Kind of happened to us and we turned over several million in the past 5 years. It is unlikely to last in it's current guise (as fashion is a fickle, transient thing) but we have prepped for it ending....sort of.
PS; That turnover figure is not profit we make about 12 - 15% profit after tax.

Not my sister! I'm an only child, she's Mrs. K.'s sister. She and I manage a civil conversation but not much else for she's another one that deems Mrs. K. out of my league. Ironically, they never had a problem before things started getting difficult.

Well done on the business. I know what you mean in regard to design based / creative businesses, that is essentially what I am doing these days too.

I have not read the book BUT I know of and understand a little of the theory, it is constantly banded about in the world of classical music.

fc123 wrote: »

Took us about 3 years. I only found this out as our bank keep trying to lend us money (ironic as we don't want to borrow any) but we applied for a company CC to use online (rather than the debit card) and thought they would say no. OH's score came up clear and we wanted a £1000 limit...and they put 8k on it. Annoying as the whole point is to prevent someone doing a fraud spend on it.

I then got my Experian report and called them about BTL mortgages, said when the default was and they said it was fine as they allowed 3 years only.

Thank you for the advice. I'm not looking to get myself in more debt over silly things but do see a move into BTLs on the horizon. A lot of the reason I got in trouble with the CCs was the bank giving me high limits which only encouraged me, though I can only blame myself for racking up the actual debt.

fc123 wrote: »

I wrote a post about CC last night and lost it.........but see you have written to the 2 with DCA's. DO NOT say you have cash to pay them off.

I will do a separate post tonight or tomo am on how we dealt with them plus what I helped my brother with.

I have started to draft a letter, not sent it yet! The advice is most welcome, thank you in advance.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

oops thought you were 26...and you are 32.

So wasn't the same age as you when son was 2.

Yes, I'm 32, not 26.

ETA: Didn't even have a mortgage at 26, never mind a two year old.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

However, I'm not going to give in and instead try to go to bed in three quarters of an hour with Mrs. K. .... who knows I might just get lucky? :rotfl:

Why - does she have wine up there .

AlexLK wrote: »

We are both first time parents (Mrs. K. is a year younger than I) and probably a bit clueless if both of us are honest. Yes, we're guilty of throwing money at the "problem" and today was probably the first time I'd said and meant "no", Mrs. K. is the strict one!

That's what you need to do - break their spirit when they're young .

I think you need to have words with Mrs K - the weekend starts tomorrow night so surely Friday night should be wine o'clock :T.

LannieDuck

Have a look at your local sure start centres (you should be able to link from your local council's website) and see if any of them do 'Dad's sessions'. Two of the centres near me do them - one is once a month on a saturday, and the other is every thurs morning. However, I'm in London so we may have more choice here.

I bet your son would love to play with kids his own age, and it might be good for you to get to know some other male carers in the area. I keep trying to convince my OH to go (he's a SAHD), but he's happy socialising with the SAHM's from our NCT group, which is fine with me.