Advice to best friend

Errata

Those with absolute trust in their partners assume nothing and mention the problem in case it's a technical one.
Those who mistrust their partners assume the worst.
That's the sum total of it.

bluenoseam

She sounds like she's very insecure & well, she couldn't be any clingier if she tried.

FBaby

Phones do strange things. It has happened quite a number of time that I have called my partner and he has said it hadn't rung, and indeed, when he checked his mobile, there was indeed no log for my call. There have also been times when my phone has rang with his name coming up, when I pick it up, I can hear the background noises but he is not responding, and when I told him and we looked, my phone clearly logged his call, his doesn't.

I know for as certain as I can be that he is not up to no good.

shoppinglover

Hi

Thanks for the replies, so does anyone know if a phone is not switched off and you're just in a bad signal area would you just get the "this phone is switched off" message meaning the phone was switched off or "we are unable to connect your call" meaning the phone is switched on but signal is so bad it won't connect?

Thanks

FBaby

we are unable to connect your call" meaning the phone is switched on but signal is so bad it won't connect?

Yes it can but let's face it, if she is looking for evidence that he might be up to something, she is wasting her time there. What would it prove whether the phone was really switched off or not?

Things must be quite bad if after 3 years, she is wasting so much energy other something like this.

FBaby

so she then tries to text again a few minutes later, saying she'd been texting him that afternoon and had then phoned due to no reply to the text and the fone message said his fone was switched off, and was he avoiding/ignoring her

Is it really the case that after 3 years, if he doesn't respond within hours to a text and call, she assumes that he is avoiding her? Gosh, you almost hope for the guy that he was indeed, as otherwise, talk about feeling hunted!

jayII

His phone may have been switched off by accident, out of battery, or he may have just wanted some space. It doesn't really matter as we are all entitled to choose if we respond immediately to texts/phone calls. What would she have done 20 years ago, when mobiles were less common and less reliable?

I think she's making a mountain out of a molehill and does sound very intense and clingy. Tell her to relax and do something else to take her mind off mobile phones!

It also struck me that her first thought was 'is he was up to no good', not 'is he okay'. That shows that she's more concerned about his behaviour towards her, than about his wellbeing. Not a good sign in a relationship.

My OH and I text or call most days and if he didn't reply for several hours I'd either think his phone had been forgotten in the car or at home, he was busy, or (as time went on) be worried that he'd had an accident. I would certainly not give him a hard time for not replying as that is his prerogative. He's not my lap dog!!!

meer53

My advice would be to stop texting and phoning. Your friend will soon find out where she stands in this blokes life.

marisco_2

shoppinglover wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for the replies, so does anyone know if a phone is not switched off and you're just in a bad signal area would you just get the "this phone is switched off" message meaning the phone was switched off or "we are unable to connect your call" meaning the phone is switched on but signal is so bad it won't connect?

Thanks

The message you receive will vary depending on the phone provider used.

Your friend has been with this man for over 3 years. Yet when he doesn't respond quickly to texts or phone calls her mind goes into overdrive and she thinks he is purposefully avoiding or ignoring her. She has even been so racked with fear over what he is up to, that she has asked if he is messing around with someone else. Nothing he says in response to her questions feels like a rational explanation to her, so he can never reassure her.

She clearly has huge trust issues, maybe brought on by being betrayed herself by previous partners. Being with someone who she knows has been unfaithful in the past probably adds to her anxieties and insecurities. To the point where she doesn't seem able to place her trust in this man, to the level required to be in a healthy relationship. She needs to address this because if she carries on in this way, she will just make herself and her partner totally miserable. If you don't have trust then a relationship is broken.

duchy

I assume you don't like him but really it is between them and as someone else said you need to keep out of it.

That said if they have been together for three years and she's jumping to these kind of conclusions (and hasn't before) then either there are other signs she is subconciously responding to....or your dislike of him is prompting you to look for things that aren't really there.............or she's insecure for other reasons.

Mobiles are flakey sometimes...if my OH got the third degree from me because his phone was off/in a void -he'd think I'd gone nuts or was looking to pick a row......and rightly so.