Advice to best friend

shoppinglover

I'm looking for people's opinions/experiences as I'm trying to support my wonderful best friend who's in a terrible state of turmoil, and to be honest I'm not very experienced in this sort of situation so hoping some thoughts/opinions can be given. I'll give you some background.

She's my best friend of over 20 years, lovely bubbly, gorgeous, genuine, kind person. She's seeing someone who has really upset/hurt her, they have been together 3+ years but not living together, they text each other during the day, but not every day, he has the kind of job where he works alone as does she, they'd been texting the day before and she felt everything was ok, she tried to contact him via text the next afternoon and got no reply, having not heard from him all morning, she then tried again and still got no reply, this she said is very unusual for him as he normally texts back quite quickly. A few weeks before she'd been having problems with her fone freezing and not receiving texts so she wondered if the same thing was happening again so thought she'd try to ring him on his mobile number as before this had still been working although the receiving of texts didn't, when she tried to phone him she got the "this telephone is switched off" message, so she then tries to text again a few minutes later, saying she'd been texting him that afternoon and had then phoned due to no reply to the text and the fone message said his fone was switched off, and was he avoiding/ignoring her? Almost straight away he text back saying he had only just received text and nothing earlier and that his fone is never switched off - so there must be a problem with the service or her fone. Not being technically minded I don't really know how these systems work, so don't know what to advise her, as her mind is jumping to all sorts of explanations, some not so good, (before her he has admitted to having affairs behind his partners backs, he has always been a bit of a player in the past too) is it possible that the system was down/having problems and would automatically just give a "mobile switched off" message? Also she knows he was in an area where one of his past affairs lives. He has been going down to that area quite regularly in the past few months for work and she's said on odd occasions she's text him and "something seemed not right, he seemed a bit edgey". She's got it into her head that he was doing something he shouldn't, as he can't/won't give her an rational explanation, he was quite angry with her too for asking. She's asked him outright, were you seeing/sleeping with, doing anything with anyone else? and he maintains "no" he wasn't and still maintains his fone is never switched off. My opinion is as she's asked him directly and he's answered "no" - she has no proof but due to his past history I have to admit I sense something is "not right".

Advice/opinions please.

Dunroamin

I'd mind my own business.

McKneff

I gave up half way down, my eyes were smarting.

You need paragraphs.

You also need to just support your friend and keep out of it all.

They may end up being married in a few months and if you slag him off, she is going to choose him every time....

Thomas_The_Tank_Top

I think your mate should get out more .....

krlyr

If she wants to be sure on the phone issue, could she get a cheap PAYG phone to call him on (or use a landline/someone else's mobile) next time she has the same issue? If she got the same recorded message, she would know it wasn't her phone playing up.

However, does she really need a solid yes/no answer to whether he's cheating? I think the fact that she suspects it, and may well continue to no matter how many times he denies it, suggests there is a big issue in the relationship.

I have had a handful of bad relationships and untrustworthy exes, but I trust my OH 100%. I hope I won't be proved wrong at some point, but I have to assume he's faithful - why would I want to be with someone I suspected of cheating?

moromir

Tbh she clearly doesn't trust him so theres her answer imo.

You'll get the 'straight to voicemail' thing if the phone temporarily doesn't have enough signal - there are 'cold' spots in my house where this happens for example.

Tiglath

She sounds like really hard work, to be honest - if I were a guy, I'd be backing away.

Errata

She doesn't trust him and nothing he says will change her mind. Once the weevil enters the apple it stays there.

Grumpygit

not referring to anything else in the post apart from....

I have had the same issue with my OH's phone and he with mine - the "we cannot connect your call at this time blah blah" message is heard event though the phone is not switched off.

It does happen

Whether it happened in this case - you will never know

Mojisola

shoppinglover wrote: »

Also she knows he was in an area where one of his past affairs lives. He has been going down to that area quite regularly in the past few months for work and she's said on odd occasions she's text him and "something seemed not right, he seemed a bit edgey".

She's got it into her head that he was doing something he shouldn't, as he can't/won't give her an rational explanation, he was quite angry with her too for asking.

She's asked him outright, were you seeing/sleeping with, doing anything with anyone else? and he maintains "no" he wasn't and still maintains his fone is never switched off.

They've been together over 3 years and because a couple of texts didn't get answered straight away, she's really upset and hurt? That seems like a massive over-reaction if everything else is good with the relationship.

It suggests that she knows she's been seeing signs that all isn't right and this has brought it to a head.

He's not likely to admit to some extra-circirular activities, is he? Especially if he's got a track record of it.

If she isn't a naturally jealous or clinging type, then it sounds like she's picking up on the subtle signs that he isn't fully committed to her.

What she does now is make a choice - can she carry on being with him without completely trusting him? If he isn't up to something, her doubts and questions could drive him away; if he has been seeing someone else, will she want to stay with him?

What would he have to do to prove that he's stayed faithful?

Auntie-Dolly

I called someone yesterday & they tried twice to call me back and couldn't get through - it happens. I'd just chill and try not to be so clingy & suspicious.