Can you convince a depressed person to get help?

rpc

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

The problem with some depressed people is that they know the help is out there but refuse to do anything about it....

That's a rather simplistic view. They know that things are out there, but because your brain is messed up then it won't work or it will make it worse or you don't deserve the effort or there's no point or ...

You can't look at someone with depression (or many other mental illnesses) and judge them as if they weren't sick. If they refuse to do anything about it, they probably don't think they can. You have to break through that veil to get them to seek help.

FBaby

I agree. If a depressed person doesn't find a little bit of hope and energy in them to decide to try to fight it, there is little you can do. Same with professionals. Unfortunately, it can be a vicious circle, the depressed person seeks professional help, but isn't ready to go through the suggested therapies, they don't get better, they grow a mistrust of professionals.

The best thing you can do is to listen to your friend and tell her that she CAN get better and encouraging her and hopefully one day, she will wake up feeling a little bit stronger from your ongoing support and be ready.

marisco_2

It is extremely hard to see someone who you care deeply about suffering so much. You end up feeling helpless for not knowing what to say or do next, to gently encourage them to find ways to improve their life. The worry you feel for them can be overwhelming at times.

The drive to seek help has to come from your friend though. All you can do is be there for her as much as possible, and be willing to offer a listening ear. Your thread has really pulled on my heart to be honest, as I am faced with a similar dilemma over a very good friend of mine too.

Heffi1

The problem with depression is the apathy that comes with it, the will to get better is not there, in fact it can be quite comforting staying as you are, at least you know what is happening.

In my case I had PND but was not diagnosed with that or anything really, I was miserable all the time, but then that misery became the norm, so if I had a bad day, (even lower mood) then I would feel some relief to not feel that bad the day after, although I was unwell, I did not see the signs, I was not aware of how I was behaving.

Looking back, (27 years and counting) I can see where my moods would become so low that it was an effort to even get washed and dressed, so to tell me all I had to do was go to the Dr and he would fix me was so alien a thought, that I ignored everything around me.

I started to work for a mental health trust for a while and had to type up reports for the CPNs, it was only by doing that, that I started to notice the similarities in my own mood. I eventually took myself off to the Dr and spoke to him and it all came tumbling out, (I only went in with a skin problem on my hand) I had managed for so long that my low mood became the normal way for me to behave so I could not see that I was not doing well.

To stop rambling, I am on a tablet a day, which along with my Drs agreement I have decided to continue probably for the rst of my life, it gets me up and about and stops those dark moods descending.

I am happy to take one tablet a day for ever in order to not feel that way again. Now I function just like everyone else, I go to work and keep house, enjoy my reading, and know life is good again.

You cannot make someone see they are unwell if they are not in the right frame of mind to accept this information, it will be ignored and filed away to deal with another day, when they can be bothered.

it is no reflection on you as a friend, they just cannot do it.

It would be like asking someone to climb Everest with no training or equipment, they might try, but would be guaranteed to fail.

ca55ie

I hope she one day realises what a good friend you are. This book was recommended to me when I was ill and I found it very useful. It helped me accept that I was a failure and could get better. Maybe it could help your friend
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-Illness-Curse-Strong-Edition/dp/1847092357/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377869531&sr=8-1&keywords=depression+curse+of+the+strong

cazziebo

Horrible horrible illness which affects everyone round about you - not that you care much at the time. I did find counselling immensely useful and thankfully had a very forceful counsellor (NHS) who came to my house so there was no phoning to cancel! I can't remember what we talked about, and I do remember thinking it was a lot of rubbish sometimes, but she did make me feel stronger.

I also found exercise useful so agree totally with HappyMJ. Get her out of the house even if it is just for a walk or a stroll round the supermarket.

You also have to look after yourself. I have no idea why or how my friends tolerated me at the time. I was so selfish, and self absorbed. Why anyone would choose to have coffee with me, accompany me to the gym or pool or invite me round for supper I have no idea. The fact they did probably saved my life.

paulineb_2

rpc wrote: »

It can be very difficult to persuade someone to go, even if it seems obvious.

Aside from anything else, when you are depressed then the world doesn't seem the same as it does to a "normal" person.

The drugs do work, but you need to find the right one and that can take time (and they also take time to kick in). They also don't necessarily fix it, but they give you breathing room. The wrong drug can make things worse (as can going cold turkey once you are on them). My wife has severe PND and it took nearly 6 months before we had something that worked.

NHS counselling is, by most accounts, hopeless. Too much demand, far too few resources. You also need to understand the difference between CBT (dealing with your feelings as they happen) and other counselling techniques that look at any underlying issues and try to fix it from the bottom up.

It's a tough place to be in for both of you, the best you can do is to be there and try to explore the options. There are a number of websites that offer online CBT-like therapy, perhaps those are worth a go?

Sometimes when you want help, the support isnt there, my GPs arent supportive. I ended up suffering from depression due to work issues and Ive been at the stage where Ive barely been out of the house, no confidence, wouldnt say I ever had panic or anxiety attacks but some stuff that happened to me in the workplace had a massive effect on my life and wellbeing

What worked for me, eventually. Asking my GP for help, actually demanding it. I was put on an anti depressant that helped with insomnia which I was also suffering from. It helped. I was on them for 6 months, came off them and 5 months on, Im sleeping better than I was for 20 years

My GP was very much of the view that exercise would help me and it did in spells, I had a GP referral to the local sports centre, I got a ten week programme and cheap fitness, and for that hour I was in the gym or swimming, I could do something and not worry about the chaos my life was in.

But thats also been sporadic. I had a difficult 2012 for a few reasons and I encountered another boss who was awful to me over a long period of time and by October last year I was feeling worse than I had in a long time and thats when I went back yet again to see my GP and this time, they listened.

I also had counselling but didnt feel it helped much, but I saw it through.

At the moment Im eating well, sleeping well, looking after myself and Im also self employed again which makes a big difference.

But I have been at points where your GP says, go out for a run and you can hardly get the trainers on, you feel so low.

Counselling can be very hit and miss, as can medication. My GPs are very reluctant to prescribe anti depressants. Ive had two 6 month courses in 15 years and thats how long I suffered on and off.

But yes, sometimes you need to help yourself or sometimes you need someone who cares about you to give you a mighty boot up the backside and say, I care about you and I want to help you.

I lost my ability to socialise, even when the worst of my anxety was over, I just didnt want to go out. Its taken me until this year after probably a 5 year spell where I maybe socialised 3 or 4 times a year to get back to a social life of going out twice a month or three times a month.

It also depends whats causing the depression, so many different types of mental health issue that might need individual treatment.

Its a very kind thing you are doing, because depression/anxiety/stress isolates people as it is, its good that you care enough to want to help.

Netwizard

marisco wrote: »

It is extremely hard to see someone who you care deeply about suffering so much. You end up feeling helpless for not knowing what to say or do next, to gently encourage them to find ways to improve their life. The worry you feel for them can be overwhelming at times.

The drive to seek help has to come from your friend though. All you can do is be there for her as much as possible, and be willing to offer a listening ear. Your thread has really pulled on my heart to be honest, as I am faced with a similar dilemma over a very good friend of mine too.

A very good post as this sums up exactly how I feel about a friend too. Friend has deep routed issues from childhood and has suffered ever since. A real shame and I have spent years trying to help, make her feel better etc but ultimately, she just cant follow through with any treatments. Perhaps gives it a go for 2-3 weeks and then stops. Same with the anti depressants.

Difference with us, is that we both work in mental health.

I have stopped trying to help because I cant force her. If she cant help herself first and foremost, then unfortunately, she is always goin to suffer.

Its a real shame, as she is a lovely person.

moneysniffer

I don't really have anything constructive to add - but I just wanted to link to this blog post on depression, I found it really enlightening (some mild swearing):

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

marisco_2

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

The problem with some depressed people is that they know the help is out there but refuse to do anything about it.....

I don't think it is so much a refusal to attempt to help themselves. Depression clouds a persons view of the world and their place in it, to the degree where normal day to day things can feel very frightening and not make much sense to someone.

Seeking help requires a person to accept that they need to change. Change can be enough of a frightening concept for people who are happy, secure and content within themselves. It can feel impossible for a person with depression to contemplate leading a life outside of the one that they feel able to cope with. It is a far more complicated illness than you see it as being.