Seperating from my wife

tinkerbell28

It sounds pretty bad. However why September in just over a month, why not now? Have you spoke to her, or are you just going to leave? Are you taking the kids....lots of things need to be spoken about. With her.

Have you met someone else op? I'm asking because sometimes little niggles can get blown out of all proportion to justify leaving a spouse and made out to be 10x worse. It's the lack of affection line and the specific moving out time that made me wonder, with no mention of taking the kids with you if she's that bad.....

Surely your first question would be, can I ask her to leave? Or take the children with me?

newcook

OP, if you are the one who does everything including care for the children then why not tell her to leave instead?!

aileth

Does she know you are leaving at the end of September? Have you talked to her about it? Have you given her any chance to make amends and pull herself together? She might think everything is okay because you've said nothing to her...

Chances are she is 'escaping' to her reality world on the Xbox because she herself is unhappy, have you thought about that?

rpc

Is your wife depressed? Could there be a reason why she's on her Xbox/computer etc for escapism? Have you asked?

Chances are she is 'escaping' to her reality world on the Xbox because she herself is unhappy, have you thought about that?

And yet when a bloke does it, it's because he just doesn't care. How many rants do we have about blokes spending time on Xbox/WoW/whatever and they are almost universally derided for it.

aileth

rpc wrote: »

And yet when a bloke does it, it's because he just doesn't care. How many rants do we have about blokes spending time on Xbox/WoW/whatever and they are almost universally derided for it.

Probably because A LOT more men game than women and so the issue has a higher probability of being more widespread in men.

I had an issue with my husband putting WoW and gaming before housework and real life. I talked to him about it, he told me that he was depressed and that he just liked to get home and 'escape' into this fantasy world where he didn't need to worry about work/the car/housework/anything, and it really opened my eyes a lot. We talked about it, he now does things before going on and he says himself he's much happier, so that's why I say you need to explore it with her and get to the root of the problem. She might not be a lazy slob who can't be arsed doing any work/bothering with the kids/going out, she might actually be depressed and find playing the Xbox and these wonderful virtual worlds a great alleviation to her worries.

I would say exactly the same if the poster was a female talking about her boyfriend. I've been through a spouse putting Xbox above everything and it's not as clear cut as people might think. If she admits that she isn't escaping/depressed/whatever and she really is being incredibly lazy and doesn't care, that's a totally different story.

alias*alibi

rpc wrote: »

And yet when a bloke does it, it's because he just doesn't care. How many rants do we have about blokes spending time on Xbox/WoW/whatever and they are almost universally derided for it.

I recognised it as depression or escapism as I can relate. When I think my life is carp I do tend to go on the Internet and compare my life or read up on things to try to justify my life/feelings etc. My first thought when I read the OP was 'his wife is depressed'. I hope the OP talks to his wife and hasnt just made the assumption that she is 'lazy' as depression can take over your whole life and certainly make you listless and lethargic where doing anything is a big effort and chore.

Person_one

rpc wrote: »

And yet when a bloke does it, it's because he just doesn't care. How many rants do we have about blokes spending time on Xbox/WoW/whatever and they are almost universally derided for it.

One for the MSE bingo card, thanks!

danih

Thats so sad that you feel your marriage is over.

Is a trial period an option? Where you both spend maybe 3 months trying to resolve the issues that both of you have (we all have flaws that those we share our lives with tolerate).

Relate or a similar marriage counselling service will benefit you both, regardless of the path taken in a few months time.

Your wife definitely needs to see a gp to query depression, and perhaps access independent, individual counselling.

Just wondered, why did you pick this topic for your first ever post on the forum? You have included your name and age, so doesn't look like a change of username to keep topic secret from your wife.

alias*alibi

danih wrote: »

Thats so sad that you feel your marriage is over.

Is a trial period an option? Where you both spend maybe 3 months trying to resolve the issues that both of you have (we all have flaws that those we share our lives with tolerate).

Relate or a similar marriage counselling service will benefit you both, regardless of the path taken in a few months time.

Your wife definitely needs to see a gp to query depression, and perhaps access independent, individual counselling.

Just wondered, why did you pick this topic for your first ever post on the forum? You have included your name and age, so doesn't look like a change of username to keep topic secret from your wife.

I hope 'Nick' returns as I'd like to hear abit more about whether he's looked in to depression etc. Very bold first post with name and age given; very much a 'statement' rather than seeking advice which is odd! Maybe his wife frequents these boards and he's hoping she finds out this way?

tinkerbell28

A lot of presumptions about her, so I'm going to make mine :cool:

My money is on another woman. If she was THAT bad, why would ops post be worded as him leaving. Not "I'm planning on leaving my wife and taking the kids with me". It reads as if he, just he is planning to leave (I'm moving out).....so she can't be that bad of he's gonna leave the kids there.......

He then goes on to say I need to do it for me and the kids. How is him upping and leaving with no notice, no forewarning, no nothing and leaving the kids which such a bad mum good for the kids.....

He's got a set date, it sounds planned. Psychology if you even cover it briefly will always tell you that humans look to absolve themselves if they feel guilt.

A lot of cheating spouses do this, build things up and make out it is all so bad, to justify the affair, then when they leave for the bit on the side, it's ok, as the terrible spouse drove them to it.

So there is my massive conclusion jump to counter those blaming her and saying she's depressed. Reading the op carefully, it doesn't make sense.