Seperating from my wife

Bigwig999_2

At the end of september, i will be leaving my wife after 7 years of marraige. Its a loveless relationship we have. Dont kiss, dont cuddle and she would rather play on the computer or her xbox than going out. I do everything. I cook, clean, do the ironing, take the kids out and she does !!!!!! all. Even our two children are picking up on it. When we go out, that kids always know that mummy wont be joining us.
I will be moving out soon, but she doent want a divorse. She thinks everything is ok, but its not. Its going to be hard, but i need to do it for me and the kids
If she doesn't want divorcie, what can i do?
Any information would be greatly recieved
Thank you

Nick 37

pinkshoes

Have you actually talked to her yet?

You are both adults, so you need to DISCUSS this, particularly as children are involved. How about giving her an ultimatum along the lines of:

"Look, you married me, not the computer, so you need to choose between your family or your computer. If things haven't improved by the end of September, I'm moving out and I'm taking the kids, as they deserve better than this."

If she doesn't want a divorce, then I think you have to wait 2 years to divorce her.

CP26

There are three ways to get a divorce...

1) Do it now and there are a selection of reasons e.g. adultery, unreasonable behaviour. You'll have to pick one and then provide evidence.

2) Wait 2 years and you can divorce with her consent.

3) Wait 5 years and you can divorce without her consent.

As pinkshoes has said a conversation is in order. Perhaps not to save the marriage if you've decided firmly that it's over but to find some way that you can separate and subsequently divorce as amicably as possible, particularly as there are children involved.

Why not pay a visit to the Wikivorce forums - they have loads of really helpful advice and you could also put in a call to their advisors.

To keep it very basic (and ignoring that there are children involved which does complicate things) if you started the divorce process when you leave she could...

1) Refuse to reply to the paperwork. The court will give you several options for getting the divorce progressed if this happens. E.g. having her personally served by the court so they have proof she has received the papers and had a chance to respond.

2) Defend the divorce. A very costly and usually ill advised route as she is basically trying to prove in court that the marriage hasn't broken down and everything's fine.

Like I said though, try Wikivorce for more information on the processes as the situation is a little more complex for children.

MrsE_2

Bigwig999 wrote: »

At the end of september, i will be leaving my wife after 7 years of marraige. Its a loveless relationship we have. Dont kiss, dont cuddle and she would rather play on the computer or her xbox than going out. I do everything. I cook, clean, do the ironing, take the kids out and she does !!!!!! all. Even our two children are picking up on it. When we go out, that kids always know that mummy wont be joining us.
I will be moving out soon, but she doent want a divorse. She thinks everything is ok, but its not. Its going to be hard, but i need to do it for me and the kids
If she doesn't want divorcie, what can i do?
Any information would be greatly recieved
Thank you

Nick 37

What about your children? Will they live with their mum?
They say thr best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.
My ex husband & I seperated for similar reasons, he didnt want to do anything when home other than game.

Takeaway_Addict

MrsE wrote: »

What about your children? Will they live with their mum?
They say thr best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.
My ex husband & I seperated for similar reasons, he didnt want to do anything when home other than game.

I don't get the purpose of this line, is it a snipe at the OP because I presume you know that you can't choose love...

Mojisola

Bigwig999 wrote: »

I do everything. I cook, clean, do the ironing, take the kids out and she does !!!!!! all.

Even our two children are picking up on it. When we go out, that kids always know that mummy wont be joining us.

I will be moving out soon, but she doent want a divorse. She thinks everything is ok, but its not. Its going to be hard, but i need to do it for me and the kids

If you do all that, I would hope you and the children would be staying in the family home and that she would be the one to move out.

You're not going to leave the children in her care, are you?

Gigglepig

I hope you have discussed these issues with your wife in a mature and reasonable way, have you at least tried marriage counselling? (Relate etc.)

Even if you break up, it sounds like your family might benefit from improved communication...

Edited to add - a frank discussion and couple's counselling may also shed some light on whether OP's wife has other issues - if there has been a change in behaviour and all she now does is sit on the computer, perhaps there are medical, psychological issues or addiction to gaming.

OP have you tried to get to the bottom of why she changed/behaves in this manner?

alwaysonthego_2

This sounds like my ex husband. He was also abusive towards myself and to the end of the marriage the children. He threatened to leave and I didn't stop him. I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour citing the obsession with the Xbox and not wanting to interact with the family. It is unlikely she will defend it as it is very expensive. My ex ignored the papers so I got a process handler to deliver them and he signed a legal form which was sworn in court so I did not need him to sign it. I got my divorce in four months without using a solicitor. There is no legal aid for family issues so I grabbed as much advice from my solicitor who is still dealing with the financial side.

alias*alibi

Is your wife depressed? Could there be a reason why she's on her Xbox/computer etc for escapism? Have you asked?

MrsE_2

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

I don't get the purpose of this line, is it a snipe at the OP because I presume you know that you can't choose love...

No, sorry if it came across like that OP.
I think I was thinking what a sad waste & wondering if you could give it one last try?
I do apologise:o

marisco_2

Others have already given great advice regarding how to approach divorcing your wife.

Are the children going to be living with you or staying with her? If she has so little interaction with them, and shows no interest in doing anything around the house, I would worry for their welfare and wellbeing if they remained with her. Has your wife suffered from depression in the past? This could go some way to explaining why she does not accept that everything is not fine, or see that her approach to family life has led to the breakdown of your family unit.

Could encouraging her to see her gp to talk over how she feels, be the first steps to making positive improvements in her life. Wherever the children end up living and with whom, it is in their best interest to be able to have a strong, loving and secure relationship with both of you. I hope some way can be found to make this possible for all your sakes.