Husband Cheated, Pregnant, want a divorce

FBaby

Treevo wrote: »

Citation needed.

Only by men, women just know

julie2710

Firstly I just want to say sorry you find yourself in this situation. I think what everyone else has said is really important. You need to decide what you want. It sounds as though you are pretty sure that you can't make a go of it. Some people can overcome affairs, others can't. Neither is right or wrong. I was 35 weeks pregnant when I found out my ex was having an affair. I knew I couldn't forgive him so gave him a week to move out.

I went and saw a solicitor straight away about the advice on the divorce but didn't actually action it until after the birth. Even then it got to decree nici stage and then paused whilst the finances were finalised. It's never wise to go to absolute stage prior to that as in the, hopefully, unlikely event that one of the parties were to die before the finances were finalised but after the absolute the remaining ex partners finances could be compromised. Something that I wouldn't have thought about.

Without understanding the full financial circumstances and the reasons why you feel you can't sell your property it makes it hard for anyone to advise on that side of things. However, what I would say is that money should no more be a reason to stay together than children. You will find a way and yes your lifestyle may have to change but that will be the case when your baby arrives anyway.

I went back to full time work 18 weeks after DS2 was born, just before my maternity pay reduced to statutory levels. It wasn't the way I planned it but it wasn't the end of the world either.

I'm sure there will be people here to offer support and advice along the way. Right now it must feel like your world has been ripped apart at the seams but whatever you choose there is a new world around the corner.

peachyprice

Treevo wrote: »

Think long term - they might not be paying a lot now (especially if they are BTLs with mortgages) but eventually they will.

That doesn't help OP now when she needs somewhere to live and to be able to support herself through maternity leave though.

If there is equity in either of them it could make sense to ditch it to get her through this time, better than feeling she's stuck with a cheating husband a new baby, she would still be left with one for the long term.

I know which option I would chose, sometimes living entirely for the future isn't the best thing to do.

Treevo

FBaby wrote: »

Only by men, women just know

Women just know that pregnant women can't ever think rationally? I'm sure there's a wealth of evidence to support that claim - after all, we don't let pregnant women vote or wander around freely before the birth, do we? Oh.

julie2710

Treevo wrote: »

Women just know that pregnant women can't ever think rationally? I'm sure there's a wealth of evidence to support that claim - after all, we don't let pregnant women vote or wander around freely before the birth, do we? Oh.

Ok, rather than turn this into a long discussion about the ability of pregnant women being able to think rationally, which probably isn't going to be of much help or support to the OP, I would probably just suggest that with hormones all over the place women tend to make decisions based more emotively than rationally when pregnant.

Kynthia

julie2710 wrote: »

Ok, rather than turn this into a long discussion about the ability of pregnant women being able to think rationally, which probably isn't going to be of much help or support to the OP, I would probably just suggest that with hormones all over the place women tend to make decisions based more emotively than rationally when pregnant.

Not everyone who's pregnant feels hormonal and emotional. I havent cried at adverts or had irrational rows with my OH, or anything else that 'hormonal' women are supposed to do. Apart from nerves about having a baby my decision making is completely unchanged and I am still making logical choices about selling our flat, buying a house and how these affect our finances. The OP is probably feeling more vulnerable than she would have if she wasn't pregnant but that's because her situation is different now and being on her own while pregnant and having a small baby will be a lot harder.

pukkamum

Please think very carefully before you rush into divorce, infidelity can be overcome in a relationship if both parties work hard.
My best friend and her dh went through infidelity on his part just after she had her second baby.
8 yrs on and they are very happy again, it has taken time, tears and patience but they were both willing to work at it and are very glad they did.
Having said that it isn't something everyone can do, not sure I could.

julie2710

Kynthia wrote: »

Not everyone who's pregnant feels hormonal and emotional. I havent cried at adverts or had irrational rows with my OH, or anything else that 'hormonal' women are supposed to do. Apart from nerves about having a baby my decision making is completely unchanged and I am still making logical choices about selling our flat, buying a house and how these affect our finances. The OP is probably feeling more vulnerable than she would have if she wasn't pregnant but that's because her situation is different now and being on her own while pregnant and having a small baby will be a lot harder.

I was trying to diffuse and put an end to what was turning into an unhelpful discussion. I didn't say every pregnant woman was the same but there is always someone willing to take things as a blanket declaration and apply it to themselves rather than actually saying something that might benefit the OP.

RandomUser_2

Thank you for all your responses. I really appreciate all of them.

I do want this baby, and I am not afraid of raising it as a single parent. As much as my other half is a rubbish husband I know that he would be a great Dad so im not worried there. Its just that I no longer feel I can be in a relationship with him myself after such a breach of trust.

One property I cannot sell as the tenants have just signed a one year tenancy. In addition, there is a significant profit each month with a tiny mortgage so I want to keep this one.

The other I have just bought. I cant sell it as I will lose huge sums in early redemption penalties and will end up with nothing from the sale so probably not worth selling anyway. Once tenanted the rent will cover the mortgage.

We did have a good realtionship before hand and I never would have suspected him of anything like this. I trusted him 100% which is where I went wrong I suppose.

I have a lot of lovely friends and colleagues who have offered me a spare room until I sort things out so that is a temporary measure I could consider but I dont want to get in the way of others.

This is such a tough situation, and one that I never thought I would be in. I now feel trapped in this marriage and regret it awfully. If we had never married I could walk away with nothing to worry about.

BitterAndTwisted

"Once tenanted the rent will cover the mortgage"



So, it's not tenanted yet? This is the property you should move into. The profit, once tax has been paid on the other property can be used to pay the mortgage on the one you live in.

I suggest you get legal advice as soon as possible, so you have some chance of hanging onto your assets. Or at least some of them. In a "short marriage", usually of two years or less, the courts generally seek to leave each partner with what they entered the marriage with. Three years puts you firmly on the borderline. Get legal advice and do it NOW