Husband Cheated, Pregnant, want a divorce

RandomUser_2

I am in a terrible situation, but I will attempt to keep it brief.

I have been married for three years. 2 months ago I found my husband has had an affair. I only found out because she was also married, her husband found out and contacted me.

I am devastated. The emails and text messages between them are sexually explicit, and there is hundreds of them. He admits everything.

I am so hurt. However, since I found out there has been no contact. He has a new number, email etc.

A couple of weeks after I found out about this I found out I was pregnant. I should be ecstatic. I'm not.

I want a divorce but am terrified I will lose everything. He is terrible with money and has nothing to his name except debt. Whereas I have two properties and a pension. I don't want to stay with him just because of the baby or through fear that I will lose all my assets.

He wants to try again, especially as I am pregnant but I can never trust him again. He makes me feel sick and I try everything I can to stay away from him.

I don't know what to do. I want the baby, but I do not want to stay with him. However I cannot afford a divorce, especially if I am on maternity leave.

We are stuck living together as both properties I own are hundreds of miles away. It is not plausible to sell either of them, and I don't want to lose them anyway. The property we live in is rented in his sole name.

I don't know what to do, and my indecision is not helping as time is running out for me to take some action. Any advice, please?

Seanymph

Decide what you want, and then orgainse it. Everything else is logistics.

Do you want this child?

Do you want to be married to this man?

They are your questions - answer then, then set about making it happen how you want to.

You will sort it out, everyone does - but don't box yourself into something you don't want through logistics.

double_mummy

you dont want to be with him leave him an actual divorce can come after your maternity leave

you need to start thinking practically where will you be living when you have your baby? can you afford to organise a place before you are around 8 months pregnant?

on the financial side of things if you are divorcing now it should be pretty straight forward if you are going on the basis of unreasonable behavior and he doesnt contest it. you can do it all yourself and make him a good offer with the assets (if you can afford it) get him to agree and then use a solicitor for a consent order

remember if you are divorced when the baby is born he will need to come with you to register the birth to be included on the certificate

is there any way to unlock some of the money from one of the properties?

Treevo

You've had a short marriage. Presuming that you weren't living together for a decade before you married, it's likely the court will just seek to put you both back to the position you were in before the marriage.

Personally I wouldn't live as you are doing now, regardless of cost.

Kayalana99

I know its not much consolation but he will have to pay you child support - about 15% of his wage, untill the child is out of full time education.

Its hard to advise you how to leave as we don't know all the details, isn't their somone you can stay with? parents etc?

Why is not feasible to sell them?

kazwookie

Oh dear what a muddle.

1. Do you want the baby?
2. Do you want a divorce?

Once you have answered these questions, then you will be able to sort yourself out, but don't hang around, you need to get sorted asap.

FBaby

Treevo wrote: »

You've had a short marriage. Presuming that you weren't living together for a decade before you married, it's likely the court will just seek to put you both back to the position you were in before the marriage.

Personally I wouldn't live as you are doing now, regardless of cost.

I wouldn't be so sure, it very much depends on how long they were together before they married and even then, it is not that straight forward.

OP, what a terrible situation but remember that so much as happened in so little time (you finding out about the affair and being pregnant). I am assuming you felt your relationship was good before finding this out? If so, have you considered trying to see if there is any chance of saving your marriage? I understand you feel repulse at the moment and can totally understand why, but it doesn't mean you are bound to always feel this way.

Saving a marriage after an affair is very difficult and probably fail more often than is successful, however, it does happen and successfully. My dad cheated on my step-mum, was very tragic at the time, they even separated for some time but decided in the end to fight and understand the reasons behind it (my step-mum was drinking too much making her oblivious to how aggressive she had become). Not that I'm saying this is your case of you've done anything wrong, but it might be worth exploring what could have led him to have an affair, which could affect your decision as to whether to leave or not. My parents have worked it out and 15 years later are very happy together. Not the affair, but how they dealt with it afterwards made their marriage stronger.

Whatever your decision though, I wish you good luck. If you are clear you want to go, then you will have no choice but to go through a divorce at some time and it will all come down to your solicitor and the judge. Nothing much you can do about it but cross your fingers that you don't lose half of your assets. However, even if you do, it would mean getting your freedom back and that is priceless.

peachyprice

OP, if you're 100% sure this is what you want you need to get out now. The longer you leave it the stronger his rights to any part of your assets is, especially if you start living as a family.

Also, the longer you stay together the messier the divorce will be. If you wanted to divorce on grounds of reasonable behaviour before the 2 years separation staying with him now could make that easier for him to contest and drag out.

Can you afford to rent a little place for yourself right now? You say you have these properties, but if they aren't providing enough income to support you through maternity leave, they're a dead weight and not really assets at all, if this is the case, perhaps it's time to ditch one?

Treevo

peachyprice wrote: »

OP, if you're 100% sure this is what you want you need to get out now. The longer you leave it the stronger his rights to any part of your assets is, especially if you start living as a family.

Also, the longer you stay together the messier the divorce will be. If you wanted to divorce on grounds of reasonable behaviour before the 2 years separation staying with him now could make that easier for him to contest and drag out.

Can you afford to rent a little place for yourself right now? You say you have these properties, but if they aren't providing enough income to support you through maternity leave, they're a dead weight and not really assets at all, if this is the case, perhaps it's time to ditch one?

Think long term - they might not be paying a lot now (especially if they are BTLs with mortgages) but eventually they will.

fluffnutter

Hormones are terrible things. Women in happy situations can't think rationally whilst they're pregnant let alone those who've had an awful shock like you.

Don't rush to do anything. By all accounts this affair is now over. You're about to bring a new life into the world. Could you consider counselling or mediation together with your husband? Your marriage doesn't have to be over.

Treevo

fluffnutter wrote: »

Hormones are terrible things. Women in happy situations can't think rationally whilst they're pregnant let alone those who've had an awful shock like you.

Don't rush to do anything. By all accounts this affair is now over. You're about to bring a new life into the world. Could you consider counselling or mediation together with your husband? Your marriage doesn't have to be over.

Citation needed.