family party dilema

Mojisola

Brewstersmum wrote: »

What hurts the most is my mums cutting remarks

she said to me a while ago 'you will need him (my brother) before he needs you. what would he ever need you for?'

the other day she was moaning about her car not been fixed. OH is a mechanic and offered to fix it for her but she said to me 'your brother is doing it so don't get involved and meddle'

in between these bits she obviously says nice things too but it really does hurt me and makes me want to just not have anything to do with them

Explain again why you're even thinking about going to this party?

Kayalana99

Brewstersmum wrote: »

Thank you all, im still very undecided on whether to just show my face. I know my younger children would love to go and they see no poison between myself and my brother....they have no idea who he is!

im tempted to just show my face and then leave.

I know that no one can decide for you, but its very rare on these fourms that everyone agrees, and as far as I can tell not one person has said you should go.

Personally I think it would be alot easier to not go, then to 'show your face' as then you have to make the excuse to leave..get the kids to leave (and you say they will have a good time so might not want to so early) and have people say why are you leaving so early? etc etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide xx

HPoirot

Brewstersmum wrote: »

What hurts the most is my mums cutting remarks

she said to me a while ago 'you will need him (my brother) before he needs you. what would he ever need you for?'

the other day she was moaning about her car not been fixed. OH is a mechanic and offered to fix it for her but she said to me 'your brother is doing it so don't get involved and meddle'

^^ that :eek:
Do you have a sense of duty towards her because she has had a rough ride in the past? The way I see it, she is not much of a parent if she needs to belittle you and hurt you just to feel happy and secure in her love for her son. I would have stopped making myself available to her even on the days when she is in a good mood, maybe that would make her a little more appreciative of you. If not, then you won't have wasted time and energy on negativity.

meritaten

don't go. you don't want to go and its simples.
you don't have to make an excuse but if you must - then a sudden attack of 'food poisoning' is irrefutable.

thehappybutterfly

Oh this is an easy one! Dont go. I wouldnt. I never do anything out of guilt or because its expected of me especially when it comes to socialising with people i dont like.

Brewstersmum

Thank you all

I think ill do a cinema and popcorn night for me and the kids instead

Lunar_Eclipse

I would go to the party. I wouldn't expect to enjoy it, but I'd do it out of 'duty' and because I'd want to hold the upper hand in doing the right thing even when others don't and don't deserve your presence.

Sadly they are never going to see things the way you do, but I just couldn't be bothered to make a stand this late in the day (which is how I see it given the age and health of your mother.)

Either go alone or with your family and think of it as a party for your children. Would they be sad to miss Granny's party?

JanCee

^^^^
I agree with the above poster, I would go. It is only a couple of hours out of your life & you would be seen to be doing the right thing by other members of the family & friends who may not know the full background story.

I too have an arrogant bully for a stepbrother who uses every trick in the book to undermine me. His latest underhand tactics involve using our elderly, frail, ill mother as a way of point scoring.

Rise above it & be the better person.

red_devil

Gigglepig wrote: »

You say your brother 'allowed things to happen to you' when you were younger, and that you now hate him. But if he was young or a child child too, isn't it mainly your parents you should be angry with for failing to protect you? And for brushing things under the carpet? Depending on how serious the issues were, it might not be odd at all that you don't want to spend time with any of them.

If your mum is aggressive at times and isn't quite with it, it could be that she has dementia?

how could they protect her if they didnt know?

onlyroz

If you don't go I don't think you should feign an illness. If you're asked why you didn't go you should truthfully say that you didn't want to be in the same room as your brother. If asked to clarify just say that you've explained your reasons several times before and don't want to go over it all again.