Upset but know i have no right to be.

Shelldean

My DD sounds very like yours, she also attended the local grammar school and had a few good friends but lots of acquaintances. And I do believe she felt the finance divide quite a bit.

In yr 9 she decided she wanted to be an actress... OMG can you imagine my reaction??

This lasted for about 6 mths, She then wobbled again about going into sixth form.

I was honest with her, said in MY opinion she was more than capable (and she was, she is just about to start her third yr at uni)
But even though I felt she could do well the choice had to be hers, and hers alone. It was her bed she was making and she alone would be lying in, not me. I told her if she wanted to leave school and get a dead end job or even just have loads of babies, then I wouldn't be happy and I would tell her so... BUT I would support her in her choice in anyway I was able.

She stayed on a sixth form and did really well and is now entering her third yr at Uni to become a teacher.

LostandAfraid

So much great advice here,thank you We had a look at some of the university entry requirements this evening and some do accept the BTEC level 3 as long as the marks are distinction/merit.

In all honesty after thinking it through I do think that college will benefit her in many ways,i think it will do wonders for her confidence,extend her social life and that she will enjoy it,if she took the 6th form option I think she would go back to that feeling of being pressured and on the sideline again.

I have had a good think about things and the more I think about it and with the posts I have read here the more positive I feel about her going to college,it is what she wants and I would never try to force her to give it up,as I said before this is her life and it's her right to choose how she plays it out.

I am concerned about her being on the same course as her boyfriend because if it all goes wrong between them it will be so difficult but if that happens all I can do is be here for her and support her through it.

I will say he is a very nice lad who does genuinely care about her,they have been dating for almost a year now and he has always been very supportive of her education,he is a year older than her so had completed his G.C.S.E exams by the time she was in the thick of hers and he never once tried to distract her from her coursework or revision,when she didn't have time to see him as much he didn't push and actually said to her that they would have plenty of time when it was all done but she needed to concentrate on the important stuff at that point.

I have a feeling that she is really going to love this course and that things are going to be okay,she has great prospects and most of all she will be happy as she goes through it,time for mum to stop worrying so much and to get excited for the things she is looking forward to so much now

pandora205

At this age they make their own decisions but the BTEC route is fine for university entrance provided that it is in a related subject. Here is the UCAS points tariff tables that shows the equivalences to A levels etc. for the various qualifications:

http://www.ucas.com/how-it-all-works/explore-your-options/entry-requirements/tariff-tables

My three children have all made non-conventional choices careers and qualifications wise:

DD1 (who is the least academic) stayed on and finished A levels, scraped the results she needed to get on her chosen uni to do broadcast journalism (having had various interviews, assessment, portfolio of work etc.) She was delighted but then decided not to go as she had just met her boyfriend, who was a snowboarder from New Zealand. Fast forward six years and she works in ski patrol in NZ and internationally, having completed ski instructor training, paramedic qualifications etc. She is the envy of her friends who went to uni.

DS1 went into 6th form at school but (much to my dismay) decided to change and go to college to do a BTEC Higher National Diploma in Sport and Exercise Science after AS levels. He did well but decided he wanted to go to work and earn rather than go to uni. Two years later, he's changed his mind and is just off to uni. His BTEC has given him an edge for his degree as he has covered many of the topics on the course already, as well as wheting his appetite for the field.

DD2 did very well at GCSEs (14 A-Cs included 8 A*s) but went to college to do Photography BTEC, where she thrived. Although she hasn't gone on to uni yet (she is living in Greece with her Greek bf) she would like to, and will probably do Photography, which she loves. In the meantime she is writing a novel and continues taking photos as a hobby. However, she has said to me something like 'Mum, I wish I hadn't just done Photography as I could have done lots of other things at uni'. So although her BTEC is great for the UCAS points it has narrowed her choices. I've resisted saying I told you so....

So.... in the end they do what they want to do, make their own choices and learn. For example, DS would have had much lower fees if he'd gone to uni two years ago but he wasn't motivated then. Working has been a lesson for him too: the world of customer services isn't that fulfilling after a while!

susancs

LostandAfraid wrote: »

I have a feeling that she is really going to love this course and that things are going to be okay,she has great prospects and most of all she will be happy as she goes through it,time for mum to stop worrying so much and to get excited for the things she is looking forward to so much now

So glad you are feeling happier about her choice. You sound like a lovely supportive Mum who just wants the best for her daughter in all aspects of her life. My friend whose daughter is going to college also posted this on her FB which made me a bit tearful to be honest (soppy I know)

They are your dreams my lovely beautiful daughter, not mine!!, follow them where ever they lead you, just know I will be will you every step of the way, offering encouragement & guidance, through the laughs & through the tears becauses I once had a dream come true..............It was you.

Georgiegirl256

Treevo wrote: »

It's what I would do. Though I would want to prevent my child from making a huge mistake.

Not wanting to get into an argument, as everyone obviously has their own opinions, but I genuinely don't understand why you think anyone going to college would be making a huge mistake....genuine question.

Georgiegirl256

Glad you're feeling happier OP! I'm sure it'll be the making of her

As a lot of people have said, college can help bring people put of their shells....and it certainly helped do that for me. I wasn't overly quiet before, but I had a lot of confidence issues, and meeting a whole new group of people was great!

Also, the boyfriend issue, I wouldn't worry about that, I ended up doing my second year of art with a lad who was by then my ex boyfriend (met when I was on the secretarial course and he was 1st year art), and it didn't make things awkward at all.

dreamdreamer

Well done to your daughter on her great results! :T

She sounds like me. I went to grammar school and although I never told my parents, I really hated it. I was a bit of a wallflower, I just didn't fit in. I was academically gifted and got top results (A*/A GCSEs, 5 x A grade A-levels etc) right the way through to the end of my university course (Biomedicine). But I was utterly sick of being in stuffy oppressive education and doing what I felt I "should" do rather than what my heart was telling me to do. My parents were horrified when I decided not to do the postgraduate medicine course I'd got onto and joined the Ambulance Service. There was a lot of talk of wasting my potential etc etc but 8 years later they're incredibly proud of my work and I genuinely love my job. They would definitely agree it's my calling.

Conversely my brother hated school, flunked everything, quit college, cause my parents years of worry and heartache but now earns twice what I do as a manager for a prestigious estate agents! He doesn't enjoy his job in the same passionate way I do, but he is able to live very comfortably with this his girlfriend and son (far more comfortably than me!) and they have a good life.

I genuinely think kids can make good of any path they take so long as they have the support they need, which you clearly are providing for your daughter because you sound brilliant. Your daughter sounds sensible and smart and with you behind her I'm sure she'll achieve her goals whichever way she goes about it!

Dreamer xx

P.S

I will say he is a very nice lad who does genuinely care about her....he never once tried to distract her from her coursework or revision,when she didn't have time to see him as much he didn't push and actually said to her that they would have plenty of time when it was all done but she needed to concentrate on the important stuff at that point.

Have his parents considered cloning?! :rotfl:

GoldenShadow

Wow, I'm quite surprised how many people disliked grammars/sixth form! I went to one, stayed on for A Levels and feel very lucky to have been able to such a good school. There were only two colleges where I lived which both had pretty bad reputations, though, so it was much more clear cut about where was best to go. When I say bad rep I mean tutors not turning up, high rates of varying incidents and poor marks as people were meant to be studying there but didn't *actually* go to classes a lot sort of thing.

If your daughter feels the grammar didn't suit her then its probably for the best to consider going elsewhere. She must have thought about it a lot to want to leave some of her friends who are staying on, I know many who stayed on purely because of friends.

If you can I think its a good idea to help your daughter create a vision of where she wants to be and what she wants to do. So she wants to do this BTEC, what after that? What happens if the BTEC doesn't work out? I always had a plan B and that's the path I am actually on, but without it I daresay I might have dropped out or done significantly worse than I did.

I think that's the best I can say really. Ultimately it is up to her but you do have the right to feel upset, its an emotion not something you can help. Someone's coffee and cake idea is good, maybe try that to establish where she wants to be in five years and plan around how you're going to help her get there, wherever it means she goes

Edwardia

There isn't one path in life. I left school at 17 and worked, going to college part-time, then went back to school abroad and didn't end up in uni until I got married.

If your daughter's confidence has been knocked by grammar school quite possibly she's made a good decision - new environment, fresh start, support of her boyfriend if she needs it. College with lecturers not teachers and she'll still get careers guidance. It's a good way to have some independence and learn to manage her classes and coursework in preparation for uni. It's more like uni in atmosphere than school is.

patchwork_cat

You say that she has had to work very hard, maybe she has realised her limitations.

Graphic design is not academic and it may well be that a Btec is more appropriate route into graphic design. I bet you will find that most universities accept BTec.

My DD is at Grammar school, too.