Upset but know i have no right to be.

aileth

krlyr wrote: »

Angelil speaks a lot of sense!

I dropped out of college, much to my mum's dismay, due to personal issues at the time. I worked retail jobs for a while, then got a job as office junior with on-the-job training, spent 7 years there and started doing a work-relevant course. I'm now in a better paying job that's funding the remainder of my course (3 year course - I've already achieved the equivelant of A levels by finishing year 2), which has already given me some new opportunities with the promise of more, and I intend to go on to do the equivelant of a degree after this course (infact, I can likely submit the work I do to a Uni and get a legitimate degree). And as a bonus, I've done this whilst earning a wage and with no Uni debts at all - I own my own house (planning to be mortgage-free within the next 10 years, max) and have a much more definitive idea of what I want, career-wise. As a teenager, I wanted to be a vet - now I'm studying accountancy, so a little different!

This isn't the end of her world, it's a path in life she'll explore. If it's right for her now, support her and let her know her options, but don't pressure her into doing what you want.

How a 16/17 year old is expected to plan out their life and make all the right decisions is beyond me - at 26 I'm only just figuring it out myself!

I am very similar. I flunked two out of three of my AS Levels and was so disappointed in myself I left sixth form. My parents were supportive but you could tell they were upset. My heart really wasn't in my AS Levels as I had zero idea what I wanted to do in life and had absolutely no focus and drive.

I flitted between lots of jobs, retail, call centres, etc etc, you name it I did it, all in the space of a year, and couldn't find my calling. By chance my dad saw a job advertised that he thought was right up my alley and seven years later I'm still here. I'm only 25 and earning more than the average uni graduate with no student debt and I LOVE my job. I really couldn't imagine doing much else, and with seven years under my belt, a lot of employers see experience better than qualification.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe have a nice relaxed chat as suggested above, but it isn't world ending. I found choosing my college/sixth form the most stressful thing in my student life, so don't forget she's probably all nerves too!!

irishjohn

Perhaps there is some other reason your daughter has to make her want to leave the grammar school - clash of personalities etc? Something she does not want to talk about - what about her female friends - where do they fit in? Are they from the grammar school and where are they heading?

paulineb_2

angelil wrote: »

Learning is a lifelong thing - it doesn't necessarily have to take place in a formal setting. If she is as bright as you say then she will be keen to learn new things throughout her life, regardless of whether she attends sixth form or college, or takes 1 or 3 courses.

Does her chosen college course lead to a specific career path? If so, is it a career she's wanted to do for some time? If yes, then I think that in the light of spiralling university costs (who wants to start adult life at 21 with a debt of £30k+ hanging around their neck?) it can be wiser to go straight for a career.

I think it's erroneous of posters on this thread to discourage college just because your daughter 'might' split up with her boyfriend. My parents met at 15 and 16, married at 19 and 20, and have just celebrated 34 years of marriage. I know times were a little bit different then, but what's to say that people can't stay together a long time just because they met young? I'm just not sure that it does well to make choices based on what may or may not come of a relationship, or on the basis of a pessimistic outlook.

Finally, remember that even if she decides later that the college course was a mistake, she can always go back to studying later for A Levels (e.g. through an Access course) if she wants to. This would still allow her to go to university later if she wishes. ETA: FWIW, I have friends who are the same age as me (mid/late twenties) who are graphic designers who did not go to university in order to become this (and no, their parents don't work in the same field).

Wishing you both all the best

I know that people can meet young and stay together, I just know what its like from personal experience to be at the same college as someone and to go through a few tough times. He ended the relationship in the end and by that time I had made the decision to come home and go to another university closer to home (not because of him but because of other events that happened that year)
and personally, it was much easier for me not having to see him every day. If I had had to, it would have been really tough.

We were also joined at the hip to start with and at 18 I thought it was going to last forever but it didnt. It didnt even cross my mind when I was at the stage of moving away to college and hed be there that it might go belly up, I was in love with him, couldnt see beyond the end of that.

Im not trying to be pessimistic but long term you dont know how anything is going to work out and you dont know how a split might affect someone. I was devastated when that relationship broke up, it was hard enough to keep my mind on studying as it was and I did it, but if he had been around all the time (and he would have been, we were doing similar subjects, again just co incidence) Id have found it tougher.

But then everyone is different, some people have very strong abilities to bounce back quickly if something goes wrong.

And I sincerely hope it doesnt but realistically the chances of being with the same partner at 26 as you were at 16 arent massive.
And there have been family members of mine too who met and married in their teens and were together lifelong.

Shes made her decision anyway.

Treevo

You have every right to be upset OP. Your husband sounds like he has a massive chip on his shoulder. If I were you, I'd probably be making the college a very unattractive option.

alleycat`

might help:-

http://university.which.co.uk/advice/can-you-get-into-university-if-youre-studying-btecs

LostandAfraid

So reassuring to hear posters who took different routes coming out of it happy and doing well

To be honest with the grammar school I think she did feel inferior,partly because she wasn't a 'top' student there and a lot of her friends were and partly because many of her friends came from very well off families and we are not well off at all so she felt she didn't fit in.

She ended up with just a few close friends rather than being part of the wider circle there,she was very liked and never bullied but did get sidelined a bit so maybe it will do her good to be in a very mixed environment with people from varying backgrounds.

I will have a chat with her again when she comes home later and make sure she is definitely happy on the path she has chosen and then I will let it rest,it's her life after all and whilst I can be the worried mum I don't want to push her into doing what I would do,it has to be what she wants.

I appreciate all of the opinions,advice and experiences you have all shared,i feel so much better now thankyou

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My eldest did the try and get A levels thing. She hated it. She stopped going, repeated a year and still failed at the end of it.

She went to college the next year, doing just the one subject, and loved it. She got a qualification out of it and was accepted onto a Fine Arts degree at a London university as a direct result of that college course that you are worried isn't good enough. She loves it.



You can't put a price upon being happy where you are - if she stays where she hates it, it won't last long enough to get those high grades, as they'll chuck her out as soon as she starts skiving off to be with the boyfriend because she can't face another day at the school.

NoGoodNamesLeft

I've just finished a level 3 diploma and will be starting at my first choice uni in September. If her results are good, she should be able to get into a good university with no problems. My course was worth three A levels and everyone who did well on it is progressing to university.

Your daughter may well have an advantage when she gets to uni as she will already have covered a lot of the material in her diploma, whereas those who have done A levels in various subjects could be starting from scratch.

Good luck to her, whatever she decides to do.

susancs

As a mother I can understand how you feel as I agree A levels in traditional subjects would allow her more options if she changes her mind about what she wants to do or wants to go into further education . Last year a friend of mine whose son did a course that was something to do with graphic design got offered a job with great pay and further education paid for from the placement he attended during the two year course. I have a work colleague whose child wanted a job in the same field, has excellent A levels, a degree and is struggling to get a job at present and would give anything to have a job like my friend's son. The colleges around here seem to have a lot of students who get offered employment by the orgainisations they do work placements at. Sometimes with the job market the way it is, it is worth getting a foot in the door in certain careers. I also note that the college students on vocational courses seem to have more free sessions which they use to take a part time job. She sounds like a bright, hardworking girl who will do well at college and her work placement. She may even decide to do A levels by distance learning at her own pace.

I wonder if the sixth form Grammar school environment may be very pressurised in your daughter's school and she is wise enough to be aware that she would not be happy there. My daughter's faith school this year had a lot of applications for the sixth form from the nearby girls and boys grammar school. The entry criteria is the same for both and A results similar (GCSE results better at grammar school) and the grammar school's classrooms seem to be better resourced, but the feedback seems to be that the learning environment is thought to all about getting top results rather than developing the indvidual overall.

j.e.j.

LostandAfraid wrote: »

Thank you again,the college course is a BTEC extended diploma in art and design that she will be doing over a 2 year period but if she wants to go to university to do a degree in that area will they accept a BTEC or will they want A levels instead?

Sorry for being thick but I didn't go to university so have no idea if it would make a difference.

Not thick at all I imagine she'd need to do a foundation course in order to go on to do a degree in art.

She'll need a portfolio of art work. She won't get in without this.