Terrified of being pregnant/having a family...advice needed

marisco_2

Sands is a charity that supports people who have been affected by the loss of a baby, and who want to talk to someone about their experience, whether this happened recently or many years ago. They can advise you about finding local help, whether from a Sands group or other counselling services, and have information about other relevant support organisations. Their phone number is 0207 436 5881.

JaneTalks101

I understand that you have some painful experiences in the past and feel anxious about this. Let us focus on the things you can do, you can
a.Joining a support group to ventilate your feelings and gain insight on what you can do to reduce your anxiety
b. Take care of yourself properly to prevent pregnancy complications
( Eat right, get adequate rest and regular prenatal check ups)

I hope things will work out for you! Keep the faith

meritaten

You really need to talk through this - and with your partner on board! you don't have to say you CANNOT do this - just tell him how frightened you are! then together you can perhaps ask for counselling - explore support groups.
I think what I am trying to say is that you and your partner are in this together - so together you need to address this fear. which is understable in the circumstances.

Spendless

IME medical staff are very supportive if you've had an unhappy ending to a previous pregnancy. In both my pregnancies with son and daughter after my first went wrong, I was given earlier and extra scans. They were to quote my consultant 'not because we think something will happen again but to put you at ease'. Nothing could totally put my mind at rest though through-out either pregnancy (slightly worse with the pregnancy with child after 1st went wrong- in part because I went against medical advice of how long to leave it before trying again).

Your GP won't dismiss your fears just because it's several years ago. Make an appt.

Racheldevon

Hi there,

Sorry to hear of your loss. Just to let you know that in our area there's a perinatal mental health team (don't be put off by the title!) who are lovely, and support women who for whatever reason may be experiencing anxiety/stress etc about their pending birth, including those that have lost a baby before - I've found them to be excellent and will work with you (& your partner if you wish) to support you throughout the pregnancy - speak to your doctor/midwife, or you can usually refer yourself if you have a look online or on the hospital website

DomRavioli

Thanks for all the replies, there's some great stuff in there, although please no more religious stuff

spoke with OH, who listened for a bit then didn't want to know.

Spoke with GP surgery, told me as it was so long ago that there isn't anything available (currently a 14 months wait for basic CBT so no chance on counselling!) so feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I live in an area that is underfunded for most things, but I have no ability to move to another area at the moment due to work and family stuff.

I will check SANDS out, thanks again

Just to clarify, I'm not pregnant at the moment, because I'm literally phobic about it.

marisco_2

DomRavioli wrote: »

spoke with OH, who listened for a bit then didn't want to know.

I hope I am not talking out of turn here, but I find the above a bit concerning to be honest. From what you have disclosed on this thread you have a real deep rooted fear, and genuine understandable concerns about falling pregnant again. Your husband should be the main person who you can open up to and talk all these feelings through with. Yet it seems he listened to you but didn't give much back in the way of opinion or thought and has left you feeling that he didn't want to know. Was it that what you were discussing was very sensitive and he was too overwhelmed by it or did it come across more as being dismissive and that you were over reacting?

southoftheriver

DomRavioli wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, there's some great stuff in there, although please no more religious stuff

spoke with OH, who listened for a bit then didn't want to know.

Spoke with GP surgery, told me as it was so long ago that there isn't anything available (currently a 14 months wait for basic CBT so no chance on counselling!) so feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I live in an area that is underfunded for most things, but I have no ability to move to another area at the moment due to work and family stuff.

I will check SANDS out, thanks again

Just to clarify, I'm not pregnant at the moment, because I'm literally phobic about it.

Did you speak to the GP surgery or to an actual doctor? If the latter then I would try another one. Several maternity units have staff who talk to parents who have experienced losses and your local unit may be able to talk to you.

I'm sorry your partner wasn't more opening to listening. Maybe he just needs a bit more time to take in what you've said?

Thinking of you:)

DomRavioli

Thanks again for your replies.

OH tried listening (he's not too good with emotional stuff!) and 20 minutes later went to play golf (its his stress release thing), i think it was a bit too much for him.

Spoke with him yesterday, and wrote it all down. He seemed to take it in a bit better, but I think it will be a long process with him to understand how it is for me.

I spoke with the surgery, not a GP. I will make an appointment Tuesday to see a doctor and hopefully get some help.

I can't thank you all enough, it takes a weight off my mind knowing there are amazing real people out there who understand that what I'm going through is real and scary.

ViolaLass

DomRavioli wrote: »

Thanks again for your replies.

OH tried listening (he's not too good with emotional stuff!) and 20 minutes later went to play golf (its his stress release thing), i think it was a bit too much for him.

Spoke with him yesterday, and wrote it all down. He seemed to take it in a bit better, but I think it will be a long process with him to understand how it is for me.

Give him time, it's a lot to take in in one go. You've had time to think about it, you can't expect him to get to where you are in 20 minutes.