Terrified of being pregnant/having a family...advice needed

DomRavioli

Hi all,

Some of you will know me on the waiting to TTC board. Just looking for some advice please.

I had a stillbirth at 23 weeks in 2007, and have had issues with my fertility ever since due to complications; I've recently had a number of operations, and recent testing has shown that me and OH have a relatively normal chance of conception.

However, last week I started to become apprehensive, and its turned into a full blown fear of going through this again. I don't know how to broach the subject with OH, as he is still happy over knowing we might have a family in the future, and don't want to ruin this as its been a long road to get here in the first place.

I didn't deal with the emotional side of things at the time, and it seems the fear is taking over my life, it is all I think about.

Any advice would be much appreciated

Niki x

Tiddlywinks

Sorry to hear how you're feeling.

Speak to your GP and ask for some counselling... it will help you unpick your fear and understand it better. It will also help you to find coping mechanisms.

Don't leave it and hope it goes away... the sooner you ask for help, the better or your anxiety levels could just keep rising.

Good luck.

DomRavioli

Thanks Tiddlywinks

Didn't know if my GP would dismiss it as it was so long ago. I'll give them a ring.

Tiddlywinks

Have a look at this...

http://unspokengrief.com/grief-and-ptsd/

Do any of the symptoms seem familiar? If they do then mention them to your GP when you visit.

browneyedbazzi

First, don't feel bad about yourself for having this fear. I think it's natural to be afraid of something when your first experience of it was traumatic.

Tiddlywinks' advice about getting some counselling is what I would suggest to. There are some very good therapies that can help with fears/phobias and also help you work through the trauma/grief from your previous experiences. I really hope you find something that helps for you.

fluffnutter

I think that any pregnancy you have will be more anxious than most. I doubt you'll relax until your baby is safely delivered to your arms. How can you simply forget something so heartbreaking? The key is to try to ensure that this fear you have now doesn't prevent you trying again, because that would be really heartbreaking.

Some grief counselling might help but I think it's one of those situations where you can't totally put things right. Talk to people, share your fears, particularly with your OH. Keep working it all through.

marisco_2

I am so sorry for the traumatic and awful loss that you suffered. I think it is totally natural for you to feel apprehensive and nervous about becoming pregnant again. Having a really open and honest chat with your partner, and sharing all your worries and concerns with him, would not be to ruin this time. I am sure he would much rather know how you are feeling rather than for you to cope alone. You may even find he has his own anxieties and would welcome the chance to talk about them. By doing this you take the opportunity to support each other and find ways to feel more confident and at ease about taking this huge step. That is what being a partnership is all about. I would like to wish you both a lot of luck.

JuliaBussey

Face your fear and never give up on this kind of situation, still expect good for your better family future. As a responsible future parents, you should believe in your self and I know your husband/boyfriend and your family are always there for you whatever happens. Don't forget also to pray it will surely help.

GoldenShadow

I don't really have any advice, as suggested visiting your GP for a chat definitely sounds like a good idea though.

Big virtual *hug* to you, life is so tough sometimes :j

RAS

have you been in contact with SANDS?

DomRavioli

I'm going to sit down with OH tomorrow when he's finished work, squeaky bum time and I just hope I can say what I need to say. Thanks so much, I thought I was just being a bit weird but I feel a heck of a lot more normal now - i don't know anyone who has been through anything like this so it was just starting to take over you know?

And RAS, what is SANDS?