Interfaith marriages-do they work?

balletshoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Personally I could never have married someone of a different faith and could only think that if you did then compromises regarding your faith would be necessary. How can anyone marry someone who disagrees about something that is fundamental to your way of life which makes me wonder if those that do are possibly nominal.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but certainly Christians are specifically advised at the very least not to marry a non Christian.

I do agree with this - if religion is a deal-breaker for you, I'd imagine it would be just about impossible to raise a family with a partner who is devout in another religion, and just as passionate about their religion as you are about yours.

I was christened as a baby, but I don't follow any faith. My OH is a fairweather muslim, it works for us, but a big part of that is that neither of us are devout, and neither of us force any religion on our child. I do think, if either/both us had been practising in our respective faiths, we wouldn't have got serious about each other - because what would have been the point?

duchy

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Tolerance yes but how can someone who worships Jesus and believes He is God be married to someone who is still waiting for the messiah to come and worships appropriately. In my experience one of the couple if not both will start to follow their faith less and less until it all but disappears. I certainly respect people of all faiths and none but that's not the same thing as marrying a different faith.

Surely marriage is based on mutual respect .
You don't need to agree on everything to the nth degree to be married. It is far more important that you have agreement on issues like trust and honesty ...... It's a bit like a man can live a life that some would regard as a Christian ethos ....love thy neighbour, be a good Samaritan etc without ever having opened the Bible.

I have dear friends of several religions - I have read their books and understand what their beliefs are -the fact I don't share them doesn't mean I love these people any less or they me. I don't pick my friends ...or a spouse on if they vote the same way as me or if they attend the same place of worship on the same day of the week. We share values -those values could be considered Christian values but you don't have to be a Christian to hold them .....and I can think of quite a few Christians who don't live their Christian beliefs too.

You can respect and honour a spouse's belief (even if it is not yours)-or anyone else's - or you can be a bigot and not have respect. A bigot would insist a spouse followed the same faith they do ....... a decent person of any creed would respect firm held beliefs of another - and there is no need for either to "fall away"

Torry_Quine

duchy wrote: »

Surely marriage is based on mutual respect .
You don't need to agree on everything to the nth degree to be married. It is far more important that you have agreement on issues like trust and honesty ...... It's a bit like a man can live a life that some would regard as a Christian ethos ....love thy neighbour, be a good Samaritan etc without ever having opened the Bible.

I have dear friends of several religions - I have read their books and understand what their beliefs are -the fact I don't share them doesn't mean I love these people any less or they me. I don't pick my friends ...or a spouse on if they vote the same way as me or if they attend the same place of worship on the same day of the week. We share values -those values could be considered Christian values but you don't have to be a Christian to hold them .....and I can think of quite a few Christians who don't live their Christian beliefs too.

You can respect and honour a spouse's belief (even if it is not yours)-or anyone else's - or you can be a bigot and not have respect.

Having a friend of a different religion is not the same thing at all though. As I said there is a big difference from someone who is nominally Christian and who probably could marry someone who is nominally of another faith and someone whose faith is more than just another thing about them. Just because you respect another's beliefs doesn't mean the same as ignoring the differences.

It's far more than just where you worship and if that's all then it probably wouldn't be an issue.

arbroath_lass

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Sorry, am I meant to know what that means?

Torry is in Aberdeen and quine is Doric (language/dialect of NE Scotland) for a girl or young woman. Loon is for boy or young man btw.

So that's what made me laugh - you asked where a girl from Aberdeen was from.

sterl1ng

For those who interfaith married did you or your other half have issues with relatives? the bringing up kid topic should come way beforehand but who knows, once you had child what was originally agreed may be thrown out window.

I'm sure most religions are tolerant tbh.

neverdespairgirl

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Many people call themselves Christian but that doesn't make it so but I am talking here about people who really are and if they were then I find it hard to believe they would be able to amrry someone who disagree


N/East Scotland actually. :rotfl::rotfl:

Very sad that not wanting to marry a non-Christian is seen as especially devout!

It depends, though. My mother's a very devout Christian - attends Church very regularly, choir, PCC, the whole 9 yards.

My dad's an aethist.

I think that causes less trouble than if he were to have been of a different religion, as opposed to none.

neverdespairgirl

sterl1ng wrote: »

For those who interfaith married did you or your other half have issues with relatives? the bringing up kid topic should come way beforehand but who knows, once you had child what was originally agreed may be thrown out window.

I'm sure most religions are tolerant tbh.

I didn't have relative trouble (my mother was pleased - no arguing about where her daughter / grandson would be at Christmas every year, because OH's family didn't celebrate it at all).

OH did have some.

We didn't really talk about how we'd bring up our son, it's just happened. But we're both very reasonable people.

peachyprice

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In my experience one of the couple if not both will start to follow their faith less and less until it all but disappears. I certainly respect people of all faiths and none but that's not the same thing as marrying a different faith.

Surely that would only happen of one of the couple were trying to convert the other. Why can they not live blissfully following their own faiths and respecting each other's beliefs?

lostinrates

Bother sets of my grand parents were different denominations of Christians.

My dad was brought up in a Protestant church and is an atheist, my mother is a (divorced but still believing) catholic. My siblings parent was another denomination and they were Christened into that church.....confused enough?

Yeh, me too....

I married a non practising Jew. . We both are respectful and fond of our religious and cultural backgrounds but non believers. I'd love to believe but sadly fond myself unable to. We have wondered in the past what would have happened in some obvious situations...for example, had we had a son...would he have had Brit Milah or a circumcision? Its moot anyway.

We celebrate a little of everything, and feel its possible to take the good from it all. I don't think a God would see love such as ours as a bad thing.

lostinrates

sterl1ng wrote: »

For those who interfaith married did you or your other half have issues with relatives? the bringing up kid topic should come way beforehand but who knows, once you had child what was originally agreed may be thrown out window.

I'm sure most religions are tolerant tbh.

It was never overtly said...but there was a feeling of disappointment from some on both sides.

They don't live with each other though, we do, and we are very happy with the arrangement. Others have been very encouraging, including some of the more religious members of dh's family, who have been generous with important recipes for important dates, and sharing customs with us. One pointed out that DH has been more interested in his heritage since I was interested in it and this has endeared the situation to some of the relatives.