meeting first love years on - any experiences?

Troutwrestler

cup_of_tea? wrote: »

This seems to be one on one meeting. He does not live in the UK any more. I am not going. I have far too much else on to start thinking about the past, my appearance (thanks people I hadn't even considered that before coming on board).
I think the present is enough to cope with.

I didn't mean the appearance thing in a bad way, you might look better than you used to...he might have aged hideously and be fat and balding.... I wouldn't let that stop you if you want to do it.

Amanda65

cup_of_tea? wrote: »

This seems to be one on one meeting. He does not live in the UK any more. I am not going. I have far too much else on to start thinking about the past, my appearance (thanks people I hadn't even considered that before coming on board).
I think the present is enough to cope with.

Do you know why he has suggested this? Have you had any contact before now?

cup_of_tea?

For 20 years there was no contact. Then a couple of face book messages, nothing heavy or untoward, I just feel uncomfortable and can't place why? That's why I came and asked here. It just seems awkward, maybe it's just me and the memories of the time are upsetting me slightly. I have to say that he was not responsible for the bad memories. That was my own doing.

fawd1

cup_of_tea? wrote: »

I hadn't even thought about the looks thing . Haha. Oh dear. There are too many issues arising now.
I have decided not to go. It's just too complicated.

If the looks thing wasn't the first thing that entered your mind, then you must know you look pretty good. I am absolutely aware that I was substantially hotter when we were going out than I am now, whilst he still looks exactly the same!

Amanda65

cup_of_tea? wrote: »

For 20 years there was no contact. Then a couple of face book messages, nothing heavy or untoward, I just feel uncomfortable and can't place why? That's why I came and asked here. It just seems awkward, maybe it's just me and the memories of the time are upsetting me slightly. I have to say that he was not responsible for the bad memories. That was my own doing.

How would your husband feel about you meeting up? Then if you don't want to go I wouldn't Just say thanks but no thanks - after all this time you owe him nothing. If he lives abroad now maybe he is just catching up with his past - and if he lives a long way away maybe he might not be planning a trip back again. Whatever the reason though, if you're not sure, go with your gut instincts.

LEJC

cup_of_tea? wrote: »

For 20 years there was no contact. Then a couple of face book messages, nothing heavy or untoward, I just feel uncomfortable and can't place why? That's why I came and asked here. It just seems awkward, maybe it's just me and the memories of the time are upsetting me slightly. I have to say that he was not responsible for the bad memories. That was my own doing.

I guess its a case that you need to decide what you will get out of meeting him...closure or will it open a can of worms....

if you think it wont bring anything positive out of meeting then its probably best not to go and to forget about it...but sometimes re meeting someone doesnt mean a bad experience.

Youve both grown up and had life experiences...

I must say having met up with my first love I'm glad that he's still in the fringes of my life...but enriching it as a friend rather than anything else...and it got rid of many of the "what if" type thoughts that either of us may have had!!!

Prothet_of_Doom

My first Love comes to the house. Well she would. She's my wife's longest friend and introduced us, whilst trying to finish with me.

cup_of_tea?

Gut instinct says no but I can't explain why. I have already messaged back and said I have other plans that night but would be happy to stay in touch on face book and maybe if he is back in future we could arrange a family meeting.

I think that sounds ok. I feel a bit bad but have realised that it is my memories that are stopping me and I don't want them clogging up my life. Even the small talk we have had publicly on face book has reactivated my memories and I don't need them or want them now. Maybe in the future I will be able to cope better.

Thanks for the help.

gt568

I can't see any good coming from it.

pukkamum

I was contacted by my first love via facebook and it caused all sorts of ructions.
It started out as a friendly chat but he began to get quite heavy, talking about when we were together how wonderful it was etc.
I put an end to the conversation then sent an email saying I would be removing him as a friend as dh would be upset at how the conversation was going etc, but that is was nice to hear from him and relive old memories but thats all they were memories.
Dh found said email and hit the roof, imagining the worst.
It all came good in the end but it could have been a very different story had I arranged to meet him etc.
Leave the past in the past enjoy the memories and cut all ties.