Just about had as much as I can take of this....very upset

donner_kebab

Hiya guys, I am so upset at the mo and have nowhere else to turn and no one to tell that will understand so have come on here to ask for a sympathetic ear and hopefully some advice. Cut a VERY long story short, last summer got out of a very violent relationship after finally having the courage to tell the police and had my ex charged with ABH and then harrassment. During this time, changed the locks, froze joint bank accounts etc and only recently realised what a huge financial mess I am in...probably coming onto £20K worth of debt which he ran up via joint accounts etc and me being !!!!!! thinking that he will change and will help me sort out the debt I let him run up in my name whilst supporting him and my daughter on my wage alone...with the help of lovely credit cards etc. The day after the cops released him, he ran up more debt eg wiped out the joint accounts, took them way over the overdraft limit etc at which time I had the accounts frozen (I had actually handed in all cards/cheque books I had 2 years prior when I wanted to try and close the account which the bank refused to do without his permission too) and when I told the bank the problems I was having, they were not in the slightest bit interested and said I was liable for the lot as they had no contact details for my ex (which is a downright lie as he holds several of his own personal accounts with them) so each month I have only been able to afford the overdraft fee as I am so skint trying hard to bring up my daughter on my own and deal with this mess. Now I get a letter from the bank saying he has filed for bankruptcy and I am liable for everything and they want money withing 7 days...which is obviously not gonna happen. I am scared sh$tless as they said they would take me to court and I would be blacklisted if I didn't cough up etc. I am in such a mess and don't know what to do....my daughter is upset and cries at school cause mummy is in such a state, everything is going wrong, I live it a house which is in such a state you can't even see the floor for junk and dirt, I have started to put on weight, everything is going wrong and I have no-one to turn to...new boyfriend doesn't get it as everything in his life is perfect and he doesn't understand my situation one bit despite trying to tell him, he is fed up of this ex ruining everything especially as it has gone on for so long now, think he is gonna walk soon if I'm not careful, family don't understand either...I can't go on like this and have my daughter to think of too...

bedhair

I don't really have any great advice (Newbie Money Saver) but wanted to give you a hug. Hang in there ~ someone will be along just now to offer pearls of wisdom. Make yourself a cup of tea and grab a choccie biscuit while you wait.

Bedhair
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hypno06

Hey there, first of all go and make yourself a big mug of coffee and sit down. Take a deep breath.

First thing tomorrow morning get yourself down to the CAB and ask for help from them. They will be able to give you far more advice than I can.

Also go to see your GP. This is getting to you and you need support with it, which you obviously don't get from the new boyfriend. The GP can arrange counselling for you which will help you deal with this on every level.

If your daughter is upset by this (don't know how old she is) but most schools have a designated member of staff or a group of older students that act as mentors for the younger ones to talk to when they are bothered by things. Investigate this and let her get the help she needs too.

In the meantime, you know that this is not going to go away, but equally that there is not a lot in practical terms you can do on a Sunday to sort things out.

So stick around for the support, grab that coffee and know that you will get through this, one way or another, and the threats the bank makes about pay up in 7 days, will not be seen as reasonable - there are other ways around it.

Stay strong x

tigtag02

Good Morning DK

First thing you need to do is take a deep breath, sit down and know that as bad as this seems right now I promise you its not

First thing in the morning contact CAB who will give you wonderful advice as to where you can go from here.

Also - try and post your SOA (see southernscoucers sticky at the top of this board) and the wonderful people on here will take a look and see where ny cut backs can be made.

Sending you lots of hugs (I'm trying really hard to concentrate on this reply but my kids (and that includes OH ) are causing WWIII ) and promises that the support you need right now is here at MSE

Lots of Love
tigtag

SunderlandBlackCat

Hi Donner

I'm really sorry to hear of your situation but I have no idea how to help. About the only advice I can think of is to re-post on the Bankruptcy & Living With It board as there may be someone on there who has been through it but isn't currently reading this board.

I would guess you also need legal advice so contact Citizens Advice in the morning - also most solicitors will give you a free initial session before they charge anything & I would guess from your circumstances you wil be entitled to legal aid.

The bit about not being able to see the floor for junk & dirt also makes me think you maybe suffering from clinical depression so I would also advise making an appointment with your GP as soon as possible.

I hope this helps

alwaysonthego_2

Hi what you need to do as everyone has suggested is go to the cab asap. It will be useful to bring all your paperwork with you. They will want you to fill out a monthly expenditure out (outgoings/incomings) and then they will work out your priotrity debts and non priority.

I take it you don't own your house. (if you do then it's a different matter). Your debts of loans will be non priority debts. As long as you pay your rent on time because that is a priority.

Once your incomings/outgoings have been worked out, whatever is left is offered to your creditors (there may be nothing left). The cab will ensure you are getting the benefits you are entitled to and will write to your creditors to ask them to freeze the interest on your accounts. It may be suggested you go bankrupt, but this is the last resort and must be thought about because it is not an easy way out.

This can be sorted out, there will be a silver lining

Spendaholic_Chick

Tell the bank to **** off and if they hassle you any more you'll file for bankrupcy too then they'll get nothing! Makes my blood boil the way banks make threats like that!

If you need to chat, feel free to drop me a pm xx

donner_kebab

Thanks guys...will have to try and see a solicitor/cab as soon as I can; it's hard as I work full time as it is and the cab is only open at silly times for an hour here and there plus everytime I have been before, it has been heaving and I can't get seen as there are too many people in front of me waiting...I hate being in this state...hate the fact I can't afford to do anything whatsoever...can't do anything with my daughter (she's 10), hardly see her at all...gutted the fact my fella just don't get it at all, could really do with him here tonight but no chance of that, sometimes I just feel like giving up, everyone's after me for money all because I 'thought' I was in love and let a guy treat me like a complete idiot so much so I will be paying for this for a very long time to come...sometimes I look back and think why did I bother with getting a degree at Uni and trying to get a good job and a career cause I have nowt to show for it but a mountain of debt

liz105

I had an urge to post just to say, if I were you right now Id grab a black sack and go round picking up any rubbish or junk. Then sort anything left over into a few piles like washing/paperwork/toys/books etc etc I dunno something like that. Then get anything you can ebay/put in the local paper to raise a bit of cash.

Im a firm believer of tidy house tidy mind. A theory which may explain why my own mind is so screwed up!

blackangeluk

HI there

I am not sure what to advise apart from to visit the Bankruptcy Board which others have mentioned and definately get some advice from the CAB.

I'm sure once you have seen something and sought some proper advice it will at least be able to put your mind at rest. You have obviously worked very hard and it is so unfair you are having to suffer through someone else. I hope you get it sorted. Please let us know how you get on.

cdg1111

Hang in there - there are lots of us who are where we are due our naiviety - me included.

I go with Liz 105's approach of clearing the decks - it will make you feel better just having some space around you. And possibly help you find all the paperwork you need for the CAB.

I am thinking of you and hope it goes well for you tomorrow.

ps - you sound like a very smart lady. Don't beat yourself up about your situation, love yourself for taking charge.